matt r

matt r Jun 18

,  or perfect the word 'love'. I
have run my fingers through Her
   hair and only called it soft.

there is no bottled lightning
   or thunderous applause.
She deserves a wave, wonder;
   it all and even more.

this is probably the last poem i'm writing about You.

matt r Jun 18

I let Myself in love with You

& keyed it into Me. I let
the window's air in through;
a hot&breathy breeze.

I let Myself try on love's coat
to feel her systole. I let
the beat go through its arc,
touch electricity.

I let Myself get sick of love,
pyretic, come to be. I let
Myself to feel its warmth,
and now I feel its heat.

I let I let I let but not
ever in control. I let
myself in love with You,
and You have let Me go.

i don't want to write the word love anymore.

matt r Jun 17

what it might be is not love

,a friend told me. she was
in love once, & since felt
the knife slide right through
her. so love is just a stomach
ache, then. love is the uneat
-ing unsleeping thing inside.
love is magic, it is so much
like pixie dust; try & hold it

,i told her. feel its ridges
& folded edges. feel its
amorphous underbelly & tell
it that it doesn't hurt like
you. tell me you see purple
in a deeper hue, and that
blanket weight on your collar
bones is heavier than mine.

i'd love for it to be not love.
i'd love to have an hour of
eating & sleeping where i am
not imagining sharing it with
You. do You think of me, too?
what it might be is not love,
what it might be is a stomach
ache, what it might be is over

soon, what it might be is never.

matt r Jun 13

i finally saw two magpies

i finally saw two magpies
for the first time
                   since february
(they were resting on
                         a signpost
then, it was valentine's day)

i wrote 'happy valentine's j x'
     & imagined you florid
(it was calflove&sweet
       & it only grew stronger)

letters, dried flowers, poems
          i wrote for You
(We were kizmit,to be,
           i always wanted You)

i gave You everything i had
   ,all but kissing sense,
(i wish i did, your lips
    were all love ever meant)

i finally saw two magpies
  You have a love, i don't,
but i have finally seen joy
        & You will see me float

matt r Jun 13

radio heart

yesterday My pin fell off,
        'radio heart'
it said,so yellow&bubbly.

I said it was a sign, I said
  My universe
is spinning me out&out into

a waltz & I cannot keep up.
     the music,
it's all a little too loud

& You move a little too fast,
             My dear.
You move a little too swift

& collapse into a twirling
     eidolon, falling
right through My fingers.

more on amor fati, kinda. the other side of the coin.

matt r Jun 12

amor fati

(this love of fate is true)

You, My chimera, were
          so woven into
      this rippling fabric
,I am       a man
                            in love

& fate, She is more
than haute couture; She
   is a pair of jeans worn
,torn & patched up well.
         She is timeless in

living&walking, knowing
   I gave it all       to You.
My kizmit,   You gave Me
new    heartache, which
       I will plant, & reap

                            amor fati.

i've written a lot about love and fate. to me, they are two of life's surest things. they are everywhere & they are sweet. growth, another sure thing, is hard, but it's through growth that i have learned that i love You.

amor fati is a double-edged sword, though, so let love, fate & growth teach me that, although i love You, You are not mine to love. & that is okay.

matt r Jun 11

We were outside,You

closed your eyes & I imagined
how You felt;  the itch of the sun,
the thirsty breeze & My sating gaze

You looked so beautiful  ,  then  ,
quenched by    love & wanting,
flowered&budding a new meaning
of what it is to just Be,so perfectly