Meagan Berry

Meagan Berry Jun 2011

I'm confident!* I scream.
A few people on coffee runs turn my way.
I check my watch and climb up on my chair.
I'm confident! I scream just a bit louder.
I am a confident woman!
I few more people pause from their lunch breaks
and shoot snide looks in my direction.
I climb up onto the table where I had been enjoying a Philadelphia roll
a few minutes ago. I take a deep breath.
I'm confident! I yell so the whole street can hear me.
I am! I don't care that I'm here alone! Or that I'm not my perfect weight!
I am confident!
I'm breathing heavily, glowing with the success of my impromptu performance.
I feel a tug on my pant leg, and below me is a weathered woman
who reminds me of my mother with the concerned wrinkles between her eyebrows
and the history in her eyes.
Get down here she snaps at me.
Get off that **** table. Now.
I hop down and sit at the table where I had been before my performance.
You can't just do that.
Do what?
Lie!
I don't answer right away, and I look around
to see if someone put her up to this. What?
Hunny she takes my hand You're not confident if you have
to prove it to me ok? So let's stay away from the tables and proclamations today.
As my mouth gapes open
she waddles off the restaurant patio and melts into the urban daytime rush.

Meagan Berry Jan 2011

The Plague

Here's my problem with
"He's all wrong for you:"
do you have anyone lined up who is "all right" for me?
I may be too good for him in your eyes,
but who actually counts the tally?
You fuss and insult until finally
I drive us apart because
I can't stand being with someone
you've convinced me I'm better than.
Then within hours you're dragging me out,
wondering out loud
why I can't get over such a low life.
But what I don't see
are all of these guys, who you deem acceptable,
lined up to love me.
I see years alone,
and an unfinished break up
to plague me.

Meagan Berry Dec 2010

I forgot.

I forgot.  And I know
I'm supposed to tell you my true feelings here,
but, you don't want to know,
because
I forgot.  I want to say I was
conniving and
cunning and
coy.  But honestly,
I just forgot.

Meagan Berry Aug 2010

I expected you to choose me.

I expected you to choose me.
I told people that I didn't-
Too young
Too small
Too handsome.
I didn't need the fall.

I fell harder than I would have believed
And as we sat on the lawn
Cicadas chirping around us
I felt the weight of the world
Fall onto my shoulders
As you left me like only you could.

And left me isn't even fair
Since we weren't even something
You could leave behind.
But still my hearts aches for the child-
Because, really, that's what you are-
Who chose me second
Even though you promised me,
It wasn't a choice
Just bad timing
And ****** luck.

Meagan Berry Jul 2010

And what was that?

No one bothered asking my opinion
when the water tower bent and swayed with the wind.
We sat up there for long hours,
waiting.
For what, I am not sure.
But I stayed there with them during those hours and when finally
the question was raised,
as it always was,
no one asked me
nor did I care.

Meagan Berry Jun 2010

Eyes

Your eyes reminded me of cliche things like
endless oceans and
romantic sunsets and
smelling like your cologne.
Sweet kisses and
surprise tulips (my favorite).
Breezy days when I forget my coat
and wear yours instead.
Moonlit walks and
candlelit dinners.
But your eyes also remind me of
that
that
God, I can't even say it.
Your eyes remind me of that man.
And I know it isn't fair
but they remind me of the man who raised me
and that scares me more than you'll ever know.

Meagan Berry Jun 2010

Hey Stranger

I saw you staring
even though
I pretended I didn't.
You were sitting across the room and
I can't help but wonder
what would have happened
if you hadn't reminded me so much
of my father.