Fairy tales are how girls get to sleep
Girls who sleep sweetly next to siblings; best friends' pictures scattered about the room
their world is safe and full of love

But I have no prince, no siblings, no daily phone calls, no pictures, no best friends, no sweet dreams.
What does that leave me?

     I stop to give a homeless man a taco and to ask him about life, love, healing, karma.
Frosty says I should stop by again sometime.
I smile

     The teal green hat I bought in Japan makes me look silly;
I put it on, grin at the girl in the mirror and play with the fuzzy ***** attached to the ear strings.

     Today I look up from my tv series to watch Madeleine in her favorite Madeline shirt, chatting with her friend while casually dusting our food storage.

     The cute girl who swipes IDs manages an awkward conversation upon my every re-entry to the caf --
Perhaps I shouldn’t have asked her sexuality for no apparent reason, or pretended to ***** in the dish room.

     My mother once broke her nose doing a pushup

     Upward facing dog.

This’ll do.

Tonight we’re watching chick flicks
two people finding forever
while you and me are
******* like bunnies.

Tomorrow I will drive home
and get drunk with a boy who wants to be
mine.
Tomorrow you’ll call your girlfriend
and make plans to share
dinner.

Tonight I ask you to be there for me
forever.
me – a girl who does not believe in forever
you – a boy who does
you answer, “I’ll try.”

but Tonight you’ve *** too much to stay awake
and Tomorrow we’ll be too busy to talk.

you are the only man I love
the only person I will let see me cry
the only person I say “forever” to

asleep.

I was there,
in your shoes
walking over dirt
and picking out our favorite tree

life is hard but most days are worth living
today was not one of those days
tomorrow won’t be either

we held sturdy rope in our hands
the kind that’s permanent
the kind of knot that holds

sometimes you gotta admit defeat
some things will never be done
some days it’s just better to quit

friends and family will be upset,
but aren’t you supposed to live for yourself
shouldn’t dying be the same way?

we climbed our favorite tree
looked out over nature’s beauty
breathed clean smokeless air

you jumped
I stayed.

They say before you judge a man
you must walk a mile in his shoes
I was only there when you fell.

I tell her
about my first time smoking *** in a stranger’s rundown apartment, somewhere between Paris and Amsterdam
about growing up in the Whiskey Flats next to strip clubs, gun shops, liquor stores, and lots of cows
about swimming naked in the south of France, speaking to strangers in a tongue with which I was not familiar.
about using a Japanese toilet; drunk at a karaoke bar
about getting my hair cut by random French men in random French hostels

I tell her my experiences,
but I cannot remember the giggles of intoxication,
the smell of the cows, the chill of the water,
or the words that fell from my lips.

She may envy my life,
but I envy the way she lives

So tell me, Emily
how you smile in the morning and say words like “sunshine”
tell me what the salt water tasted like on a beach in South Africa
tell me about the beauty of forgiveness, the bitterness of your tears, the curls in your hair, the music in your soul
tell me about love
tell me what it’s like to live.