I wish I could
slip inside your
bones.

i am willing to help you find all of
your pieces to buy you the tread
and  needle   you'll  need  once
you've gathered them     and i
promise   not to look or make
pained faces while you   put
yourself back together inthe
quiet of    y o u r  basement
bedroom   because i know
what  it means to feel like
you're missing a limb but
the ache is  coming from
somewhere          deeper
deeper                            ­
                           deeper
than you   ever could
have imagined your
chest could   sink it
is so scary to wake
up and not be sure
if your    lungs are
still  connected or
if you're going to
be able to get off
thecouchbecause
you've been too
sad to sleep  in
your  own bed
please    know
that i will not
forceyoutobe
h a p p y   or
give up your
past,     but i
will be here
if you decide
to do those things

there is a softness in the willows aching with
your steps- aching to follow the curve of
your spine to the sharp edges of your
hips, aching to chase the scent that
lingers and trails behind you-
that until three days ago i
did not understand.
there is something
about that slight rise
to your lips as you lean
down over me even after i'm
sure i cannot stand anymore heat
heat heat but i'll take more as long as
you are willing to give it, as long as it means
i do not have to lose the sound of you in all
your actions and late night phone calls.

can
you
feel
my
f                    
          l               i                                        
o              n                  
         n              g              
                    g             e              
                               i              r              
                              ­         n              s      
                            g
for
you
from
across
this
town?

I like that I will live forever
inside your songs, that you
will perform them every
weekend and record them
onto cds. And when you
sing them you will see my
face as your eyes close for
the verses, feel my fingers
run up your arms as you
play that riff, just like they
did on your couch on the
warmest night of the
summer while Boy Meets
World played on the tv in
the background. You
whispered, "Do something
cute again" into my hair
and I wiggled my toes on
your leg, watched you
write out
chorus
bridge
plays guitar handsomely
while you hummed a song
that didn't have words yet
until I fell asleep. I wonder
how long you'll keep playing
that one.

i've been
filling
myself
with sand
with sand
with sand

you and i,
we are open
hearts on
hardwood
floors and
we step lightly
for fear of
unsettling the
room. one
day, though,
we will
no longer
be afraid
and we will
pick up
everything we
left sitting
out, and i
will hand you
all that i
have with
the knowledge
that you will
never drop
it, never lose
it, never take
it for granted.
i like knowing
that someday
i will be safe
with you.

i swear i  felt     y o u



deep


in                          my
chest      before i met
you, like all the time
i  thought   i     w a s
staggering on      for
him i        was really
justheadedtoyou, to
where my feet never
lose            their grip
and the  ends of  my
fingers  won't forget
what your  face feels
like    in   the earliest
hoursofthe morning.
you   h a v e   tied    a
string around        my
lungs    a n d    trailed
it all the   way  across
the ocean with     you,
looped your promises
every twenty miles or
so along the  way so i
have  no choice but to
follow you to find out
where they     end and
w h e r e    we    begin.

I wish you were
one of those people
who made drunk
phone calls.

i   wish   i
knew  the
right way
toquityou
but   even
think i n g
about     it
makes my
bonesache
help     me
h   e   l    p
myself  t o
s    t   o   p
lovingyou

I've
done
nothing
for the
past six
months
but be
lost in
you.

I love that every time
you hear that word-
wholeheartedly- a
switch will flip in your
brain (a Megan Switch,
if you will) and you will
think of me telling you
why I love that word,
think of my laugh,
think of my unstrong arms,
think of that note you
wrote me just two months
ago (the same note that I
ripped to shreds and
threw in the Missouri River
with the rest of your things,
watched the pieces flutter
in the 3 am air before they
began their journey to the
Gulf of Mexico) with that
sentence scribbled at the end.
"I love you wholeheartedly."

"I love you"
is stuck
behind my
sternum,
lodged there for so
long now that I'm
afraid the words
may have lost
their
meaning.

When Robin Williams
died I thought of you.
I wanted to call you
but I don't have your
number anymore. It's
816-248-something. It
has to be that because
you have T-Mobile and
here they're all 816-248
but I can't remember
the last four digits. You
don't like to talk on the
phone so I never learned
your number. I'm not
sure what I would say
to you if I were to get in
touch with you or run
into you at the grocery
store. Maybe I would
tell you I hate you I miss
you I can't understand
what made you think that
what you did was going
to turn out okay for me
or her or even you. God
just please tell me you're
sorry you were such an
awful human being.

you made   me feel
like a house full  of
sunlight, a handful
of   lilies,  a  willow
tree in a  light  rain
shower.  thank you
f o r   loving  me  as
m u c h  as you  did.

I am
infatuated
with how
you are so
unapologetically
you.

Breathe me in and hold
me in your lungs, darling, past
when your face turns red.

why don't I have a real job how can i
be this scared to go back to school i
want to move away but i can't go to
portland like i wanted to because that
was ryan's thing i wonder if he'll still
move there will he take her or will they
break up before then or maybe they'll
get married and stay here because
eyelit is here which means i definitely
need to move away is he going to
propose with a banjo pick like he did
with me or will he get her a real ring
"you put that on the wrong finger" "i'm
not trying to do that yet" "did you hear
that megan he said 'yet'" i miss your
friends and your mom and i can't
stand that i'm not allowed to talk to
them anymore why didn't you pick me
why didn't you pick me why didn't
you pick me god you told me you
loved me you told me you wanted a
farm and kids and a garden why did
you do this to me i loved you so much
i could have filled the ocean with the
contents of my heart that belonged to
you i hate you i hate you i hate

*******

f
u
c
k

y
o
u

f    u    c    k     y    o    u

f
u
  c
   k

     y
   o
u

no really though,

*******.

I have tried to
detach myself
from you but
you have sunk
the deepest
hook into my
stomach that
just turning
away from
you is painful
enough.

please take your
time with me,
please breathe
me in slowly.

you  liked   t h e
way  i   pronounced
"bloodflood,"  all  clean
syllables,  made  me  say
it­ three times for you while
you ate  your  sandwich.  you
said you mostly  mumbled  and
thought no one could understand
you but, god, i did. every eyebrow
wiggle had a  paragraph  beneathe
its surface, every smile was a  song
you   hadn't    written    yet,   every
thumb  stroked  on my cheek was
a promise of forever. you always
made   perfect   sense   to   me.