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Apr 2014 · 499
30 Second Euphoria
Maxine Rhue T Apr 2014
Scars last longer than *** does
but the thick scabs of injury
only remind me that I'm alive
While *** is a torture
Often a short lived peak in my existence
A faint taste of what satisfaction
May feel like if I were to
Love myself the way I love you
Jan 2014 · 641
Alone
Maxine Rhue T Jan 2014
I'm so lonely i could *****
There's no one to talk to
Not for lack of trying
No one understands me
I wish I could sleep forever
I'd rather risk the nightmares that come
than the disappointment of having no one.
Jan 2014 · 347
Untitled
Maxine Rhue T Jan 2014
I feel like im collapsing
I wish he would've killed me
Instead of leaving me behind
Without the spine  to **** myself
Dec 2013 · 489
Untitled
Maxine Rhue T Dec 2013
If you had a feeling that something wasn't right
like you were being
abused, manipulated, and disrespected
all behind your back
by someone you love
what would you do?
Dec 2013 · 373
mother
Maxine Rhue T Dec 2013
Sorry will never be enough will it?
My humanity will never be enough
of a  reason to forgive.
© Maxine Rhue T  2013
Dec 2013 · 494
Letter of Apology
Maxine Rhue T Dec 2013
I love you
Im sorry
I know that I make things hard
And that I often hurt you
I question your love so often
When you've given me no reason to
I'm not going to give reasons or excuses
for my behavior
I will only apologize
And hope that you'll still love me hereafter.
© Maxine Rhue T 2013
Dec 2013 · 333
Lies
Maxine Rhue T Dec 2013
I suppose it is just a matter of time
Time for you to leave me
Time  for your goodbye
Time to say you're sorry
Forever was a lie
© Maxine Rhue T  2013
Nov 2013 · 383
What's Leftover
Maxine Rhue T Nov 2013
You're tired of me
I don't blame you
With all of my bad days
It's hard to see any good left in me
© Maxine Rhue T  2013
Nov 2013 · 491
In My Dreams
Maxine Rhue T Nov 2013
In my dream
I broke a vase
I tried to apologize but no one could here me
Then i saw you
I tried to explain
It was mistake
You looked me in the eyes
"One mistake too many"
That's when I realized
The its not that the others couldn't see me
Its that they couldnt stand me
And they left me

In my dream
I was 2 hours late to work
When i showed up they all looked at me
I told them there was an emergency
I tried to call but it never went through
They told me i was fired
I when i called you
I was in tears
You said it was my fault
You said that this needed to stop
"the crying?" i sniffed
And you said "us"

In my dreams
I am left alone
In my dreams
i am a burden
In my dreams
I am afraid
Even though
When i am awake
You swear i have nothing to fear
© Maxine Rhue T  2013
Nov 2013 · 748
Self Inflicted
Maxine Rhue T Nov 2013
Streams of salt water flow
Heavy breathing
heavy heart
Shame me for that I don't know
Steady beating
Steady start
when the red rivers run slow
When I am pleading
And the night is dark
© Maxine Rhue T  2013
Nov 2013 · 558
Plan B
Maxine Rhue T Nov 2013
Plan A:
Take unnecessary risk
Don't cover your tracks
Or do any research

Act impulsively
Not precisely
Worry none
And move on

Plan B:
Stay home
Drown yourself
In a combination of
Anxiety, insomnia, tears, and Jack
© Maxine Rhue T  2013
Nov 2013 · 1.1k
2am
Maxine Rhue T Nov 2013
2am
2:00am
I cannot fall alseep
My lips are dry
I've came once
unsatisfying

3:27am
I've had half a glass of vernors
The rest is sitting next to my bed warm and flat
I can't get comfortable
I have too much room in this bed
It makse me feel vulnerable

4:18am
I went to the bathroom
When I got there i didn't have  to go anymore
I went back to my room
Only to have to go back again.

4:30am
I can hear my mom coughing
She hasn't been feeling  well lately

4:37 am
I can't stop thinking about how she cried today
Or is it yesterday
I guess the next day doesn't start until you sleep

4:39am
I made her cry
Im trying  to remember what you said
About it not being my fault
I struggled with it

5:30am
Another unsatisfying ******
Viewed some ****
It wasn't what I needed
I closed my eyes for awhile
That was unsatisfying too

6:47am
I try thinking about why you stay
Or why you'd think I'd leave
Why you claim to love my body
claim to love all of me

7:15am
I Sent you a silly text.
You haven't replied yet
I feel stupid

7:38am
I logged into Facebook
Updated information
Looked though all your pictures
You don't look how I remember you in these
I don't like it
We don't interact enough here
Your ex is all over your page though
I should log out

8:03am
I hope you mean it when you say I'm better than the rest
A better cook
A better friend
A better support system
Better for you
© Maxine Rhue T  2013
Oct 2013 · 1.2k
Burden
Maxine Rhue T Oct 2013
I'm a wreck
I'm a mess

I am oil spilled on the clearest waters
dark and unwanted
poisonous to those around me

I am sloppy in my emotions and rational in my actions because that is what is expected

I am well versed in suffering in silence
because my screams are to violent for you to bear
so I squirm instead

and though I feel like I should not have to choose between my overall health and being the person I'm  supposed to be

I make that choice every morning

Because I would rather die than be anymore of a burden than I already am.
© Maxine Rhue T  2013
Oct 2013 · 436
fire
Maxine Rhue T Oct 2013
We were once a blazing fire

quick and fierce with a burning  hunger
for all that we could consume

then we were nothing
but the glowing ashes of a cigarette
fading to black on the tar of  an unfamiliar parking lot
© Maxine Rhue T  2013
Oct 2013 · 521
want
Maxine Rhue T Oct 2013
I hunger for affection
skin to skin contact

I’m desperate for satisfaction
for sleep
and for truth

I’m praying for an idea
clear and crisp as the air of a december night
that can guide me to my destination

I am wasting time wishing
on stars
on  nothing at all
© Maxine Rhue T  2013
Sep 2013 · 811
Grin
Maxine Rhue T Sep 2013
You have this grin
And when it plays across your face
all I can remember is the way
your tongue glides across my skin

Its the same face you make
when you inhale the scent of my garden

When you start to taste
the nectar as if it were a fine wine

Making sure
that every sip
every lap
and every lick
is slower than
Molasses
making its way along the length
of the Mississippi River

You have this grin
And when it plays across your face
all I can remember is the way
your tongue glides across my skin

It is the gracious grin
that shows in the afterglow
of knowing what you do to me.
© Maxine Rhue T  2013
Sep 2013 · 607
Early Harvest
Maxine Rhue T Sep 2013
I was picked early
I wasn't ready
wasn't ripe

In no way was I prepared
to handle the lessons handed to me by a stranger

Not when his hands clawed at my insides
or my outsides

When he smothered my mouth
cutting off my screams
not for a moment
but for years

I was unprepared for his words
what came out of his mouth
taught lessons that should never be learned

When I was picked I wasn't ready

Now I suppose I never will be
© Maxine Rhue T  2013
Sep 2013 · 816
Countdown
Maxine Rhue T Sep 2013
One hundred sixty seven days until I am allowed to feel love

Until passion is in my vocabulary
Until my skin may burn like a hot summers day
But I know that the sun is not the source of the heatwave in the South
where the love is a sweet and slow molasses.

For I hail from the North
where the love is cold as each set of eyes
and you think that if you cry enough
the salt water may turn to ice.
© Maxine Rhue T  2013
Sep 2013 · 481
words
Maxine Rhue T Sep 2013
Your words
when repeated to myself

taste like sulphur
taste like fire and smoke

like ash
like dirt
like being deserted

Your words
when heard for the first time
sound like nails on a chalkboard

like a child banging on piano keys trying
to play a familiar melody but failing

Your words
remind me of a rule I once thought to be true until I grew a little older

Sticks and stones may break my bones
and all wounds from words eventually heal

but your words are different

Your words
fester

they infect

Your words rot over time leaving the kind of stench you can taste.

The result of your words

is the kind of suffering that not only leaves

an aching in my chest
but a stinging in my eyes
and a burning at the soles of my feet

telling me to run
but before I take off

you speak

Your words
taste like honey
feel like clouds

Your words
sound how love should  sound

Your words
stop as you lock the door.
© Maxine Rhue T  2013

— The End —