the oceans have been speaking your name while i've rested in their embrace
lately you are not inside my heart as much as you are inside my veins
and i promise you the innocent memory of your shallow breaths will never leave here again
i am afraid of the creatures under my skin and the desire for my lips to echo sins
the fear creates illusions of its own and lets my demons leave their trails
on my tongue and in my heart
walls and broken glass will only do so much good
but those with a threshold for such deathless affliction shall always prevail
widened eyes widened sight and widened perception of what is what isn't and what must be
and you've proven these truths a million times
i've needed the sun here to repent
and shine light on what i've kept in the dark for so long
but i've realized that your eyes embed sunrises into the shadows of my being
and that your lips speak of enlightenment that i do not dare question
i've tested your endurance more than once
and every time you've proved that you will remain by my side
you said that i've been wounded but that i have not passed the point of mortality
and i've said it's felt this way for however long i can remember
and i've said my wrists have shown my stories and left the tribulations i've suffered
on my skin for you to read
and you kissed them clean
and lifted the weights they held
and in that moment i swear that i realized i've never felt so pure
as much as i have
with you

i swore to myself
that a flick of the tongue
would never shelter self-hatred
so deeply embedded into the patchwork of my being.

contagion is a sad **** thing
and cycles seem to be an endlessly contributing factor
those who hurt cannot become hurt
and so we place our self-pity at the top of our priorities
disregarding emotion so carefully hidden in the fragile mind of others.
however there are few who's torment is only self-projected

i am one
an anathema that exists in silence

my past has been placed in a box full of secrets
along with the evidence of my self-mutilation
is there a way to keep my eyes shut and my dignity revealed?
this world is numb, and the apathy must be getting to me
because i would rather not feel a **** thing
than to be plagued by misery
from myself and the ones i love
however, emotions are not choices
and humans cannot be reprogrammed

it seems the pleas and slurs i leave in place of words
are what my familiars take to heart
bodies speak such complex languages
and not everyone has the patience
or the attentiveness
to listen to anything other than a cry

and although i warn
and beg for warmth
i receive only glaciers
and memories of faces
overwritten with impassivity
what i would give
to reach into the darkest parts of my soul
and rip out this sorrow
that has clung itself to the shadows of my psyche

in the depths of my worst memories
there is a wish
a want
a need
to take this heart of mine
and throw it to wolves
to be destroyed but desensitized
in my heart
is all my pity
my lust
my anger
my sadness
and sunshine darkened and gutted
so very long ago