Dawn makes a welcoming appearance
over the green mountains surrounding the valley.
Tired eyes open wide to see the sky
light up a baby blue,
bringing back sudden childhood memories
of laying in freshly trimmed grass.

One slow but steady breath
opens up lungs that hang dearly onto
the new day air.
Through a small bustle of trees
and mountain sides,
the horizon becomes a musky orange
from both pollution and sunlight.

Miles away, but close enough to see
with the naked eye,
city lights disappear one by one
as natural light creeps it's way
across the valley with every breath it takes.

Both sounds of birds and industry
hit eardrums to complete the scene.
Sounds of cars starting and
wives saying goodbye
as suburban life wakes
to mother natures call.

It's a new day.
All senses take it in with
every second that passes by.
The world is awake and singing
good morning.

You don't need to give your life to me
because you think I want you to.
You don't need to be kind or loving,
But honestly, it is a pretty good thing to do.

You don't need to pray everyday
hoping to get into heaven,
thinking it could be your last
any day soon.

Sometimes I worry
that you don't live the way I created you to.
Instead of praying for death,
create your own heaven on earth,
and do what you want to do

You argue, and you bicker, and you fight.
Everyone believing that they are the ones that know
what's truly right.
But maybe instead of praying for the truth
Focus on the love you can give
and go crazy like free youth.

You don't need to worry
about what I might think of you
because most importantly you should always know
that no matter what,
I'll always love you.

I sit in a single chair
In my house of clear glass walls.
My hands folded over a note in my lap
I keep my head bowed.
Black covers the room all around me for miles
Yet small hints of light reflect off the glass
The stars shine through my glass roof,
But I do not look up to see them
I keep my head bowed.
I clasp the note with one hand and let it crumple into a small ball
The edges of the paper pierce into my skin
I quietly smooth it out
I read the inked words in the dark
Knowing them by heart
From the corner of my eye I see a slim line of bright light
The light suddenly begins to creep into the glass room and I look up.
The sun is rising over the snow-capped mountains
Outside of my glass prison.
I can now see the field around me
I am there and I can see and it is beautiful
I stand and walk to the wall in front of me.
The note flutters from my hands and
I let it fall to the ground.
I put one hand against the once cold glass,
Now warm from the suns rays
I look at myself in the reflection
And look past my eyes at the coming dawn
I raise my other hand into a fist and smash it hard against the glass.
Blood runs hot from my mangled hand as the house shatters
Like a fast ripple in a pond
The air is full of falling glass,
Each shard refracting and redirecting the morning's light.
The fresh air fills my lungs and I smirk at the sun
I’m gone
The house is just many fragments of broken grass
Around a note that says
"Goodbye cruel world."

He was stuck
He was lost
He was confused
So he went searching
He traveled
He went to New York
He went to China
But still, he was searching
He wandered the many cities
He hiked Everest
He walked the Coast
But still, he was searching
He was unsure
He didn't know
He wouldn't give up
He was searching
He went to a small town
He found something
He didn't understand
he stopped searching
He found her
He felt complete
He found his missing piece
She was stuck
She was lost
She found him
They stopped searching

Since I was young,
I always dreamed of travel
I would fantasize about climbing Mt. Everest
Feeling the stinging cold of the wind hitting my face
I would fantasize about studying with the monks of Thailand
Learning how they spiritually survive
And find peace
Once I was in high school,
I protested to everyone that I needed to get away
I needed distance from my hometown
To get out of the bubble of the religion
That ran the town I grew up in
I felt high school was like being trapped in a cage
Fighting my way towards the light at the end of the tunnel
Like a prisoner, serving a 12 year sentence
Using nothing but a plastic spoon from the cafeteria
Digging myself deeper into a hole
That I knew would lead to freedom
My first year of college wasn’t any better
I learned the hard way that money really is
The only way to survive this world
And boy, it’s not easy to come by.
And no matter how hard I tried,
Something would happen to take it away
Today, I’ve done my own share of travel
I’ve gone from coast to coast of the United States
I’ve gone to California to experience the laid back community
And really become a pro on my surfing slang
I’ve gone to New York City to see how magical the city can really be
But also how easily it can take your spirits away
Today, I’m living back at home
Like I said before, money doesn’t come easy
And I still want to get away, live somewhere else and travel
Put a distance between my family and me
My religion and me
My friends and me
My past and me
But no matter how hard I try to fight it
There really is nothing
Like being back home.

Heaven is a big empty room
yet full of imagination and memory.
In heaven, god is silence.
You sit in one lone chair, staring out at nothing
In this big and empty room
As you sit in silence on that lone chair
You close your eyes.
You are god in this big and empty room
In your mind you remember your life
The love, the hate
Your rights and your wrongs.
You not only remember your life,
But you live it again
Because you are God
In this big and empty room
Called Heaven

I don’t know how you do it
But somehow I always go back to you
I told myself you were the perfect fit
After a décor of broken love before

Sitting here all alone on this bar stool
I drink my pain away
I smile to myself as I lift my glass
And begin to say

Cheers darlin’,
Too you and you’re lover girl
I’ve got years to wait around for you
I lied when I said I was ok
I’m so shy
I should’ve kissed you
When we were alone

I don’t know her
I don’t know what she does for you
But I don’t like her
She stole you away from me
She loosened up the *****

I leave this bar, into the cold rain
I swear I can hear a wedding bell
When I feel like I can’t hold it in anymore
I curse the world, look up, and yell

Cheers darlin’,
Too you and you’re lover girl
I’ve got years to wait around for you
I lied when I said I was ok
I’m so shy
I should’ve kissed you
When we were alone

You act like you don’t know me
Now that she’s in your life
She made you look the other way
and forget all about me

Leave me be
Set me free

Cheers darlin’,
Too you and you’re lover girl
I’ve got years to wait around for you
I lied when I said I was ok
I’m so shy
I should’ve kissed you
When we were alone

I don’t know her
But I don’t like her
Cheers darlin’
I’ve got years to wait…

I was hunted
By the things I’ve done wrong
I was placed on the evil side of the moon’s face
I can not control my way
I can not control your way
 
I have seen my own darkness
And now, I am just the rare child
Everyone seems to forget

I am confused
I am broken
But I am not lost

I am boring
Following the same routine everyday
I know it's not forever
But I am not lost

I am living
Walking on a crazy road
Like Alice in Wonderland
But I am not lost

I am moving forward
Never stopping
I don't know where I'm heading
But I am not lost

I am alive
I am free
But I am not lost

I could use another cigarette
My mind is skipping like a broken cassette
I normally don't think this way
You know, thinking long about my day

Is it because i'm stuck in this cubicle?
Dreaming of my life as a musical
Or is this a joke, almost like a sign
Telling me to venture past the state line

See, I've never been adventurous
Never really done anything dangerous
Is this really going to be my life?
What if I never become a wife?

Maybe it's time for me to run
Actually do something really fun
Travel to the seven wonders of the world!
I wonder if then, my life will unfurl

I'll leave tomorrow
and stop wallowing in sorrow
Oh wait, tomorrow doesn't work
I still have my job as a clerk

Next month then, it is set
I'll start small, I'll get a pet
But that's going to be some bad debt
Man, I need another cigarette.

A simple Haiku
In this cubicle at work
Nothing else in sight.

Palugput Ka!
It's something I've learned just today
From my older sister
You know? The one sister I have
That gave up a year of her life to god
lived away in a foreign land
Learning the sounds and smells by her senses alone
But ended up coming home
Because her health and mind just became
Palugput

Puhlug-Put-Kaw
Means you're ridiculous
My job
My family
My friends
My life
is Rid-ik-yew-lus
means palugput ka

But, if we're going to be
completely and utterly honest right now
Palugput Ka

I am an old pair of shoes
I wonder about the open world
I see the journey ahead
I want to someday escape
I am an old pair of shoes

I pretend to stand strong even when I'm falling apart
I feel the mud and snow of the world breaking me down
I touch the earth and how it's my advantage
I worry that I will be thrown away and forgotten
I am an old pair of shoes

I understand when to run and when to stroll through life
I say to take an adventure and never look back
I dream to become one with the earth
I try and accomplish my goals
I hope to never stop moving
I am an old pair of shoes

Walking silently and still into the light
Leaving this world and it's cruel way of life
Knowing now, that everything is alright

Feeling a deep sense of fright
Yet, having confidence deep inside my heart
Walking silently and still into the light

Striving every day, I've finally won the fight
Winning against the world and its cruel way of life
Knowing now, that everything is alright

Moments ago, saying my final good-night
To the loved ones around me, helping me through this hard time
Walking silently and still into the light

Seeing everything now as simple as black and white
Pulling through the battle between good and evil
Knowing now, that everything is alright

Slowly but surely taking my final fight
Smiling wide for all to finally see
Walking silently and still into the light
Knowing now, that everything is alright.

Running in a marathon
Faster and Faster
With this open road
And a whole lot of speed
To be where I am

To fly in a race car
To race in a jet
All I need is this open world
To find where I will go

How fast will I go?
All I need is an open road
And a whole lot of speed
To see where I will go

Cheers to you
My dear brother
If there are more like you
You’d still be different from another

I’m sorry
My dear brother
I know I did betray
But please remember this
In my heart, you’ll forever stay

Why be normal?
Why must I follow the crowd?
I have never been formal
To be honest,
I’d rather sit on my cloud

But if you don’t accept me
And I cannot progress
I’ll take my own life
I’ll take the ultimate test

The house across the street is dark and empty.
It strikes a certain kind of fear into my heart
But I do not know why.
Possibly an old childhood nightmare;
Shaken’ from slumber, screaming for comfort
From the warm heart of my mother.
Or maybe it was an adventure,
The adventures we would go on together.
The fear of letting each other
Open the doors into our dark and empty hearts.
When I finally let you inside,
I let the lights brighten.
My home, my heart, lit so bright, you could see me shine.
Until that night,
The night you told me “no more”.
Letting the fire in the lamp burn low.
My heart became so dark and so empty
I could hear the echoing scream of my bruised soul.
Maybe, just maybe,
My dark and empty heart
Strikes a certain kind of fear into my soul
Now, I know why.

I still remember the last day I saw you
Laying in the hospital bed, close to the end
My dad grabs your hand and slowly says
“I remember the day you came into this world
Now I’ll always remember the day you left”
I tried to understand,
Wrap my young mind around the scene
My aunt told me to hold his hand,
His soul was now clean
I still don’t understand why God wanted you to leave
After the doctors cut off your life support that was helping you to breath
God had stolen your life away from us
Taken you to the highest points in the sky
So far up high,
I could reach but wouldn’t even try
The Sunday before my mom told me to fast
But I ignored the request
I figured it would pass
And it’s not that I didn’t want to,
It’s just I couldn’t deal with the thought of you dying
I guess that’s why at the service I couldn’t stop crying
But now, 5 years later, all I can do is write
This poem is my way to say to you,
I’m sorry I didn’t want to visit you.
I know I was young then but
For years that was no excuse
I hope you forgive me
Let me tighten up the screws
Of my board that was waving in the storm of your memory
You couldn’t hide your pain behind your smile
And I guess your laughter wasn’t the best kind of medicine after all
Michael Kenneth Zoellner passed away
October 11th, 2006
And since then I’ve felt nothing but bricks
If my words could bring you back I’d never stop writing
And if you were in the audience I’d never stop reciting
Until the room was left empty and my tears would start drying
And it was just you and me.
You lived your life off wild and recklessly
But always smiling
Though you left a thousand lives untouched
Your presence will always live on
Through us.