I'm tired of writing
about you
wish I could just drop the pen
release all this frustration
some other way
or even better
slap myself across the face
and be done with it
all this effort- feels so useless
can you believe
that this is the only way
I know how to try

oh, you again
thought you left
something about a brick
and how you understood
it's meaning
watched you go, well more like
watched your shape get smaller as I looked over my shoulder
I get it mixed up sometimes
whoops
for a second there I thought we were friends
sort of
I think maybe I talk too much, or is it want too much....
I'll cut it back to 2 attempts - is that better?
trying to respect the line, you know, that fine line
quiet, lots and lots of quiet
no don't worry about it, i'm used to it now
actually starting to like it
gives me a lot of time to reflect and
think
think think think think think
thanks. couldn't ask for a better way to
pass the time

It was a stormy evening
Yet contentment hung in the air
Thick as the humidity
We ran, eluding unsuccessfully the
little droplets that cascaded like
the brilliant fingers of a pianist
gushing chords across our shoulders that
captivated.
It was rhythmic, a delicate patter
though simultaneously
It rang out with the passion of a cello’s crying depth
the lust of a singer’s feverish lucidity
the force of a dancers anguished turns.
the mighty heavens roared on above us so loud dear but
the need to return home overtook us and
the world was only your hair as it curled around your ear and
only the smell of rain on your skin and the heat of your breath.
You astound me.
All I crave is to whisper words with my trembling breath of how
I feel in your arms- a true peace. like no one could ever comprehend
The way I have let myself
Melt and reform as
All yours.
I reach to run my hand across your cheek
So soft darling, so close
I reach and I know I could never feel as
Complete. Comfortable.
Then I see it.
The white ceiling, the piece of tape left over, the stray black smudge
Ah, dreaming.
But for an instant I got to know
what it felt like, in the rain.
So, My love. My unwavering best friend
I'll set my feet on the ground and
let the sheets muffle that faint sound of
a piano
For the day will wipe away the details
And the only thing I will retain
is a curious inquiry for why my heart skips a beat
in bad weather

curtains may cover my heart, leather may shade my eyes
but perform it must, my everlasting soul
oh by the chains of my great master I trace lines through dust on this ancient stage
Puppeteer, your strings are razor blades I cannot touch
Do you smile your jagged teeth behind the lights as I limp
left stage right stage
hands tied, lips bruised
while I am delicately yet surely sliced in two?
you once felt kind breath slip over your tongue, you envisioned
orchids given at night.
Such devious motives you now posses, time
My recital for one wears away skin
on the tips of my toes, keep tearing
moving upward snaps my fingers crooked elbow
ARISE FROM YOUR SHADOWS AND FACE ME
for I know this pain well
Ah mirrors mirrors you fool me
You have adopted my face, adopted my grin
blink blink it will not clear
it will not falter
i see- leather
crumpled in spotlight
stage right stage left
in spotlight
there are particles floating there are shards of littered glass
Dear audience do applause, I did it
I tore my skin, broke my bones, limped side to side
Puppeteer do forgive my twisted image for I needed you to blame
Secrets secrets treat me well, for I have nothing else to sell
Forgive me empty seats, row 1 row 2
I must try, I must try
to crawl offstage

written 2010

How might I describe you?
dew lazy atop swaying petals, refreshing and pure?
or
rushing rapids, strong and enduring
perhaps you are a mountain- forever there to hold it's ground
I caught the crackle of clay on dry hands
and with it, creation and change
I breathe the pungent scent of sweat, heavy with the promise of hard work
you work your hands you work your thoughts
you work to prove both
such as paint strokes mesmerize the eye
love will hypnotize the soul
you took a peek into my life and found a pen
chapters carry your name- we are infused
black ink on black ink- merged
How might I describe you?
A man
Better yet-
My man

written 2010

Tempter, I grow impatient. My need for closeness is a run over rocky terrain. I yearn for my legs to stop moving, my muscles to stop aching, my breath to find my body. It only moves in slow creeping motions, an eclipse on my reality, a blindfold to my control. My darling I do not exist alone. Alone I am fever- a raging plague of disease. My burnt parts float away as ash to the graveyard- to bury all they are. Love, I walk in my bones. Stripped of my true being I rattle and moan, a skeleton resurrected. Soon my feet my crumble away, and I will snap apart limb by limb and fall to the ground as sharp pointy bits. Then what am I, my dear? Do I get pushed into the earth and remain nothing more than diminished pearls to the naked eye, or will a creature carry me away with their talons? Tempter you defeat me. Only when I leave the battlefield and return home do I realize I pulled the trigger. I thought I would run from the war and save myself. When truly, I fired the shot heard around the world.

written 2010

I think you know why
Lover
That when I see you
My fists clench with fury
My eyes swell with tears
My feet become heavy

Do you think I enjoy
To stand by you
But not really
be by you
Instead, its almost like  
There are worlds between us
With waters black as
That pause when we try and talk
I cant seem to navigate
I cant seem to swim
I cant seem to
Smile

Wait a little longer
But really
Don’t wait at all
You pushed me out the car
I fell across rocks, landed half buried
In the soil. It feels nice on my cheek
Cool and understanding. It knows a lot about
Silent hearts.
I haven’t moved, couldn’t feel
my legs. Couldn’t find
my voice
but darling
I still forgive you

Its ok
Ill stand by you [across the oceans]
And pretend
My bruises were
An accident, like I tripped
Or something
And we can write letters
With each look away, each shifting foot
While we dangle our legs over the edge
Of sanity [my sanity]

Don’t worry
About the mud
In my hair
I tried to wash it out
Scrubbed hard- promise
Just ignore it, I know you will
And ill pick up my coffee cup
And no one will notice
The dirt under my nails
And the way my mouth
Cant seem to smile