You say you know me yet you’ve only ever seen my smile
And not the letters I’ve been sending my skin for a while.
The hieroglyphs I carved to let out the screams I’ve been hearing
Like fogs clearing out and about to filter the words I’ve been saying.
You’ve heard my laughter going softer as the days turn to an endless night
As I recite these verses repeating curses killing the lights ‘til I’m out of sight.
You don’t know me, you never wanted to.
You had a clue but what could you do? Even I never wanted to know me too.
I’m a kitchen sink clogged and overflowed by my own tears leaking.
Feeling hopeless and dying as I let some more spill out through bleeding.
Overflown with emotions, I motion it with caution slowly across my skin,
Overthrown by this notion, this knife giving life to the Me I’ve held within.
Inside the four corners of my room my locked door seems too out of reach
As I give my wrists red ink on each to write in light what I truly beseech.
You know this, I know you noticed. You just wish you didn’t.
And I wished I hadn’t let you but I wished for what I couldn’t.
I’m alive and I just wish I wasn’t.
You know me better than anyone but you choose to look past through.
Now I’m rebuilding these walls taller and stronger just for you.
My sleeves covering up my screams as it seems to keep them back in their den.
I couldn’t stand knowingly showing you my insanity. I don’t ever want to hurt you again.
I’m sorry.
I apologize for causing you pain.