The numbness cradles me
like a sapling covered
with freshly fallen snow
on a perfect winter’s day.
My mind traces its steps
back to the days
of warm pizzelles
and stories told ten times over.
Of the smell of your hug
and the ring of your laughter.
Of your call every night at dinner time,
with just one more thing we must discuss.
Christmas will not be the same.
My mind is smart.
It knows the pain it will incur
if it accepts your leaving as fact.
It knows the tears, the heartache, the emptiness.
It has been hurt before.
Instead of feeling,
instead of believing,
instead of accepting,
it will gladly live in the past.
Refusing to acknowledge the present,
ignoring the reality of a future
where you no longer exist.
I hope you are enjoying your vacation.
My grandmother passed away in June, and it honestly still hasn't hit me yet. I was very close with her. I watch my whole family dealing with it, grieving and whatnot, but I just can't seem to fathom that she's gone. I'm sure it'll hit me at some point, though I kind of like denial.