2:00am I cannot fall alseep My lips are dry I've came once unsatisfying
3:27am I've had half a glass of vernors The rest is sitting next to my bed warm and flat I can't get comfortable I have too much room in this bed It makse me feel vulnerable
4:18am I went to the bathroom When I got there i didn't have to go anymore I went back to my room Only to have to go back again.
4:30am I can hear my mom coughing She hasn't been feeling well lately
4:37 am I can't stop thinking about how she cried today Or is it yesterday I guess the next day doesn't start until you sleep
4:39am I made her cry Im trying to remember what you said About it not being my fault I struggled with it
5:30am Another unsatisfying ****** Viewed some **** It wasn't what I needed I closed my eyes for awhile That was unsatisfying too
6:47am I try thinking about why you stay Or why you'd think I'd leave Why you claim to love my body claim to love all of me
7:15am I Sent you a silly text. You haven't replied yet I feel stupid
7:38am I logged into Facebook Updated information Looked though all your pictures You don't look how I remember you in these I don't like it We don't interact enough here Your ex is all over your page though I should log out
8:03am I hope you mean it when you say I'm better than the rest A better cook A better friend A better support system Better for you
One hundred sixty seven days until I am allowed to feel love
Until passion is in my vocabulary Until my skin may burn like a hot summers day But I know that the sun is not the source of the heatwave in the South where the love is a sweet and slow molasses.
For I hail from the North where the love is cold as each set of eyes and you think that if you cry enough the salt water may turn to ice.
Streams of salt water flow Heavy breathing heavy heart Shame me for that I don't know Steady beating Steady start when the red rivers run slow When I am pleading And the night is dark
I'm so lonely i could ***** There's no one to talk to Not for lack of trying No one understands me I wish I could sleep forever I'd rather risk the nightmares that come than the disappointment of having no one.
Scars last longer than *** does but the thick scabs of injury only remind me that I'm alive While *** is a torture Often a short lived peak in my existence A faint taste of what satisfaction May feel like if I were to Love myself the way I love you
If you had a feeling that something wasn't right like you were being abused, manipulated, and disrespected all behind your back by someone you love what would you do?
In my dream I broke a vase I tried to apologize but no one could here me Then i saw you I tried to explain It was mistake You looked me in the eyes "One mistake too many" That's when I realized The its not that the others couldn't see me Its that they couldnt stand me And they left me
In my dream I was 2 hours late to work When i showed up they all looked at me I told them there was an emergency I tried to call but it never went through They told me i was fired I when i called you I was in tears You said it was my fault You said that this needed to stop "the crying?" i sniffed And you said "us"
In my dreams I am left alone In my dreams i am a burden In my dreams I am afraid Even though When i am awake You swear i have nothing to fear
I love you Im sorry I know that I make things hard And that I often hurt you I question your love so often When you've given me no reason to I'm not going to give reasons or excuses for my behavior I will only apologize And hope that you'll still love me hereafter.