as I take another drag, the smoke fills my lungs.
as I close my eyes, your face floods my thoughts.
as I swipe the blade, my worries abandon my mind.
as the blood drips from my wrist, I take a breath of relief
as I think of you, my cheeks get damp with tears.
I write these words knowing you'll never see how unhappy I can truly be.

my train of thought has lost control
the tracks are way to worn down and old to handle my reckless driving.
Everywhere I turn your words are a road block and I have to keep stopping to get a hold of myself.
only bad memories haunt this route,
and there's much to many to even attempt to count.
I'm scared of what's going to be at the end of this trek but I'm hoping this ride stops at death.

I want so badly to slit my wrists,
to give you the chance to forget I even exist.
to put myself out of this misery and finally be alright
to take the blade to my wrists and let the Demond's win this fight.
to add to the scars and marks
to make you see that I'm stuck here In the dark
to wipe this smile off my face and replace it with the look of death that seems to fit right in place
over a hundred times I've slid the blade and kissed the worries goodbye
I've let the blood drip from my arms and the tears stream down my cheeks and I've also ****** it all up in front of you, just to make you feel like you're doing something right.
I wish you knew how much you hurt me, just by glancing at her.
you don't want me anymore and I know it's true. so let me take a few more pills, maybe a few drinks of *****, hang myself up from this rope because it's the only way I know how to cope.

there's something dripping on this paper. but this time it isn't tears.

There's something dripping on this paper, and it's proof that I'm still here.

there's something dripping on this paper, it's stained the colour red.

there's something dripping on this paper, and there's much more to be shed.

there's something dripping on this paper, and I can't seem to make it stop.  

there's something dripping on this paper, and I should probably call the cops.

there's something dropping on this paper, and it's not going to recede.

there's something dripping on this paper, and this is my final letter goodbye.

I love you so much darling, but it's my time to die.

I'll never understand how it's so easy for you to let me go, while I'm trying my hardest just to hold on.
I don't get how you can say you love me, then turn around and chip away at my soul
I'm clueless as to how you can lie right through your teeth, telling me I'm your one and only when there's so many others I'm beneath.
I have no idea how you allow me to feel like hell after every time you say goodbye.
you're lucky I love you because if it wasn't for your unsteady heartbeat, I'd make my wishes come true. and all my best wishes are for me to die.

blood pump through you veins,
only to spill from your wrist.
the cold air fill your lungs,
only to be pushed out again.
The water from your eyes,
only to dry again.
The words from your mouth,
only to be ignored by the one they're meant for.
The snow to fall,
only for it to get warm again.
The flowers to bloom,
only to die again.
your hopes go up for him,
only to be let down again