you are so starving for love. but you
throw it up every time it's given
you starve for something
from anyone
but refuse it
you pretend to let me in. [you need to]
but you don't
you can't. being alone
is far more appealing
no attachments, no strings
everyone gives. you take
you will leave when you're done. [you'll leave alone]
you need people
but you feel suffocated. so you'll fight
your way through an empty room
fight till you can breath again
fight till you're free from the demons
on your shoulder. you want love
hungry again
someone is selling i'm sure
but love is a trade
& you're far too attached to your things
you'll stay a wanderer
take what you want
spit out what you don't need
you'll infect everything
& leave before the symptoms show.

we ask ourselves
               when does it end?
[the sadness]
[the suffering]
[the pain]
                              
                              it never ends.
                              [never]
we are too selfish to be happy
                              to [let anyone else be happy]

               selfish.

its much easier to be in pain
no one can be better if
we are all
[suffering]

stop playing house!
& come have fun
you'll be much happier
causing trouble
with me

[stop.]
playing house. you don't mean it
(& you never will)
you would rather
be out
causing trouble
with me

stop playing
house. (you liar.)
she knows

stop [playing] house
living [her] fairy tale lie
come live in the shadows
with me.

it's been a while
i feel rusty [like a beginner]
i've been distracted [scared]
afraid of what i might say
the secrets i might give up
afraid of possibility
i've been hiding
[these words]
they leave no room for nerves
i must be brave
face myself
[my greatest enemy]

make it stop. make it stop!
someone...
make it all go away
i'm crawling out of my skin
i can't escape it
make it stop. i've tried. i can't.
it's here
& it's staying

here we lay
soaking up our sins
tangled up in the passion
we can't escape it
life has spit us out
second chances have been wasted
back to our old ways
[should i continue]?
on this road i've traveled before
traveled, then escaped [for a short while]
we can't escape who we are
even if we want change
i can't escape the wrongs i've done
when i'm sure to do them again.

it strikes me as odd
how blind we are to [our own lives]
we think
we are the captains of our own ships
                              but we are not
                              there is no captain
                              no leader
               only wind
               blowing us about
[we don't even know the direction we are going]

you've invaded
& you're taking over
i no longer know where i end & you
                         [begin]
                         you've invaded
& you're taking over
i've been infected since the moment
                         [you touched me]
                         you've invaded
& my armies just aren't
strong enough
you're taking over
                         i surrender.
                         [the end]

the best part of the day
your eyes aren't open yet
                         [but you're awake]
you are content
                         well rested
                         peaceful still

the three minutes before last nights
          regrets come falling into view
before you open your eyes
          & the harsh sun, shines light
          on all of your mistakes

[ashamed]
time to shower
                         to wash away the sins
how glorious those first moments were

peaceful.

[do you really want the truth?]
because i don't want to tell. not a single
word will agree
with you.
i don't think you want to know
[do you really want the truth?]
because i'm sure it will **** you. people
always say they want
the truth. but i know better
i know the secret
so [do you still want the truth?]
i don't want to tell
please don't make me
i can't be the one to break your heart
don't give me that responsibility
not when you're so good at it.

a part of me is dead.
                              [you'll never understand]
i envy your ignorance
it must be nice
                              a part of me is dead
its all my fault
always running
always hiding
i feel like i'm fighting
but
i'm not
                              a part of me is dead
because i'm a coward
                              a part of me is dead
                              [& you'll never understand]

**** me now
where [i stand]
for i'll never find peace
while [i walk]
only where [i lay]

wondering
                                                                (i'm always wondering)
                                                                               my mind is never still
my thoughts always wander
               i can hardly sleeps
                                                                                      restless
                                                                (i'm always restless)
                                            i wish the drugs kept my thoughts at bay

i'm running away
[to anywhere that will have me]
this isn't the place for me
anymore
(was it ever?)
i'm running away
[to anywhere that doesn't remind me]
its all around me here
i need to get away
[i'm running]

cross my fingers. hope
to survive
if i sit here
still & silent,
i'll be safe
                              [is there a better way?]
i'm too scared
to make a move.