Black soot
Shrivelled up Cadbury
wrapper eyes
You were not my antidote
You turned a balanced

happy
friendly
spice 'n' all things nice girl
into a hermit with
bloodied fingers, a
self-destructive narcissist
(or did you just
coax her out of her shell)
well

I quit on you
the ****** is the **** spoon
your prose the lighter
your hips the dealer
my heart the coffin.

I cried
I cry
I will cry
Over your constellation swamps
Housing crocodiles
Water-borne diseases
and piranhas
I am naive;
I think my youth protects me.

My youth enslaves me.
Binds me in paper chains.

I remember a certain cold
Cold like a scalpel
I remember your face

Illuminated by a Ferris wheel
The aquiline nose and glint in the eyes
Asymmetrical ivory in the mouth

We were bibliophiles
Expounding upon the potency of the written word
Enthralled by each other's soliloquies.

I remember
The moisture, texture, warmth of your lips
Comforting, numbing, exhilarating

The ****** effect of your flesh
Delirium in my bloodstream
The hushed tenor of your voice

Temperate breath tickling the whorls of my ear
Known to me only in a dream.

I flicker
between reassuring myself
and planning my funeral

I am violent
I would scratch your eyes
out with spoons
but they're perfection

you belong in formaldehyde
it will preserve you
the seraph who injected
bleach in my veins

but I am queen of the masochists.