1)
A simple gesture of happiness.

2)
A substance more fake than plastic.

3)
A reason why love is so abundant.

4)
A reason why people believe.
A force stronger than any words.
A swift move into a land to drift off and watch as glistening teeth and a perfect smile pull you into a breeze past reality.

5)
I wish I could always see your smile.

Smiles.

Goodnight.
Sleep well.
I love you so much.
See you in the morning.

The house quiet and dark.
We break from our hug and walk to our rooms quietly.
The only sounds are my footsteps and the news going in Dads room.
Just another night.

Earlier that day,
I saw you cry.
I saw your upper lip shake like the ground when mountains fall over.
I saw tears rush down your face and into riverbeds and onto your lap.
I watch you turn the other way so I don’t see you as weak.

The man I have known to be the heatless ******* is the person who needs heart the most.
He needs my heart.
His daughters heart.
His girlfriends heart.
His heart is an endless pit of pain and guilt
but he keeps a firm smile on his face.

He breaks down like the rest of us.
He gets depressed too.
Hell, with what he is going through I don’t know what I would do.

But this man goes to bed every night hoping to see his daughters beautiful face
Hear his sons voice over the acoustic guitar
and the ******* chickadee’s waking him up at 6:30 every morning.

He goes to bed in tears.
Worried,
His daughter’s depression has gotten worse.
His son feels.. abandoned.
His girlfriend overwhelmed.

His heart is black from the ashes of bombs being dropped on him almost every day.
His hands red from slapping destiny in the face and taking his own road in life.
His wedding ring that he still wears because he knows how much it means.

His son,
Worries constantly about him.
He worries that for once more his happiness will be stripped from him like white paint on an old wall.
Painted over and over and stripped only to get a new coat of paint.
The walls are getting tired of this ******* and just want to be left alone.

He worries that one day he won’t be the same.
He worries that sickness will drive him over the wall and into a land he doesn’t want to see.
His father is a strong man.
But he sees the worst things that could happen.
He is breaking down.

Father goes to bed but stays awake throughout the night
Hoping that she hasn’t left him.
Hoping that she isn’t sick.
Hoping that his son is happier than ever.
Happy that he gets to see his daughter.

Truth is,
His son idolizes his father.
He is a true hero.
A decorated veteran in the war called life
and his battle wounds are crippling.
But ****** his feet still work and he can still walk.
He has the biggest heart imaginable,
his son worries about his father.

Goodnight.
Sleep well.
I love you so much.
See you in the morning.

I see blue sky.
I see the most perfect clouds.
I see birds chirping
I glance towards your eyes again to get another glimpse of the heavens but you’ve already walked away.

Your hair swaying as you walk like trees in a windstorm. My breath pushing them since you took my breath when you took away my loveless mind and replaced my breath with jealousy and temptation to talk to you when I don’t have the ***** to say hello.

Your smile brings tears to the glass eyes you had me get from the first time I sacrificed my sight to lay my eyes on you. Your mind like lava, burning everything in its path but slows down just enough to let you slip past without harm but wrecks everything else you care about.

Your perfume brings scent to my nostrils that I never want to forget. I can’t even describe it but I know that it’s you whenever I can smell it.  

Your laugh is enough to bring Zeus down from the heavens just to witness how cute you are. You hate your laugh, you really do. But when I hear your laugh I can’t help but smile because even your flaws are perfect and draw me back.

I see the ocean.
I see the white caps splashing down over my mind and pulling me through the tide.
Not a life guard in sight but I know there is hope somewhere in your eyes.

I don’t think you’re real but you’re too tan to be a roman statue.
Your heartbeat would shatter the marble instantly,
But could cut diamonds with a single beat.

I gain my breath back as you lie down to sleep.
I gain my conscience back when you close your eyes.
I listen for the ocean I see whenever I see your eyes
But all I hear is the silence of my heart beating to see you again.

Burning of eyes as I just awoke
My room pitch black
The warmth of my bed makes me want to stay forever
But excitement boils over my five year old mind
as I remember it is Christmas morning

My feet turn to ice as I stick them out of the blanket
The floor making them stick.
I lift up my feet and gallop to my sisters room.
Boom, boom, boom,
My heels make contact with the hardwood floor

I grab the golden **** to my sisters room
I push quietly but fast
The door makes a slight squeak
I sprint to her bedside.
“WAKE UP CAMILLE IT’S CHRISTMAS!” I yell in the middle of her room.
At that point, I didn’t care about waking my parents up.

She sits right up with a smile on her face
And flings the blankets beside her legs as she puts her feet to the ground.
We race down the hallway
Dogs nails tapping on the floor as they follow us to the living room
The big, dusty, gross purple couch is the barrier between
me and the present I have been dreaming about for this entire year,
A new bike.
I run around the couch to see the chrome shining in the moonlight
The tires casting a shadow over the small area rug.
Stockings on the back of the big leather chair,
which instantly drew our attention.

We tear open the stockings and compare the new trinkets we got.
Cardboard, tin wrapping, and chocolate wrappers flying everywhere.
We were smiling so much I swear we could hear them.

Parents come out to see us grinning beside the heater as we tear apart our favorite toy for the day.
We gather around the living room like it was superbowl sunday and the tree is our
flatscreen.
The blue and silver and red and green collage of corny wrapping paper,
the giant boxes wrapped tightly and perfectly.

Dad is beside the tree, deciding which present we can open, and lightly tossing it to us.
We catch is as carefully as we could, set it on our laps and wait for our turn to unwrap.

As thank you’s are thrown around like baseballs at a little league practice
I patiently glance at my mom, and get the nod that I can unwrap.
This square box is staring eye to eye with me and I get the jitters as I unwrap it.
The red paper finally off, I open the box with ease.

What I found was the coolest thing ever, thats all I remember.

But now, that box is filled with my happiness.
My memories.
Never has an empty box held so much.
It has the family dinners,
The camp outs and bon fires.
The laughs that come from the belly while playing games around the table.
The piano lessons for hours
And those coloring books that were more sacred than the bible.

But for now, the box is closed for the time being.
Sitting upon a shelf in my closet, waiting for the right time to be opened again.

The greatest gift I have ever received is the memories of home.
What home is to me is all inside that box.

Dads cooking on the table,
Moms questions about our day at school,
Camille talking about her math homework.

Now it’s just two lonely guys sitting at a table
discussing how ****** the economy is,
girls,
that one time when he tried to give me “the talk”
But he doesn’t need to, I go to public school after all.

What I am trying to say is, I miss those family dinners more than anything.
I miss the nights we would spend outside gazing at the stars
Pointing out the constellations in the sky and making up our own.

I look for those constellations all the time.
I once found a rose, and I named it Camille.
Dad never knew why I named it that, since shes my sister.
I named the constellation of the rose Camille because
Well, she has the rosy cheeks and the lovely smile.
But she sure as hell has her thorns.

A family dinner now is three people instead of four,
I say bedroom with a plural,

But this family, although gone through hell and back,
We live together in between different walls, roads, and doors.
But most of all, we live behind our present, and live in the past.

I want to end this by saying, Christmas brings new memories and my favorite time of the year,
because then my family exists.
I started to open presents slower and slower,
and hugging tighter and tighter.
And loving more and more.
I love you, Mom, Dad, Camille.
I really do, even when you think I don’t,
I love you guys, and I always will.

The stars are our secret admirers until the sun disappears below the horizon. The moon glows brightly, mocking me because the sun is no longer protecting me. As the moon laughs down, and crickets compose the songs of the night, the stars watch from above making sure that nothing will happen to me. I peer outside my window beside my bed into the open field, I see the grass swaying back and forth as if they were slowly dancing to the ballet of the sweet summer nights. The trees creating a darker dark then when your eyes are shut tight to hide from the monsters inside your mind. Once again the sun peeks its way up above the skyline and provides another dismal day, with the stars silently watching from above, but I know that they speak louder words than anyone.

Rain drops fall, only because the clouds are crying. As the stars comfort the clouds from high above, the sun shines bright once more, ceasing the rain and creating life. I watch on as the soil goes from the deepest brown to a light color as the water flows to the underworld to quench the thirst of the demons.  Underneath my feet, the grass clings  to the ground for dear life as wind takes a stroll through the valley. Sun sets, stars rise, Moon shines and depression awakens from the rest he had during the day.

In the silence of my room, the door closed and the lights off, with just enough light to see outlines of the darkened walls, I see the shadows of my happiness disappear into the closet for another time. I struggle to lean forward and grasp it, but I cannot move. I am tied down, with hands upon my shoulders like depression has all of its strength against me to keep me in the warmth of my bed, saying it would be for the best.

Through the night, all I heard was a voice saying that I have gotten what I deserved, Over an over again that rang through my skull and bounced back through my ears so I was forced to hear it over and over again. I close my eyes tighter and tighter to escape what I am hearing, but my body consumes my thoughts and my eyes spring open. Tears form and roll down my cheeks. I don’t bother to wipe them, I just lie there and realize that they have won. The tears have conquered my will power and I am weakened. I pray for the daylight to come, and force my eyes to close and fall into a sleep that will be cut short by the rise of the sun and the bedtime of the devil.
I glance towards the sun, the bluebird sky shows hope for me to fly away someday into freedom. I look towards the closet and motion for my happiness to come out for a little bit, at least enough for me to get through today. I put on fresh pants, and a nicely washed shirt, comb my hair and smile into the mirror. I am smiling but all I see are are 32 white lies and lips spread open. I walk outside and the sun becomes dimmer, as if he is mad I gave half the day to last night. I take a step onto the lawn and lie down, and watch the sky hoping to see the stars so I can thank them for bringing today to me.

We have to pull together.
Why is every word that comes out of anyones mouth start a war?
A war against words and our guns are our very own tongues.
Artillery is just another word for vocabulary.

If we keep acting the way we are
Earth is no longer a community.
It’s soon to be a rock floating in the middle of space
With a bunch of ****** human beings
Fighting over the most worthless things.

Its like, a fly on a lake.
It still has a pulse but it cant fricking move.
It still spins but it doesn’t fricking think.
It still makes ripples, but does it affect the current?

It’s like the Joker had a bad day and managed to end up at a sad clown convention.

We meant something at one point, but then just joined along.
Earth will live on forever,
and so will humans.
But will human kind stay?

Its just another pine tree in a logging operation.
Soon enough we will be consumed by products and machines
and we will amount to nothing.

We will be consumed by the the sharp teeth of the saws
and eaten alive limb by limb
by the community that is our own people
and don’t try to tell me that “its not that bad”
Because it is.
We tell a white lie to live past the darkness hoping it would spread a little bit of light.

We have to collaborate. Humans and giants have to get along because who else would we turn to when the light bulbs keep burning out and the ceilings get higher and higher

Humans are made to be the same.
Thats why there is a plural at the end.
Because we are all humans and not animals like we have been acting.
Grow a pair of nuts and confront your problems and not just ***** and moan about it and literally start a war of the words.

I once asked my little 4 year old cousin,
“What do you want to be when you are older?”
Astronaut, he says.
“Because I want to shoot for the stars.”

If you think about it,
A 4 year old has more of a grasp on life than most of the people around.
To think that 4 year old kids are optimistic because they don’t know how to be pessimistic.

I still can’t believe that one day,
this innocent little boy
will realize the true hell that is reality.

One day we we outside in his yard playing with his tonka trucks.
And the whole time he was saying that he wants to grow up
and use actual trucks.
Drive the big bow dump trucks.

I agreed with him, saying I do too.
But I was thinking to myself,
that I shouldn’t quite tell him to cherish his little years yet.
Let it sink in for a little bit.
His little four year old mind
will soon enough be corrupted by society and judgments.

Some day, he will see how growing up feels.
Having to deal with the prejudice and how mean people are.
Like, back off this is how I  live my life.
Not me living your life,
I don’t live to please you.

My life is not your business.
What are you to think something about me when you don’t know the half of it?
If you had a single grasp on how things go,
you would realize judgements are for criminals and their sentences
and not me and how I speak my sentences.

Dear Luke,
I wish that someday things will change.
Dear Luke,
Never change who you are, no matter who tells you.
Dear Luke.