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Jul 2014 · 358
Sunday, 1:17 am
Megan Grace Jul 2014
how
m a n y
times   d o
i have   to tell
myself  it's  okay
to feel like there is an
entire tree growing inside
me  before  i  actually  accept
it
Jul 2014 · 555
Six
Megan Grace Jul 2014
Six
the last time you left my apartment
back in may i had so much trouble
turning the doorknob after you
had  been  the  last  to  wrap
your   fingers   around  it
t h a t  i almost didn't
leave     for     work.
now i  c a n  barely
sit on my couch
or stand by the
kitchen door
or  pick  up
mysuitcase
or    touch
my own
s  k  i  n
in   the
s po ts
y  o  u
have.
Jul 2014 · 366
dreamgirlmusic
Megan Grace Jul 2014
I keep walking through
clouds of you in every
square inch of this stupid
retail store. I wonder if
you quit because you
were tired of doing the
same with ghosts of me.
Jul 2014 · 343
Bear-Com
Megan Grace Jul 2014
I have very few
memories of
you from
before I
fell in
love.
I think that's my biggest problem.



I do not remember the
day we met but the
moment I knew I had
to scratch the itch of
learning your brain
is seared into my retinas.
Jul 2014 · 436
Dear Ryan,
Megan Grace Jul 2014
i'm  finding  comfort
in the  fact that, even
for a little while, you
were  just  as  lost  as
i always  seem  to be
yours,
Megan
Jul 2014 · 428
Portland
Megan Grace Jul 2014
god i swear i am on fire
but i do not want you
anymore do not need
you anymore please
never come home
Drunk and unsorry
Jul 2014 · 483
tumultuary
Megan Grace Jul 2014
and from a family of
chronic messes what
do i have to look
forward to except
the chance that maybe
someday someone will
give me a reason to
think my disasters could
be something beautiful?
Jul 2014 · 548
this is not a final request
Megan Grace Jul 2014
i only  ask  that you do
not forget  my  laugh
and the smell of my
shampoo,       m y
ticklish   thighs
and the  s o f t
f e e l i n g of
m y  mouth
on     your
m o u t h
Jul 2014 · 382
07.10
Megan Grace Jul 2014
can
you
feel
my
f                    
          l               i                                        
o              n                  
         n              g              
                    g             e              
                               i              r              
                              ­         n              s      
                            g
for
you
from
across
this
town?
Jul 2014 · 525
July, July
Megan Grace Jul 2014
t  h  i  s
mis sour i
a  i  r       i  s
suffocatingme
because  i swear
you've breathed  it
all in and out so now
i'm  left   searching  for
microscopic bits of it that
haven't touched your teeth
"And the water rolls down the drain
The water rolls down the drain
Oh, what a lonely thing
In a lonely drain
July, July, July
It never seemed so strange"
-The Decemberists
Jul 2014 · 1.2k
Polaroid
Megan Grace Jul 2014
... ..... ......... ........... ..... .......... ....... ... it's
reassuring  that  someday    rain   will
not remind me of  you banjos will not
make me think of  y o u r  fingers  my
couch will not whisper  "I    love   you
you know I   love   you" anymore that
song                    you like will not have
your                    laugh  ringing   under
i       t                  my      favorite sweater
w   i   l   l      no    l o n g e r    have   the
lingering s c e n t of your shampoo my
hands will not ache for your hands my
lungs  will   not  burn  from   a i r   that
isn't                                                   yours
How long does heartbreak actually last?




I'm in a shapes phase right now.
Jul 2014 · 416
s i g n a l f l a r e
Megan Grace Jul 2014
I     a m     l o s t.
I  rowed  my  boat  out
I think I was looking for you
but it was all murky water and
thick swamp air. I swear I could
hear you shouting for me, hear
you playing your banjo, hear
you whispering my favorite
Neruda  poem,  hear  that
conversation     with
R   o   m   a    n
("So he won you over?"
"I played on her heart strings."
"Mmm, yeah, something like that.")
bubbling out of every ripple in the
water. I picked up my flashlight to see
your eyes, see that bump on the bridge
of your nose, see those pieces of hair
that always stick up, see your slow
s            m             i             l           e
(god, my all time favorite smile
ever    on   a   person's    face)
but my beam caught just a
glimmer of your   h a n d
before  it   burned   out
I'm certain it was you
so I threw it in the
green w a t e r in
my final act of
frustration.
I am lost.
Jul 2014 · 816
#236
Megan Grace Jul 2014
i   wish   i
knew  the
right way
toquityou
but   even
think i n g
about     it
makes my
bonesache
help     me
h   e   l    p
myself  t o
s    t   o   p
lovingyou
this has been in my drafts since august
Jul 2014 · 358
Ryan Harrison
Megan Grace Jul 2014
I'd
let this
w e a t h e r
pool up to my
door through my
windows across my
living room floor if
it     would     just
remind  you  of
m         e
.
60% chance of scattered showers
Jul 2014 · 443
fizzle
Megan Grace Jul 2014
I'm sure by this point I have
exploded and expanded,
breached countless lines
and crossed several borders,
wrote my name in the
clouds with yours following
it just to see what it would
look like strung out like
that. I want to be purple
and green (and blue so
you'll notice me) and as
orange as the third inner-
most layer of the sun. Please
pay attention to me. It's
the least you could do to
pay me back for the way I
have been overwhelmed
by you for this long.
Jul 2014 · 522
{}
Megan Grace Jul 2014
{}
we pour our hearts out onto paper,
into the streets, i n t o  someone's
mouth,    into    anything    that
could even begin to   hold  all
that   l o n g i n g,   all  those
staples  and  plaster   a n d
glue.  we  forget  that  we
thought our love could
run like rivers, forget
that  we  had   o u r
hearts set on some
b l u r r y,  sunny
dream     of     a
future.       w e
forgetbecause
we  have  to,
becausewe
need  to,
because
otherwi­se
this will eat
us alive- this
will pull at our
seams  from   the
inside-out until all
of  our  pieces   start
p o p p i n g  off when
we're just  trying  to buy
groceries or play  with  our
nieces and nephews. we forget
because we have no other choice.
two sections of something much bigger i'm working on
Jul 2014 · 465
Mercury
Megan Grace Jul 2014
i love you the way you
love space- like you are
the most magnificent
being i have ever seen
but i cannot hold you,
cannot hope to contain
any part of you, cannot
make you appreciate my
existence in the same way
Jul 2014 · 742
teal
Megan Grace Jul 2014
I remember the first
time we kissed in
your living room on
one of the hottest
days in June. You
spun me in a circle
to the sound of that
new French record
you had just bought
and then you pulled
me to you
quietly
gently
and with a fire in every
crevice of my body
I said, "You're
tall. I like that." You
ran your thumb down
my ear, whispered,
"I like you" into my
forehead.
Jul 2014 · 412
December 20, 2013
Megan Grace Jul 2014
You sent me a text

I'm in love with you.

simple words I had
already heard from
your mouth but were
nice to see in type.
I don't even have
your number
anymore.
Jun 2014 · 623
Boy Meets World
Megan Grace Jun 2014
If you're reading this
if you're   seeing this
if you're hearing this
just  know   that  this
is  about that   t i m e
(the        last        time)
you grabbed my face
with  both   hands  in
the    stockroom   and
kissed me.  Just know
that t h i s is about the
first night  I fell asleep
in  that bed with your
nose pressed  into my
n e c k       and  how  I
haven't    slept    since.
Just    k n o w    this  is
about how the curve of
your     bottom    lip    is
imprinted   in  the   back
of my dreams on the rare
nights  that  I  do,   about
how  I  like to   r u n   my
fingers  on  my    forearm
because if I     f l e x     it a
certain way it feels a little
like    yours.    Just   know
that this is about the parts
of me I let   you  have and
how I don't   w a n t  them
back,  about  how  I  really
have been  trying to move
on but it's  g o t t e n     me
nowhere  except  dead end
roads or  t r a i l s  that stop
with  me  not  being able to
sleep in my   bed   anymore
because  I  shared  it     with
someone  who  wasn't  you.
This is about how I am still
in    love    with   you,   will
always be in love with you,
cannot  figure   out  how  to
stop being in love with you.
If     you're      reading    this
if   you're   s e e i n g       this
if     you're       hearing    this
I  miss  you.  C o m e    back.
Jun 2014 · 586
Wes Anderson
Megan Grace Jun 2014
i was fine   before you so i
will survive after you, but
it's  just  that   i'm   having
trouble figuring out  what
parts of me have    always
existed     and  what  parts
are         your         creation
Jun 2014 · 604
yellow
Megan Grace Jun 2014
I need to open myself up and throw
away  all  of  this  stuff  inside me
that  tastes  l i k e  leftover  milk
and rotting   t o m a t o e s.   I
stupidly   let    out    all   the
f e a t h e r s  and sunlight
you've   been   sneaking
into  me for the  p a s t
year and I want them
back  I  want  them
back I want them
back  I    w a n t
them   back   I
want   t h e m
back I  want
you   back.
Jun 2014 · 568
banjo picks
Megan Grace Jun 2014
I haven't figured out how to
even begin to sew myself
back together because
I swear there are
pieces  o f   me
scattered all
over  this
town.
I
think
I  l e f t
most   of
them   o n
y o u r  front
porch yesterday
but then there are
some in Lawrence and
Overland Park and I don't
know how to find them. I don't
want to be happy with someone else,
Ryan. You are the only person who has
ever looked at my  heart  (so mangled
and disfigured by hollow promises)
and still wanted to keep it. I will
never  ask  for  it  back,  I  can
guarantee you that, so you
might as well get used to
the sound of it aching
for you from under
your bed and in
the    back    of
your closet.
In case you're reading.


Please talk to me.
Jun 2014 · 296
piatto's
Megan Grace Jun 2014
today after work i went to see you
and i shouldn't have
god i shouldn't have
because when you opened the door
i forgot everything i was going to
say. you looked so lovely- like you
had just gotten out of bed although
it was five pm- and you didn't tell
me what i wanted to hear but for
just a few minutes your words
were meant for me again.
"I never lied about loving you, but
I think it's best if I don't talk to you
so you can be happy with someone
else."
Jun 2014 · 415
red
Megan Grace Jun 2014
red
I will not
apologize
for wanting
to know what
it would be like
to sleep near him,
to know what he sounded
like as he was drifting off, to see
his tired eyes in the morning.
Because I was trying to find
something in   someone else
for the first t i m e  in forever
and  that's  okay.   I  will  not
apologize     for being selfish
just this one   time when my
life  has  been  a     torrential
downpour           o f         m e
g                        
i      
     v
                       i
      n
g            
every   ounce   I  have inside
of me to   o t h e r   people up
until this point.  I just needed
to  know  how  it  would  feel
to  be  next  to  someone  ­new.
I  hated  it,  for  the  record.
He doesn't breathe like you.
Jun 2014 · 630
06.23.14
Megan Grace Jun 2014
He asked me if I ever worry my
life is like The Truman Show and
one day I'll wake up and realize
everyone around me was an actor,
that everything I thought I had
known until that moment was a
lie. But god I worry enough for
a whole village and if I added that
to my list I would never sleep
never eat never brush my teeth. I
do not know how to steady my
hands anymore when I think
about how you told me you were
in love with me and you didn't
mean it didn't mean it didn't mean
it.
I'm sorry for my lack of actual poetry lately.
Jun 2014 · 538
purple
Megan Grace Jun 2014
He said,
"You have
the best skin
of all the women
on the planet Earth."
Last night I slept with
someone else's fingers
on me. I wish they had
been yours, instead.
Jun 2014 · 414
twenty-one
Megan Grace Jun 2014
i parked my car just up the hill
from your  house  and it was
dark but  i  think  your  tv
was on (i wonder what
show you've decided
to smother yourself
in this summer)
and my fingers
were tingling
and i was
having
trouble
figuring
out how
my lungs
worked and
i   turned   my
engine  o f f  and
tried  to  walk  up
to your door, really,
i  did  but  then  i  saw
your  plants   o n    the
porch and  the  garden
in the yard that y o u
love so much and i
remembered  that
those things do
not belong to
m e,  t h e y
belong to
her. and
so do
you.
and as
much  as
i   want   to
hear your voice
(because even after
only  this  short  time
i t ' s  become fuzzy
in the back of my
mind and in my
dreams)  it   is
not   mine  to
w o r s h i p
anymore.
Jun 2014 · 697
McAllister's
Megan Grace Jun 2014
you
w i l l
always
be white
noise,    a
thrumming
in my fingertips
as i'm falling asleep,
a long-existing ache in
my chest from not telling
you  i loved  you for  too
many months. i wanted
you- hot  and  cold and
not being able to break
from you- but i cannot
want you anymore,
cannot   miss   you
anymore, cannot
dream about
y   o   u   r
p r o m i s e s
and your laugh,
cannot wake up
hoping you've
walked out of
mymindand
f  o  u  n  d
yourself    in
the extra space
in   my   bed.   i
missyou,though.
how sad is that, to
miss  someone  who
carved me out to   make
room for  w h a t  i thought
was himself and filled me only
with  beautiful  words  that  were
empty                    ­                      
                                    empty
­empty.                          
i want to move on
i want to move
i want to
i want
i
Jun 2014 · 360
green
Megan Grace Jun 2014
It scares me that I was right
where  you  wanted me. I
was nothing  but one  of
your masterpieces (oil
on canvas), a rubber
duck floating out
to  sea  with  no
r e d flares and
a   hurricane
o  n   t  h  e
h  o  r  i  z  o  n  .
Jun 2014 · 1.1k
orange
Megan Grace Jun 2014
If I could track myself down
(go back to when I completely
lost myself in you) I'm sure I'd
be on your couch with that
white blanket and your
h  e  a  r  t  b  e  a  t
racingracingracing
beneathe my ear. How
does
it feel to sit there without
me now? I wonder if you miss
me, do you wish         you could call
me, do you wish you could kiss
my fingers like you used to? I
had a dream last night
that we got married
on a jungle gym.
I dropped some
books off on your
front   porch   and   I
wonder  how  you felt
when you saw them
there.  I  hope  it
hurt even just
a  l i t t l e.
Jun 2014 · 417
Greater Than
Megan Grace Jun 2014
I
had
thought
y o u  w e r e
worth every star
in a country sky but
you do  not  deserve my
hardest laughs, my lightest
fingers, my early morning
grouchiness. I  u s e d  to
believe   y o u   were
the  whole  entire
w  o  r  l  d  .
I have a lot of small thoughts that I'm trying to turn into one, cohesive thought. Sorry for this tiny madness.
Megan Grace Jun 2014
It is weird that I will never go to a
Foxlin show, never hear the songs
you claim are about me, never let
the words run across the floor and
up my legs, never let them settle
deep down in the gaping hole you
left just to the right of my heart.
It was strange to be the subject
of your art. I wonder how you
feel being the subject of mine.
Jun 2014 · 1.0k
Lips and Dollars
Megan Grace Jun 2014
It will always remind me of the
fabric on the seats of your
beat up Taurus (god I was so
scared of that car, of you), a
profession of love for Whole
Foods and the best rootbeer
I'll ever taste (you sat yours
in the cup holder between
us to grab my face and say,
"Hey, look at me. You're so
beautiful" before reigniting
everything with your mouth on
my mouth), a book of pictures
of New York City (the one you
said you wanted to buy for me
and snuck off the shelf and to
the counter when I wasn't looking)
that I can't seem to throw out
no matter how hard I try, and
you telling me "it's happening"
when I apologized for my lack
of meat-eating that was
keeping you from falling in
love with me. Tell me how
I'm supposed to move on,
please, because I'm having
trouble forgetting your details.
title is my favorite Cataldo song
Jun 2014 · 572
6/13/14
Megan Grace Jun 2014
oh god i'm so sorry
i built you a tsunami
when all you wanted
was a rain shower i
wanted (needed) to
be your answer but
you had no open-
ended questions i
am drunk and i called
someone else
I found this in my journal this morning
Jun 2014 · 1.9k
Beagle
Megan Grace Jun 2014
Today I am glad that you
will never look at me that
one way- like I am made
out of gold or something
they scraped off of the
surface of the moon, like
I am every answer to
every question you could
have possibly had- again.
you didn't mean it
you didn't mean it
you didn't mean it
you didn't mean it
Jun 2014 · 1.2k
Five
Megan Grace Jun 2014
breathe.
because you know what you
do when someone ***** you
over? you calmly take your
heart out of their hands
and leave. you think maybe
you'll sew it back on to
your sleeve but not now, not
today. you put their things
in a box (their cds, their
shirts, their books, their
notes, the little things you
picked up on your dates)
and you put it on the
highest shelf in your
closet, because someday
you will want to remember
them, maybe. if you don't
want to remember them, you
give them the box, you
donate the box, you throw
the box in the river. and
you breathe. because you
deserve better. you deserve
someone who doesn't consider
you a fallback, a plan b.
you will be someone's plan.
you will be the only plan.
you will be my-god-what-
was-i-doing-before-you-
walked-around-that-
corner. remember that
you are enough.
breathe.
I will be okay.
Jun 2014 · 509
Wednesday Rewrite
Megan Grace Jun 2014
I opened my mouth
and let out the
feathers I've had
hidden in there
since the first morning
I woke up to your
fingers wiggling
on my shoulder,
let the emptiness
settle deep in my
stomach. But I need
reasons to feel whole,
so today I find the
thought that you will
never walk up my
marble staircase again,
never put your hand
on my doorknob again,
never complain about my
pink couch again, never
bat away my fern that
has overgrown its place
again, never spend time
finding my most
ticklish spots again,
never stop in the
kitchen on your way
out to kiss me goodbye
again, never wave at
me with just one finger
the way I so loved
again to be oddly
comforting. I'm glad
you will not be
coming over anymore.
Jun 2014 · 557
Cayucos
Megan Grace Jun 2014
I
slowly

secretly

etched
my name
into the
skin on
the back
of your
forearm.
You can't
escape me.
You can

delete

me from
every social
media site,
but you
will
not forget
me.
No no
you will
never
forget
me.
Jun 2014 · 577
Purge
Megan Grace Jun 2014
I am sorry that I
wrote so many
beautiful
things
about
you.
Because you don't deserve my best words.
Jun 2014 · 899
fifty weeks later
Megan Grace Jun 2014
This does not hurt
as much as I had
thought it would.
Although you ran
a bulldozer over
my midsection, I am
somehow still breathing,
somehow still getting up
and moving, because
what else can I do
except go on?
I am going to try this time, really, I am.
Jun 2014 · 436
a poem
Megan Grace Jun 2014
*******

f
u
c
k

y
o
u

f    u    c    k     y    o    u

f
u
  c
   k

     y
   o
u

no really though,

*******.
I'll think of a better way to say this later, I swear.
Jun 2014 · 383
June Hymn
Megan Grace Jun 2014
.................................

                      I

     ­              a
                m

               s
             u
            r
           e

   t     ha    t

         p
         l
         a
         n
         t
         s

g     r o    w

         t
         o
         w
          a
           r
           d
             s

               y
                o
                  u
(title is my current favorite song by The Decemberists)
Jun 2014 · 409
Eyelit Revisited
Megan Grace Jun 2014
the first time i went to see
your band you said, "well
now you know we're
nothing special" but god i
can't even tell you what
bubbled inside of me just
watching your fingers on
your banjo (something i
had only seen in your
living room until then) and
that little sway you do on
the slower songs rocks in
the background of my
quietest dreams. every
movement you make is
what i consider the most
special act on the planet.
Jun 2014 · 332
Nodaway Island
Megan Grace Jun 2014
I
always
keep driving
until I get to where
there's  nothing  but
trees and curves and
sometimes water, until I
forget what I was running
from in the first place.
There is something
so comforting
about open
road
s
o
l
i
t
u
d
e
.
today i felt itchy
Jun 2014 · 447
#186
Megan Grace Jun 2014
You have filled
me up with
dust, and I
mean that in
the best way
possible. It's
the kind of
dust that you
blow off of
grandfather
clocks in the
basement of
antique malls,
the kind that
is wise and
has seen it
all (even us
sneaking a
kiss in the
corner), the
kind that
sticks
around.
May 2014 · 683
for the record
Megan Grace May 2014
today you squeezed my
arm the way i like
and said, "i miss
you all the
t
   i
     m
         e
            .
               "
I just want to keep track of all of these things.
May 2014 · 4.6k
New Slang
Megan Grace May 2014
I only want  you
to  think  of   me
as someone  you
can  call  "home"
Title is my favorite song by The Shins
Megan Grace May 2014
help me i am
 
                  d
                  e
                  k
       h        o
            o

from the way
you laugh to
the movement
of your hands
when you tell
a story. i do
not want to be
with anyone
else.
Megan Grace May 2014
I do not know
how to write
about what is
happening
inside of me.
It feels similar
to what I would
imagine goes
on during
hurricanes or
flash floods.
I think that's
what I mean. I
have such a
strong desire to
reach in to the
space between
my lungs (the
place I've let him
call his for so
long now) and
just run my fingers
along the edge of
what is now
a blank spot,
seemingly bigger
than the grand
canyon. I want
him to talk to
me because he's
the only person
who knows what
I mean when even
I don't, but I
cannot call him no
no.
I cannot hurt like
this anymore.
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