I need to open myself up and throw
away  all  of  this  stuff  inside me
that  tastes  l i k e  leftover  milk
and rotting   t o m a t o e s.   I
stupidly   let    out    all   the
f e a t h e r s  and sunlight
you've   been   sneaking
into  me for the  p a s t
year and I want them
back  I  want  them
back I want them
back  I    w a n t
them   back   I
want   t h e m
back I  want
you   back.

today after work i went to see you
and i shouldn't have
god i shouldn't have
because when you opened the door
i forgot everything i was going to
say. you looked so lovely- like you
had just gotten out of bed although
it was five pm- and you didn't tell
me what i wanted to hear but for
just a few minutes your words
were meant for me again.

He asked me if I ever worry my
life is like The Truman Show and
one day I'll wake up and realize
everyone around me was an actor,
that everything I thought I had
known until that moment was a
lie. But god I worry enough for
a whole village and if I added that
to my list I would never sleep
never eat never brush my teeth. I
do not know how to steady my
hands anymore when I think
about how you told me you were
in love with me and you didn't
mean it didn't mean it didn't mean
it.

He said,
"You have
the best skin
of all the women
on the planet Earth."

i parked my car just up the hill
from your  house  and it was
dark but  i  think  your  tv
was on (i wonder what
show you've decided
to smother yourself
in this summer)
and my fingers
were tingling
and i was
having
trouble
figuring
out how
my lungs
worked and
i   turned   my
engine  o f f  and
tried  to  walk  up
to your door, really,
i  did  but  then  i  saw
your  plants   o n    the
porch and  the  garden
in the yard that y o u
love so much and i
remembered  that
those things do
not belong to
m e,  t h e y
belong to
her. and
so do
you.
and as
much  as
i   want   to
hear your voice
(because even after
only  this  short  time
i t ' s  become fuzzy
in the back of my
mind and in my
dreams)  it   is
not   mine  to
w o r s h i p
anymore.