you and i,
we are open
hearts on
hardwood
floors and
we step lightly
for fear of
unsettling the
room. one
day, though,
we will
no longer
be afraid
and we will
pick up
everything we
left sitting
out, and i
will hand you
all that i
have with
the knowledge
that you will
never drop
it, never lose
it, never take
it for granted.
i like knowing
that someday
i will be safe
with you.

I am what Webster's defines
as a wreck
a mess
a disaster
because lately I've been
missing you so much that my
legs ache, that I can barely
speak around the knot in
my chest when I see you.
how do you tell someone you
don't know how to be without
them without sounding desperate?
I only know how to love you
in the scariest ways.

When I was little I wanted to be
a teacher and change lives, but
now I just want to find a way to
speak in phrases that make sense.
I'm not sure what I'm doing, and I
wish I could put my ear to the earth
and have her whisper me directions
to my future. There has to be an easier
way. Because I have been losing myself
in the remnants of things I never really
had. How do I go back how do I move
forward how do I forget? It's too hard.

I
don't
know
what else
to say except
that I am here,
Ryan. I am always
here.

god, you
said something like
"this just makes our story
more interesting" and
up until that moment
I had thought you'd
given up on writing
new chapters with
me.

I wish you were
one of those people
who made drunk
phone calls.