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McKenna Carrig Jul 2014
no matter how hard I try I can't rid you from my mind, it's like I'm falling out of place and I'm still expecting you to be here and make it all okay but you're not here and you never ******* will be so why can't I just stop being yours because you stopped being mine a long time ago and no matter how hard I pretend I'm not okay and I hate to say it but I still wait for the text that you still love me but that's never gonna ******* show up because you're long gone and I can't do anything to get you back but who says I want you back. because I don't. or at least I don't want to. I don't want to feel hopeless and used and dead anymore. you left me.
you promised me you'd love me until your last god ****** breath but then you went and ******* left.
to this day it makes me sick
how you could promise me forever and just leave so ******* quick. I hate myself for giving you my all because you weren't the guy I thought you were. you were just another boy who made me fall in love  and I swear to god you love seeing me all torn up. you love that I still think about you in the sweetest way and you absolutely thrive on the fact my pain isn't going away. it makes you happy to see I'm not moving on. when you're all over every girl you lay eyes on. I hope that maybe one day you'll stop hating me and realise that maybe I wasn't as bad as you thought and I really hope that you miss me eventually and stop with this ******* thought that I'm sleeping with everyone who's ever said hello and maybe you'll realise that I still don't want anyone else to take my innocence away an maybe you'll ******* realise how in love with you I actually was and you'll realise that you're really not okay but that day won't come because you're too proud and you hate me and I don't know why because I didn't do anything wrong. I loved you with every single fiber of my being and maybe that is wrong. it's wrong to give your everything to someone who lies about what they feel. you wouldn't know love if it was what you laced your poison with. I hate myself because I cant get over you. I hate that I can't stop falling for your smile or the way you laugh and I'm sick to my stomach because you're still taking over my thoughts and my choices and that's not okay. that's not okay at all and I ******* hate you. ******* for making me fall in love and give you what I was supposed to save for someone who I need to spend the rest if my life with but THAT WAS YOU, no not was, THATS STILL YOU. I STILL WANT YOU. I STILL WANT YOU TO KISS ME AND I WANT YOU TO TOUCH MY CHEEK AND KISS MY LIPS AND PRETEND YOU LOVE ME AGAIN BUT NO. YOURE GONE. YOURE ******* GONE. AND WRITING CANT EVEN BEGIN TO HELP ME THIS TIME. YOU CHANGED ME. YOU MADE ME INTO THE PERSON I PROMISED MYSELF I WOULD NEVER BE
McKenna Carrig Jun 2014
I see your eyes in the stars
your smile in the moon.
I see your face in the clouds
and my heart always with you.
McKenna Carrig Jun 2014
you've hurt me in ways unexplainable by words,
but you're still my sky my stars, you're my whole ******* world
I feel your fingertips glide along my blood stained hip while I ruin my complexion with yet another rip.
I'll never be good enough but I'll let you continue to **** me
i lay in bed and think about all the things that we could, but never will be.
McKenna Carrig Jun 2014
You tear me down with every word,
then ask why I'm bleeding because those words shouldn't hurt

I know I ****** up, I know I let you down. don't tell me I've ruined us and expect me not to drown.

I can't speak and I can vaguely remember how to breathe, I can't function the proper way because after everything I've done you're just bound to leave.

I've always hated myself but not it just keeps getting worse, the next time you see me I'll be arriving in a herse.

I don't want to be.
I want to get away from myself
but I don't know how to
without somehow hurting you.
McKenna Carrig Jun 2014
So many pencil sharpeners, all missing their blades.
So many possible was, but bleeding has become my escape.

I cut myself tonight.
5 new scars trail along my hip.
You're so lucky I'll be alive tomorrow
because if it were up to me the words I just spoke to you would be the last escaping my lips.

I'm sorry that this is how I think.
but with every word and action you throw my body forms a new line
filling up the tissue with a darker shade of pink.

One day I'll do it.
I'll take away all your pain.
I'll do it one day I promise you babe.
but that day won't be today
McKenna Carrig Jun 2014
you ruined me again. you really did it this time. I can't believe you'd hurt me like that, but I should've known it'd happen again.

I don't know how to fix this and maybe I never will. I could smoke a million cigarettes and it wouldn't matter because I'm yours to ****.
you're doing a good job so far, you know just what to say. I've been bleeding since day one but that's perfectly okay.

you tear my down just to build me back up and you said it was just what you needed. you needed to break me yet again just so you could fix it all up

but what if I'm too broken this time. what if my shattered heart can't be fixed be your fragile lies. there's no way you love me if it was worth kissing her to watch this all go by.

you had her in your room which is the place that we finally fell in love. we'd spend hours there just laying together and planning our future. but you had to ruin it by bringing her to the place you watched me come undone.

it was in your bed when you finally seen my cry. it was in your bed where we made love for the first time. it was in your bed where we slept and woke up in each othersĀ arms. it was where I finally gave you my broken heart.

now that place it haunted by her kiss. who knows what else happened because I know how hard of a time you have with your urges, most you can't resist.

I hope she made you happy even if it was just for a second. I hope she was worth hurting me because you'll never know even the half of this pain, your words and actions being the only weapon
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