My eyes cloud,
The tears come.
I try to fend them off to no avail,
I knew they would be brought to the surface.
Everything is crashing in on me...
My faith has withered,
My sanctuary has collapsed,
I have lost control,
That wonderful, beautiful control that I strive for has disappeared into the depths of this new void,
I am on the brink of exploding,
Salvation of Damnation is all that I have left,
The outcome eludes me fore it no longer rests in these shaky hands that I must call my own.

The in between is where I lie,
No reality nor sanity shall I ever find,
Fore my angel has taken flight,
My God has taken away all forms of light,
And no longer can my fractured eyes decipher the truth from the lascivious lies.

You say, "Follow your heart."
But tell me, would you follow your enemy into the crossfire?
Would you trust your nemesis to carry you safely through the onslaught of hail?
I am awkward and unsure,
Afraid and alone.
You give me counsel,
But tell me, have you ever weathered the storm by your own advice?

He materializes in front of you
like a demon from Hell,
Sent to sweep your feet out from under you,
Rub your face in the dirt,
Spit in your murky eyes.
You welcome him with open arms,
Urge him to come to you,
Fore you can't see past his strong form and begging
eyes.

(1) As you drift in shades of blue...
Crying in the shower,
Popping pills,
Crying in the still of night,
Throwing back shots,
Crying when prying eyes turn away,
Lighting a bowl of dro.

(2) As you float through grey depths...
Everything is plain,
Everything takes tremendous effort,
Everything is hazy,
Nothing is spectacular,
Nothing bursts with flavor,
Nothing encourages you to breathe.

(3) As you dance in spurts of white...
Your heart hammers wickedly,
Your blood races violently,
Your whole body tremors with anticipation,
Uncalled for actions are executed,
Demon angels whisper in your ear,
Sweet lies and hallucinations become your truth.

You can get away,
You know how,
The first time was just that- the first time,
But after one comes two and three and four...
Each time better, more effective,
As the numbness penetrates your conscience,
You are allowed to leave
allowed to breathe
allowed to forget.

Those dull blue eyes- deprived of the sunlight that
once helped you shine,
Evoke tears and sleepless nights,
Tossing and turning,
A constant wishing and yearning...
To vanquish your demons,
To relinquish all traces of fear from...
Those dull blue eyes.