can
you
feel
my
f                    
          l               i                                        
o              n                  
         n              g              
                    g             e              
                               i              r              
                              ­         n              s      
                            g
for
you
from
across
this
town?

... ..... ......... ........... ..... .......... ....... ... it's
reassuring  that  someday    rain   will
not remind me of  you banjos will not
make me think of  y o u r  fingers  my
couch will not whisper  "I    love   you
you know I   love   you" anymore that
song                    you like will not have
your                    laugh  ringing   under
i       t                  my      favorite sweater
w   i   l   l      no    l o n g e r    have   the
lingering s c e n t of your shampoo my
hands will not ache for your hands my
lungs  will   not  burn  from   a i r   that
isn't                                                   yours

I     a m     l o s t.
I  rowed  my  boat  out
I think I was looking for you
but it was all murky water and
thick swamp air. I swear I could
hear you shouting for me, hear
you playing your banjo, hear
you whispering my favorite
Neruda  poem,  hear  that
conversation     with
R   o   m   a    n
("So he won you over?"
"I played on her heart strings."
"Mmm, yeah, something like that.")
bubbling out of every ripple in the
water. I picked up my flashlight to see
your eyes, see that bump on the bridge
of your nose, see those pieces of hair
that always stick up, see your slow
s            m             i             l           e
(god, my all time favorite smile
ever    on   a   person's    face)
but my beam caught just a
glimmer of your   h a n d
before  it   burned   out
I'm certain it was you
so I threw it in the
green w a t e r in
my final act of
frustration.
I am lost.

i   wish   i
knew  the
right way
toquityou
but   even
think i n g
about     it
makes my
bonesache
help     me
h   e   l    p
myself  t o
s    t   o   p
lovingyou

I'd
let this
w e a t h e r
pool up to my
door through my
windows across my
living room floor if
it     would     just
remind  you  of
m         e
.

I'm sure by this point I have
exploded and expanded,
breached countless lines
and crossed several borders,
wrote my name in the
clouds with yours following
it just to see what it would
look like strung out like
that. I want to be purple
and green (and blue so
you'll notice me) and as
orange as the third inner-
most layer of the sun. Please
pay attention to me. It's
the least you could do to
pay me back for the way I
have been overwhelmed
by you for this long.