Have you ever felt
So morose that your chest aches
Numbness all over your soul
A big hole, where there should be
The heart

Emptiness, the sickening feeling
You feel so
You don’t seem to matter
You are nothing to anyone
Nothing

Your Life means nothing
Your existence means nothing
You are invisible
Why bother

All you want to do is to lie in bed
Perhaps, sleep for a while
Better, sleep for a very long time
Possibly, and, never wake up

Do you feel like that?
Cause it’s how I always feel.

A dark angel
Wings ashen in dust
Ragged clothes and
Ruffled hair
Broken shoes
Floating above
Plains of mud
Mascara dripping
Forlorn eyes

Blood
On the white dress
Fallen from grace
Heart ripped out
A dark angel
Screaming to the sky
The devil responded
For god wasn't there

A fallen angel
Beautiful she must have been

Much like life's choices
Options you are given
The red or the blue pill
Perhaps, Heart or Skin?

The skin
Nothing but a beautiful wrapper
Designing and contouring a gift
Sometimes it appears priceless

The heart
Though beauty plays the eyes
A beautiful heart overrides
You will grow old with the soul

Most choose the skin
Even lesser adores the heart
Skin and heart
The meanings of both
Value of each, you decide

I dedicate my life trying
To write my thoughts into letters
Forever attempting to
Make those words fathomable to you

Your silence as crashing waves
All that you do not say
In you, I've finally found
Words to write, thoughts to think

Why do you say you're tragic
If anyone took the time
They'd see you as beautiful
As the sky and stars above

Your eyes are quite something
They say so much and yet a lot hidden
Beneath those smiles of laughter and love
What pain and regrets do they conceal?

I want to know it all.

Speak to the stars
To the upper echelons of the world
They said; behind your stick of tar
It's better that you marvel

Do you ever see your eyes change color?
A little extra light
A difference ever so subtle.
Maybe it's your soul?
Fighting to be seen
Yearning to be known

The haze I see grows around your face,
Like a halo of slight
debauchery framing chestnut eyes.
Take this moment and let it fly
We're going to take it far

Speak to the stars, they said
May you capture your dreamscape

Moon dust in your lungs
Stars in your eyes
You are a child of the cosmos
A ruler of the skies

Nebulas and constellations, created
With the sparks between us
If your eyes can't catch the vastness
Look up to the sky and ponder

As infinite as it is
My love will always
Be more.

Dare I write a poem, claiming God doesn’t exist?
I admit sometimes that faith is missed. 
Sometimes I lie awake, ponder the past,
Wonder why my belief didn’t last.

Then I remember what I was forced to see,
The memories of abuse that still bleed.
I remember my polluted childhood,
How it bore very little good.

I think of cancer in children, and natural disasters,
Supposedly the plans of a loving master.
I think of ****, ******, and child abuse,
Suicidal kids hanging from nooses.

Science motivates my disbelief to a certain extent,
But other than that, I refuse to be content.
I can’t follow a “loving creator” who fails to care,
A “loving creator” who is never there.

On rainy days like this
I feel depressed looking out
Ever so lonely, never at ease
Wonder why I have so much doubts

I look at the joyful friends
Facebook, are they really friends?
Here I am, angry and sad
Why am I not happy, am I mad?

I am cursed, an inquisitive brain
Ideals, liberal and never accepting
I fail in beliefs, of angels of gods
Who have brought me so much pain

Am I alone this way?
Not knowing what is true
Should I bite my pride, hear them say?
Then I'll be happy, under the sky of gray

All I want is a soul mate
A paradox it is for there are no souls
Everyday I look at the moving dates
Alone I am, looking out at my gates

Go spiritual healing they say
Them? Of thieves and crooks
Stealing people's brain waves
Placebo, giving what we crave

As I ponder, perhaps I should smile
For I can see people through from a mile
I should be satisfied to be concious
From a chance, a billion combinations

From the cosmos, I am alive
An accident, a beautiful miracle
For the stars and constellations
I look upon you, full of marvel

When I gaze upon your eyes
And you staring back at mine
I don't just want to see your soul
I want to see the galaxies they hide

And for these rare fleeting moments
There are no unworthy thoughts
But rather of the cosmos
The much fabled stars
Your eyes have caught

I dreamt you have swallowed the night
On demand, to take my breath away
The vast space of the universe
That, is the best to explain my feelings
Endless and towards the unknown

Depths of space, for the naked eyes
But your eyes, they provide this view
That's me, what do you see when
You ponder into mine?

Being silent
Against adversity
From the small minds
That chatter about
Nothing but your character
The elephant in the room
Left unseen
Rather nitpick on how
The ant across the river
Goes about its routine
High fives for the small
Minded individuals that gather

Being silent
There's nothing wrong
With being quiet
It's an art which
Many have yet to master

Let me be your secret
In the darkness of the sky
In eerie silence
Bringing you hope
In your darkest hours

Let me be your secret
This beautiful but slippery thing
The much fabled happiness
Ethereal whiff of possibilities
A kiss that lingers all day

Let me be your secret
As you wander, guided by your lost soul
Spilling ink from the heart
When there's teardrops
Those clear liquid rolling down your cheeks

Let me be your secret
Relinquish your fears, stay for a while
All your tears, I shall dry
Only smiles we shall seek
As my soul takes a plunge

You are my secret
For your smile gives the stars their glimmer

Meraki, I mutter as we gaze
The constellations upon the heavens
Of life, has it been a waste?
To the Gods, of the sailing seven

The soul, creativity
Love placed into something
The essence of yourself
Placed into your eyes

Right now though
Hiraeth takes over
The undeniably sick feeling
Of lonesomeness and one

Deep, wistful longing
Nostalgic sense of longing
A place of hope no longer
Perhaps never was

Your voice...
The rustling, akin a longing soul
Imagine it harmonized in melody
Imagine it whispered to the wind
Fulfilling the emptiness in my heart

Your smile...
Piercing and carassing my heart
Imagine it brushed into a painting
Imagine it sculpted into art
Forever accompanying my dreams

No words succinct enough
No touches carasses enough
To describe the beauty of you
Your words will be immortalized in poems
Your promises spoken in eulogies
My couplets' scratchboard
My poetry...

Forever I will carve your smile
Forever I will paint your laughter
A perfect arrangement of the rainbow
Decorating the windows
To my eyes, to my soul

To dream a dream
That is hard to forget
In the mist of clouds
It disappears like a sunset
Ebbing away with clarity
Reverting in my desperate mind
Like it’s a mere charity

Oh the beautiful dreams aren’t true
Knowing them is better than having no clue
The subconscience is an inconspicuous beauty
Like the roots of the tree
Entangled and buried beneath
Its beauty is hidden
Its thoughts forgotten

To dream a dream
Is finding your love
Then losing it soon
It’s the inward eye’s beauty
So beautiful, so resplendent, 
When you wake up, you soon swoon

For all the time we are
Obvious you are, the same
Oblivious to the truth
The lies, the honeypot, flows freely

My love, this is goodbye
May life pleases me, ergo
Come I will, back, for you
If only to inflict pain on you
For I want you to feel the same

On my deathbed, when aging is done
I will want to chuckle, reminiscence of
Perfection brought forth
Happiness turning into a nightmare

Nature is beauty
Beauty is nature
We are engineers
But who engineered us?

As we scan our universe
From the tiny flower to the awe inspiring galaxy
We see the finger print of a creator...
The finger print of intelligence

The universe consists entirely of waves of motion
Which spring from stillness and return to stillness

Nature is designed according to a sequence
This sequence appears to be
The trademark of a designer
Something lift behind
Indicating the one who was there...
A fingerprint...

#anahera

Hikikomori
Innate feel of the inward pull
Being confined, by choice
Withdrawn from society

I like to be alone
They say it is too much
Try to feel, try to touch
I rather my desk, hunch subliminally

In my room, fawning
What do I play, but then
Nothing better in my life
Then killing time away

Is this insanity?
I rather think insanity for thoughts
Of living life as a game
Border from the untamed I shall

Ruffled hair, bloodshot eyes
Probably nose dripping of snots
Pondering of an exciting life
But dreams, shot down as they fly

It griefs me locking away
On paradise of the world
I dare not leap, for I don't understand
Towards the light

From the doorways seep.

With a heavy heart, I walk away
But, is there really any other choice?
For the last time, I mutter
May the sun shine bright for you, always.

For me, worry not
Trust the stars to lead the way
I'm headed to a place in my head
Walking away, do not stop me

Reminiscence as I wander away
The words of your last
That griefs and kills me
Like a knife twisting the heart

So, farewell love
So, farewell dear
I'm walking away
A broken hearted fool

If you see raindrops on your window
That is but my tears dropping down the cheeks
If you feel the breeze caressing your face
That's my heart whispering your name

For, our path, no longer the same

An inspiration I thought you would be
I imagined writing for you
In my day light and dreams
You reciprocate in the beginning
When you have troubles
In your life, problems need leaving

Being tragic, you said you are
I have written a lot of poems
To console and called you my star
Now as you have met friends
From different places, giving you advices
Me, forgotten, as usual, in the end

Not that I do this for love
Not that I do this for affection
All I needed was your everlasting
Thoughts and attention
I've gone down so deep below
In your priorities and life

Thank you for your time
It was heartwarming
While it last.

Sunlight varnishes magnolia branches crimson
The pastel colored blue above our heads
Perfect worldly green gardens lay lovers
Smiling beings pleasantly at the Gates
This is not your place, the angel said

Wake up!

I suddenly opened my eyes
In this pitch black darkness
It's too late to hope
It's too late to pray
With a soul like mine

The night, dark, filled with silence
Dreamy eyes fixated to the stars
Does it not lead to the doors of heaven?
Stillness soothing turmoiled hearts

Has gloom diminished the love?
Churning to uncover the illusions
As if upon multitude of lights, colors
Making lovers loom away from ideals
Sound of crickets whining away
As agitated due to careless evocation
Raindrops fall in mourning
Sorrying the ground in wetness

Anxiety as time passes by, hearing
Melodious splashing of the rain
Gentle caressing of the blowing wind
The evocative hearts arouse in numbers

Beautiful flaura danced shimmy
Waving gently as if to invite
Leave your grief for love
Sing a song of longliness

For tomorrow will be bright
Happiness you will see
For your smile brings me life

I’m tired I told myself
In which sense, I wonder
Physically?
Mentally?
God forbid, emotionally?

A man is not very tired
He is exhausted, very is a lazy term
A man is tired from dreaming
But a man is never tired of dreaming

It takes a lifetime to tire
And no time at all
“So what do you want?” I ponder
“A moment of peace and quiet” I snapped

“From what” the brain argues<br>
“From this mess which is life” the heart explains

Sunday.
Hellenistic Astrology, first day of the week
Golden clasp that binds the volume of the week

These days.
The day I planned a lot but actually do nothing
Happiness is now a hot bath on a Sunday afternoon

For you, my dear.
“Oh dear sunday, let her sleep in your arms!
May she awaken to a newly found bright and beautiful smile”

We ride to our life destination
Roads we shall pass
There are ones we will stop
Pondering towards desolent graveyards

Graves with headstones of our love
The ones who had stayed for a moment
Sometimes for years, sometimes a lifetime
Graves to prove affections of no longer

We had imagined ourselves invincible
Letting go of facts upon pacts
This is where we had promised
"We will get through this!"
Never once, allowed for the heartbreaks

Now as you ponder
The love residing in memories
Memories. That's what is left.
As you continue onwards
The Journey. Perhaps we shall rest.

One day. We all will. Reach our destination.

The eyes, what is it?
Each but a pair of globular organs of sights
In our skulls, projecting visions to your mind
Putting colors to colors and shapes to shapes

A interpreter to the soul
Unconscious but always faithful
Helping to speak, when words not suffice
Nothing need be said, when you have eyes

As far as the eye can see
Is it true? Is that the limit?
Or is that when you close your eyes
You can see as far as your mind wanders

The question of, then
Dreams and Reality
Open your eyes for Reality
Eyes wide shut for your Dreams

The mind wanders at night
These are the thoughts
The ones that beg to come out
But we hold back

Why hold back?
Let your thoughts go free
But don't you know the mind trembles?
Not knowing what will come

Empty shells
That's what we have become
Thoughts empty bouncing
Around and inside of us

That's what the night does. You think?

Tell, what is night then?
Darkness comes before the sun
Chasing away your fears, they subside
As the moon and stars appears

These fearful thoughts
Close your eyes, silence them
Heartbeat and of breath ye shall hear
Emptiness, remind thyself, you are not

Stars, there are none
To shine the heckled heart
I stand as if paralyzed
But I will remain, steadfast for
I am oneself
Your life groove is not for me

Reach out to your mind and thoughts
Clear difference there is between us
Two hearts unlikely to be one
Am I, to you, a figurine
For you to keep toying with?

A toy strung by you, no
I'm human with heart and emotions
Have you ever wondered?
For which, enough of it all

My wall has been broken
Patience no longer existing
Entertaining your games, darling

Elastic heart strings
You and me
We are no longer adjoined
Let us go, differing directions

This is the end
No more love
Only the stars

Waiting.
That's a human thing to do
Patience; That's power
Not an absence of action
But waiting, for the right time

For a while.
Length cannot be measured
By the person who's waiting
Absolutely normal

Too.
For the person who waits and waits
Wait for something to happen
When it happens, he feels sad

We wait then we never live
Perhaps.
That is the expectation
Of Life.

Sleep did not come easy
For you, I allowed it to be
Too much chasers for me to keep
I rather you start your beautiful dream

You think this will be short lived
But short lives we live for
For the moment, I need to treasure
Surely, it's worth living for?

Now I am finally done
Thinking briefly of the day has past
How was it? Your day?
You, the girl who has no name

I'll leave you with your smiles
This written quickly with you in mind

Lights. Dark outside. Pretty night.
Light unveils the prettiest sights
The darkness covers tonight.
I see it in the morning.
Tangled up like two sides
Of my shadow near the shade.
You made me realize
I can't have the sky,
But I can have something pretty close
When I look into your eyes.

See from a far
Reunited under the stars
Sharing our own stories
Twisted with different memories

The feeling of ecstasy
With each others company
It feels good
To have this mood

The sun will soon rise
Together with our mind so wise
But one thing is for sure, we'll be friends
In a day that never ends

Pen to paper, under the stars I write
Let the skies be the witness
For the closing twilight window
Cheers to broken dreams

The mind has been battered; routed
Feelings? No, cold as stone, the heart
What do I seek? Nothing
But to get this out of the way

It's amazing when I thought of God for this, when I am a true non believer. But I suppose that's why 'God' exists in people's life, to make you feel hope. But hope, as always, is a dangerous thing, makes a man go insane.

As you stand at the brink of your new life. I wish you everlasting happiness. I have nothing but envy for you. Your wishes will come true. Let it be a beautiful. I can almost visualise.

May your Lord guide the way. Otherwise, the stars will. With love and lasting thoughts.