cross my fingers. hope
to survive
if i sit here
still & silent,
i'll be safe
                              [is there a better way?]
i'm too scared
to make a move.

we ask ourselves
               when does it end?
[the sadness]
[the suffering]
[the pain]
                              
                              it never ends.
                              [never]
we are too selfish to be happy
                              to [let anyone else be happy]

               selfish.

its much easier to be in pain
no one can be better if
we are all
[suffering]

it strikes me as odd
how blind we are to [our own lives]
we think
we are the captains of our own ships
                              but we are not
                              there is no captain
                              no leader
               only wind
               blowing us about
[we don't even know the direction we are going]

stop playing house!
& come have fun
you'll be much happier
causing trouble
with me

[stop.]
playing house. you don't mean it
(& you never will)
you would rather
be out
causing trouble
with me

stop playing
house. (you liar.)
she knows

stop [playing] house
living [her] fairy tale lie
come live in the shadows
with me.

make it stop. make it stop!
someone...
make it all go away
i'm crawling out of my skin
i can't escape it
make it stop. i've tried. i can't.
it's here
& it's staying

you are so starving for love. but you
throw it up every time it's given
you starve for something
from anyone
but refuse it
you pretend to let me in. [you need to]
but you don't
you can't. being alone
is far more appealing
no attachments, no strings
everyone gives. you take
you will leave when you're done. [you'll leave alone]
you need people
but you feel suffocated. so you'll fight
your way through an empty room
fight till you can breath again
fight till you're free from the demons
on your shoulder. you want love
hungry again
someone is selling i'm sure
but love is a trade
& you're far too attached to your things
you'll stay a wanderer
take what you want
spit out what you don't need
you'll infect everything
& leave before the symptoms show.

you've invaded
& you're taking over
i no longer know where i end & you
                         [begin]
                         you've invaded
& you're taking over
i've been infected since the moment
                         [you touched me]
                         you've invaded
& my armies just aren't
strong enough
you're taking over
                         i surrender.
                         [the end]