If you are there,
If you love me,
Open my eyes,
So that I may see.
Let me love you,
Love you intimately.

It’s on nights like these
You feel like it isn’t worth
Going on another day
It hurts too bad
When you try to stay
It feels like your only options
Are the razor blade
Or leaving this place

But before you give up
Let me tell you a story

This isn’t an ordinary story
It’s a true story
But at the same time
I’m making it up right now

There was this girl
Her name was Abigail
Abigail was a caterpillar

She was born with many siblings
Lots of brothers and lots of sisters
They were a pretty happy family

But when they were still young
All of her siblings were murdered
As were her parents
Abigail was left completely alone

It took her a little while to get the
Hang of surviving on her own
But eventually she did

It was just after she got used to living on her own
That it seemed like things when downhill again

Abigail liked food. A lot.
She couldn’t control herself
She tried eating healthy things
Like salad and fruit
But she ate so much that even
The healthy food made her gain weight

She ate food
She dreamed food
She lived food
Abigail became obsessed with food

As if being overweight
Wasn’t bad enough
She was constantly made fun of
Because of her eating habits

Abigail’s biggest dream
Was to fall in love
But it seemed impossible
Because she was always torn down

She used to think that
If someone would just give her a chance
They would maybe possibly like her
And someday they might even
Fall in love with her
She was sure that true beauty
Was stored in her heart
Not in how thin her body was

But as the bullying continued
She decided she wasn’t beautiful
Not even on the inside

It was at this point
Abigail decided to commit suicide

She didn’t have pills
She didn’t have a knife
She didn’t have anything that kills
Or anything to take her life

She was sitting in her room
When she decided to die
And the only thing near
Was a silk blanket

She decided that she would suffocate
Herself with the blanket
Slowly, she wrapped herself in silk
She took one deep breath
And she squeezed her eyes tight
As she released that last breath
Her eyes relaxed

But she didn’t die
She opened her eyes
When she awoke
She felt like she was in a new life
She looked in the mirror
Abigail was a butterfly

She had to endure the trials of life
In order to become the beauty
That is a butterfly

In the deepest pain
Abigail found life

Just when the caterpillar
Thought her world was over
She became a butterfly

I am so scared.
I don't know where to go.
I want to give up.
But I want to go on.
It just seems like there is no way out anymore.

I run in circles.
I wear a mask.

They see me as the happy,
Never hurting, always loving,
Perfectly okay, Christian kid.

But I'm so ******* broken.

Everyday is a battle to hide my scars.
Every morning I wipe away my tears
Before I leave the car.
I do everything and anything so
That nobody will ever see my fear.

I can't do it anymore.

Maybe today will be the day I quit.
Maybe this will be the day I give in.
Maybe tonight will be the end.

I wonder if there will be a light at the end of the tunnel.

You’re everything God
All that I want

You’re everything God
All that I need

My father
Savior
King

You’re my everything

"Good morning Mattie! How'd you sleep?"
"Oh, I slept wonderfully!
I fell asleep quickly and didn't work until morning."
"Any cool dreams?"
"Oh no, you know I don't remember my dreams."

I laid on my back for an eternity,
While my mind bled uncontrollably,
Painful thoughts flowing.
They won't leave me.
LEAVE ME BE!
It takes hours for me to fall asleep
And when I finally do,
I wake every half hour because...
Well I don't know why.
Maybe because my brain is too lonely.
I guess he needs someone to keep him company.
So he wakes me, begging to help him think.

Of course I have dreams!
I just lie so you won't ask.
My own dreams sicken me.
It's the only time I lose control.
I am a monster in my sleep.

"How are you?"
"I'm great!
How are you?"

I almost killed myself today!
Why can't I go back to first grade,
Where the hardest choices were choosing
Which game I should play,
Or how to convince my mom to let me
Wear my favorite jeans,
Instead of those silly looking corduroy?
Does my Darth Vader action figure win today,
Or is he defeated by my batman toy?
Do I climb the tree from this branch,
Or that side?
Oh none of that matters anyway.
Because if I don't find the answer,
I'll just be the incredible Hulk
On my trampoline and dodge
The sprinkler's water bullets.

I guess the hard things in life change.
My decisions were a little different today.
Do I slit my throat and watch it bleed,
Or pop the pills to set myself free?
Or maybe I shouldn't end today,
I could just use the razor blade,
And wear my heart on my sleeve.
Or no, my scars on my sleeves.
Or no.. My heart on my wrists?
I DON'T KNOW!

So maybe I'm not so great.
I don't know if I'm depressed.
I think I'm just lost.
I'm happy when I'm with people.
But when I'm alone,
I think a little too much.
I get sad often.
Okay so maybe I am a little depressed,
Maybe a tiny little bit.
I'd just hate to admit it.

When I was little,
I would get annoyed with emo kids.
I was convinced depression was fake.
It was a mind game.
"If you want to be happy,
Just be happy."
I'd say.
"Depression happens because
You want to be sad"
Well I sure don't want to be sad!
Or maybe I do.
It gives me something to write about.
No, I definitely don't want to be depressed!

When I lay in my bed,
I ponder for hours how many times
I lied today.
I didn't lie.
Why would I?
Well maybe I lied once or twice.
But that's just because I didn't want them to know,
It was a bad day.
But then I can't help but wonder
If something else I said was a lie.
What is the truth?
I get so confused.

Maybe it's because I've had my fair share of memory loss,
Or maybe I've lied so much that I've forgotten the truth.

I really don't think it's the second option,
But I can't help but wonder.

I wish we didn't lie so much.
I wish we could tell the truth,
Even when it hurt.
I dream of a world where our pains,
Are not contained within.
But one that we could walk without chains,
Free of our masks.
Why must we lie?

I'm going to have the best life
In the whole wide world.
I am going to be so so so happy.
I want to grow up so badly.

The words of a different boy,
What happened to me?

My mind was in the clouds.
My heart was in the skies.
My soul, never slowing down.

I ran forward.
I was so distracted looking up,
I didn't realize there was no longer
Ground beneath my feet.
With one final step,
Joy,
Ambition,
Hope,
They plummeted off the cliff.
As that last bit of ground disappeared,
My happiness was replaced with fear.

I wanted to grow up so badly.
Life granted my wish.

"Let's play a game,
It's a secret game,
Just you and me,
Promise not to tell anybody.

Take off your pants,
Don't you trust me?
We're family."

I wanted to grow up so badly.
Life granted my wish,
She stole my innocence.

Sorry Matt,
He's gone.

How is a little kid supposed to accept death like that?
I never knew this type of pain.
The lack of knowledge was replaced with a lack of sleep.
Don't close your eyes,
You'll just see his face.

The last gift he gave me was a knife.
I don't want to live without him.
I don't want to live today.
Maybe I'll see him if I use this blade.
His death first, mine next.
Let's introduce steel to my chest.

I wanted to grow up so badly.
Life granted my wish,
She gave me his death and asked for mine.

Your condition is severe.
According to the scans,
Your brain's due date is near.
You're gonna die unless we operate.

I'll be fine,
This is just a step in my life.
It's just a phase,
I'll be healthy in a matter of days.

But on the inside I questioned my life.
What if I die today,
What if I die tonight?
Confidence flickers like candlelight.
The candle caught fire and it all began to burn.
My memories turned to ash,
And confidence flew with the wind.

I can't remember anything,
I can't remember me.
I have a name,
I have stories.
But I've lost the ability to see.

I wanted to grow up so badly.
Life granted my wish,
She let me taste death and took my security.

"Can you take your brother to school?
I don't feel good this morning."
Six months later,
She's still in bed,
Still doesn't feel good,
Will she get better?
Will this ever end?

Tears staining the hospital floor,
How can so much pain come from a place of healing?

I wanted to grow up so badly.
Life granted my wish,
She tried to take my mom from me.

Five in the morning,
Another one gone.
I thought I had become numb,
But relapse came with the storm.
I can't take much more.

Her life traded for endless pain.
I'll never be alone,
When I have this loneliness to keep me company.
How many more must you take?
How many scars must you create?

I wanted to grow up so badly.
Life granted my wish,
She killed my best friend.

I have no where else to go,
There's no place for me.
Growing seems to be in reverse,
I'm dying slowly.

I wanted to grow up so badly.
But I never wanted God to abandon me,
I never wanted life to destroy me.
If this is what growing up is like,
I don't ever want to grow up again.

Laying
Beneath the stars
Gazing
At her perfect complexion
Wondering
Is this love?

I can't possibly be falling
I wouldn't fall for her
Not my best friend

But I am...

I have been abandoned
I have been struck down
I have been cast out
Thrown to the ground

Where are you father, when I call out?
Where are you Jesus, when I need you?
I need your love
I need your touch
Where are you father, when I call out?
Where are you Jesus, when I need you?

Where are you savior?
I need your hand
Guide me, father
I’m such a broken man
I need a savior
Come rescue me

I asked my friend once
Why he cuts himself
His reply was completely sensible to me
Though others might say it was senseless
But so heart wrenching was the reply
So real that it made me cry

He said
I cut myself to make sure I'm alive
Because pain is the only emotion
That throughout my life
Has been able to thrive
But every time I cut, I think
If I can feel pain,
Maybe another emotion has survived

You see
There's this thread that is tied around my heart.
But it's not just tied around my heart
It's tied from my brain to my heart
To my soul to everything around me
To everything within me to all that surrounds me.

There are many things attached to this string
The closer they are to the end
Wrapped around my heart
The bigger the knot they form
And the bigger the knot is
The easier I can feel them

There is one emotion
I feel every single time my heart beats
That emotion is pain
Through past, present, future
Throughout my entire life
That emotion has never ceased

Pain is so close to my heart
On the thread of emotion
That maybe if I feel the pain
I'll be able to feel the emotion
That is one step further than pain
And then the emotion beyond that

I cut myself because if I can feel pain
I might be able to feel hope next
And I might feel happiness after that
And maybe, just maybe
Someday, because of the pain,
I'll be able to feel love

I asked my friend once
Why he cuts himself
His reply was simple
He said
Because sometimes,
Cutting is all that keeps us alive

A few minutes ago my mind was much less blown than it is now.

We sat around the table, played risk, and ate McChickens.
But then as the craziness settled,
My dad said there was something we needed to discuss.
I thought he was gonna say I was slacking
And need to clean the house more often.
But then in an instant I saw this was much more serious.

He pulled up a chair,
Faced his kids,
And did everything he could to hold back the tears.

Our eyes only met for a spilt second.
But before he broke the gaze
I saw insecurity and pain.
I saw more brokenness
In my father than ever before.

As he tried to speak
It seemed like the necessary words
Had not yet been created.

He was unable to hold back the tears.
They decided to drip slowly.
He pressed his palms against his chest
As if he was trying to force out his last breath.
I swore in that moment he was having a heart attack.
But it wasn't a heart attack,
Just unending fear bottled up inside.

He started by saying,
"You have been walking on eggshells your entire life.
Everyone knows except you, my children.
There is another,
Your big brother."

When he was 18, he had a girlfriend.
Because of her, he's no longer a ******.
I have always believed
That my mother was the first.
But my brother, Justin, is proof that I was deceived.

After he was born,
It was decided that
My Dad wouldn't be allowed to see him.
The mother banished the father
And left the son fatherless.

She packed up and moved away.
My dad wasn't able to speak to them ever again.

Now that he's an adult,
He may be able to reach out to him.
I might have a big brother again.

My dad was afraid that this would
Somehow make me hate him.
He was overwhelmed with joy
When I said I absolutely forgave him.

Once he got those words out,
I almost saw the chains fall.
I watched him become free.
He was released.

This boy is twenty-three.
I didn't even know he existed,
And I'm not sure if he knows of me.

I wonder what he's like.
Does he smile often?
I wonder if he'd like me.
Is he happy?

I just experienced my very first,
Hospital hallway wall, sliding down
To the typical Hollywood sad and confused,
Teary eyed, half sitting, half standing position, moment.

I started to cry.
But then I told myself I could not cry.
I had to be strong.
And so I did everything in my ability to not
Think about what was going on in that hospital room.

But my mind acted in defiance
And did the exact opposite of what I requested.
I tried to stop my thinking
But my desire just acted as fuel
For the burning fire in my head.

While attempting to empty myself of thoughts,
I became filled.
The questions started flowing.
Once the flowing began, I was consumed
With an endless and raging sea of questionified emotion.

A simple yet convoluted question came first.
Why? Why is this happening?
More complex questions followed.
How will I go on if she dies?
Will life consist of me forcefully
Placing one foot in front of the other
And hopelessly trying to find a reason to continue?
Has the God we’ve always strived to follow abandoned us?
Is there a God at all?

It was as if my mind stuck his thumb out
And went for a ride all across the world.
I thought about the most random things
Though I viewed them through a grey-scaled lens.

Why is the sky blue?
Instead of seeing the beauty of blue,
The sky is blue because of sadness.
The sky is blue because I am blue.
And the clouds cry a storm because they’re broken.
And when the waves crash
It’s because they were a little bit too tipsy that night
And now their children are mourning.
Who thinks about these kinds of things?
I am going crazy.

And once again I cry.
I bawl.
The tears roll down my cheeks.
First it was just one slow drip
That got caught in my eyelash.
But of course it continued
Until there was a river of tears rushing down my face.

***** being masculine.
I’m going to cry.
Because crying is the only thing
I can do in this situation.
Ha! Crying just makes me want to cry.

Why?

It's hard.
Knowing that I might wake up tomorrow,
Or any of these coming days
Without my mom is really hard.

It’s the holiday season.
Christmas is going to ****.
I'm honestly dreading waking up and not being able to run to her room
And see her smile as she rolls over to say, “Good morning and Merry Christmas, Matthew!”
And then spending Christmas morning together as a family.
I'm scared that I won't ever be able to do that again.

I have never been this scared in my entire life.

She smiled at me when I walked into the hospital room today.
It was the first time I've seen her smile in a month almost.
It was hardly a smile.
And it caused her to wince.
But I still saw a little bit of happiness.

How does a boy come to terms with the fact that his mom might die?
I don't know.
I guess I'll just keep telling myself she's gonna be okay
And try to go on one more day.

I will marry the first girl
That brings me a cinnamon roll.

Just kidding, That's shallow.
But I really do want
A cinnamon roll right now.

And if a girl were to bring me one
I probably wouldn't be able to resist
The unrelenting pull of the universe
Forcing me to fall in love with that girl.

This is not a poem
This is not a poem
This is not a poem

I decided to write
Because I wanted
To sound artsy

But then I just wrote
Words repeatedly

This is not poetry

Life is not what I thought,
Nothing is as it seemed,
I thought I knew
Thought I had it figured out.

But now,
It’s like I’ve been kicked to the ground.

The friends I thought I had,
The God I thought I knew,
The answers I once had,
They’ve abandoned me.

They’ve left me,
Bitterly alone.

I’m not sure what to do,
Seek God where I am?
Or run away to find something new?

All I want,
Is to know truth,
I don’t care about anything else,
I just don’t want to be confused.

Where is peace in this world of pain?

I've always wondered what love would be like.
There were a few times, I decided I'd try.
But each time, she showed she didn't love me,
She loved who she wanted me to be.
I just want a girl to love me for me.
I don't want to be put in her box
And made to be what she sees.
I want her to see me.
I wonder what it'll be like, *to be loved.

The leaves toss and turn in the wind
My feelings begin again
Seasons change as the time flies
She's back, with that same sparkle in her eyes.

The mirror was cut,
Wrists were shattered,
This heart is sobbing,
These tears must be broken.

This town sits quiet,
As the destructions falls silent,
Where these stories were once spoken,

Stories that have long past
Still seem so real,
They’ll never stop happening,
Darkness will never let him be.

Everyone’s telling him what to do,
He doesn’t remember how to feel,
It’s all very fragile,
His thoughts are vast as the sea.

Flowing thoughts,
Crashing waves,
How will I ever escape,
Will I never be free?

They tell you no,
You’re trapped forever,
But I say no,
I say run away with me.

Let’s run,
Leave this place,
Leave these feelings,
I’ve got you and nothing else.

You’re wrong,
We have the world,
Right in the palm of our hand.

We don’t need the world,
All we need is us,
Say goodbye,
It’s time to leave this land.

Whispering farewell
To the memories
We’re leaving behind,
Good and bad times,
Old adventures,
Thinking of new ones
As we leave this reality.

Your lips, so bittersweet,
The last thing I’ll ever taste,
Kiss the world goodnight,
As I kiss you one last time.

I’m afraid of letting go,
But I know if I’m with you,
This dreamland won’t be so scary,
It’ll be just one last tree to climb,
As we stand at this height,
I contemplate our lives,
From when we were kids,
To today, on this bridge.

Let’s run,
Leave this place,
Leave these feelings,
I’ve got you and nothing else.

Flashback to as far back as the mind goes,
Masculinity is mighty and feminism is flawed,
Man is right and woman is wrong,
Boy is strong and girl is weak,
I’m a gentleman as long as I’m on top,
She can’t speak unless spoken to,
No place for women at the pulpit,
Men can’t learn from lesser beings.

Flashback to four years old,
The first time he was told,
Homosexuals will burn eternally,
Because they’re *******,
He said God doesn’t love them,
They’re an abomination to creation.

Flashback to age twelve,
Welcome to the USA,
Export the Mexicans,
Eliminate the rag heads,
Burn the gays.

Flashback to seventh grade,
She left him for her,
The hate talk convinced him,
All gays were wrong always.

Flashback to freshmen year,
It was Halloween,
Debate class in the morning,
She was dressed as a nerd,
But obviously that so wasn’t her,
Because she was Iranian,
He asked where her turban was,
Said her outfit wasn’t complete without it.

Flashback to the close-minded, conservatively, homeschooled child,
Racism was as familiar as his father’s laugh,
Sexism known like the scent of his mother’s casseroles,
Ignorance was his bestfriend,
And hate pumped through his veins.

I don’t know if right wing racist remarks are forgivable,
But the one he was bred to despise showed nothing but forgiveness.

The Iranian girl shed tears,
Which caused him to shed his foggy lens,
For the first time, he saw his own sins,
A joke rooted in hate hurt an innocent girl,
An innocent tear hurt an ignorant boy,
I am an ignorant boy,
I felt her pain,
I stabbed myself with shame,
She befriended me,
She forgave.

Flawed people produced twisted identification,
She isn’t the Iranian girl,
Just a person.

Mexican, black, dark skinned, or light,
Christian, Atheist, Muslim,
Left wing or right,
Straight, gay, man, woman,
Irrelevant.

Mexican, black, dark skinned, or light,
Christian, Atheist, Muslim,
Left wing or right,
Straight, gay, man, woman,
Human.

Words written centuries before my name was imagined,
When they think of my name, I’m labeled with these words,
Ideas invented long before my first breath,
I follow the ideas with every breath.

But is it real or just some silly fairytale?

They say my book is rooted in hate,
When read in context, I find love,
But the followers always seem to discriminate,
Are the followers denying the one above,
Or am I living a lie?

Gay marriage,
Women’s rights,
Human slavery.

In the ancient text,
I find confusion about the great debates,
Is our culture wrong,
Or does my way support hate?

Every single day I search for answers,
I beg for truth,
But nothing changes,
I find nothing new.

Can I speak to the author of my handbook,
Or must I keep chasing the wind?

Reciting bible verses empty as my soul
Pulpit preaching lacking evidence
Words without action
Love abandoned

I want a dad not a ******* preacher.

Feeling is such a silly word.

I listened to a sad song a few minutes ago,
With the musician's words, my emotions flipped,
My focus shifted to tragic things.

No more than two minutes later,
She sent me a picture of a silly face,
Suddenly, my feelings changed.
Half smile, scrunched nose, eyes closed,
She made me laugh.

The simplest things can impact how I feel,
But very few can affect who I am,
Feelings aren't all that important.

I've felt many ways throughout my journey,
Blissful happiness,
Broken-hearted grief,
Innocent joy,
Painful rejection,
Passionate affection,
Suicidal misery,
Overwhelming peace,
I have felt many things.

I used to let these define me,
But as my state of mind altered,
I blew with the wind.
Feelings can no longer describe who I am.

How am I feeling, at this exact moment, you ask?
I am happy,
I am sad,
I am scared,
I am nervous,
I am curious,
I am restless,
I am alone,
But I am content.

I like the sound
Of glass hitting the floor.
The sound of the broken vase
As I carelessly throw it out the door.

Because it reminds me…
It reminds me that I’m not the only
Broken thing in this world.
It reminds me that
Just because I’m shattered,
I’m not alone.

It gives me hope.

Where I find true hope,
Is in the potter.
The vase I threw out the door,
It had to have been made
By someone right?
And that someone must have cared.

They put their time,
Their sweat,
Maybe even their blood,
Into creating it.
But the greatest thing,
They put their love into making it.

It was a piece of dirt,
Or more accurately a lump of clay.
But the potter,
He saw so much more.
He saw beauty,
When all else saw dirt.
So he molded it,
Into something of worth.

He crafted this lump of clay,
Into a beautiful work of art.
Simply because he loved it,
With ALL of his heart.

I destroyed what was created,
But can it not be fixed?
If dirt can become beauty,
Can broken beauty be repaired?

If I return the shattered vase
To the creator,
Will he care?
He could fix it.
So cannot my creator
Pull me out of my despair?

I like the sound,
Of Glass hitting the floor,
Because it reminds me,
That even if I’m completely shattered,
I can be healed.
It reminds me that
My brokenness isn’t life.
It reminds me that
There is so much more
Than the broken glass on my floor.

Why do we adventure?
Because we are

I adventure
Because I am
I adventure
Simply because
I exist

Without adventure
Life is worthless

Hours,
Days,
Months,
They pass by,
And I am left alone.

I am alone,
Even in the largest crowd,
I am alone,
Because you aren’t by my side,
I am alone.

The tears fall,
The brokenness appears,
The pain rises,
Because you are not by my side.

I want to know you’re beside me,
I long to gaze into your eyes,
I need to feel your arms around me.

Day and night,
I dream of our past,
Of our present,
And of our future,
I dream of when we reunite,
Of when we’re finally together.

I love you,
Deeply,
Passionately,
Intimately,
I love you.

With all of my heart,
I love you.
With all of my mind,
I love you.
But mostly,
I love you,
With all of my soul.

When we are together,
I am complete.
When we are together,
I am whole.

Church
A place we call sacred
Though it is far from holy
Plagued by the lying,
Fake, judgmental, deceptive, wannabe,
Overly religious, ignorant, bigot, crazy,
Hypocritical curse upon society known
As Christian

A place said to be filled with love
So sadly love is not the first thing seen
Rather, we feel the ever-watching eye
Looking down because our clothes don’t
Seem as clean, our shoes are not free
From dust, our scars, they bring disgust

But not all who walk these golden
Streets of Christianity bring hate
Some do not raise their head so high

These few who know love
This minority who is actually true
They are the church

Even though these phony haters
Infiltrate the lovers’ ranks
They are not Christian
They are not the church
They’re nothing but arrogant imposters
And close-minded fools

A tree must bear fruit to be a fruit tree
Likewise a Christian must bring forth
Faith and hope and love
They must bear their fruit
Otherwise these Christians
Are not so Christian after all

So remember, the church is this group of
People who love, not the building
Filled who those who destruct

You said you love me
You said you’re there
Times got rough
Then you disappeared

The voice faded
Your presence dissipated

Your love is no longer here

You said you’d never leave me
Nor forsake me
But here I stand
Without friend or foe
Completely alone

It rained yesterday.
I was out in the rain for a few hours.
I got soaked and freezing.

So right when I got home,
I ran upstairs,
And jumped in the shower.

At first,
I didn’t turn the water past warm.
But I was still cold.
So I turned the **** until it got hot.

I stood under the hot water for a while.
And then I stepped out of it
But instantly I felt a chill down my spine.
The air was cold.
So I leapt back under the water.
It was almost addicting
To stay under the water.

After I stood under the water for a bit,
It was like I got used to it.
My skin became numb to the warmth.

So once more,
I twisted the **** until it was hot.
This process repeated itself
Over and over and over again.

Eventually my skin turned bright red.
The red almost alarmed me.
But I was too addicted
To the heat to care.
I turned it up again.

It burned.
But it burned so good…

I turned it up to the maximum heat.
It felt like fire on my flesh.
I was consumed by the wet flame.
I rubbed my arm
And my skin peeled off.
My body was melting.
I became addicted to the heat
Even though it was killing me.

That’s how she makes me feel.

This morning I told myself,
I will write a poem today,
But I ended up just hanging out,
With my friend named procrastinate.

8:30am
I was awakened,
Rolled over and saw my notes,
Poetry?
Nah, not yet.

10:00am
Lounging around,
It’s my lazy day,
Poetry?
Nah, not yet.

11:30am
Just finished showering,
Poetic thoughts ran through my mind,
While the water ran through my hair,
But now that I’m out,
I’m busy,
Poetry?
Nah, not yet.

12:30pm
My dad made me listen,
To a sermon with him,
I almost wanted to write a poem,
But I was preoccupied with Dr. Thompson,
Poetry?
Nah, not yet.

1:45pm
Money feels good in my hands,
But first I gotta do all this addition,
Time cards ****,
Poetry?
Nah, not yet.

3:00pm
I haven’t eaten anything today,
I’m starving,
Maybe because my refrigerator is empty,
I haven’t gone shopping in four weeks,
I should pay the grocery store a visit,
Poetry?
Nah, not yet.

5:45pm
Tacos sound good,
I have no clue how to make them,
But I guess I’ll give it a shot,
Poetry?
Nah, not yet.

6:45pm
Dang, that tasted awesome,
I should probably make something
Gross so I don’t let these cooking skills
Get to my head,
Poetry?
Nah, not yet.

7:00pm
It feels so good to sit down,
My new favorite show, Falling skies,
Is awaiting me on amazon prime,
Poetry?
Nah, not yet.

11:00pm
Four episodes in,
I’m officially addicted,
But I’ll let my brother use the TV now,
While I pass out on the couch,
Poetry?
Nah, not yet.

11:15pm
Crap…
I was gonna write a poem today,
What the heck am I supposed to write about?
Nothing serious is on my mind,
Depression, abuse, peace and war?
The only peace I’m thinking about is sleep,
Poetry?
Nah, not yet.

11:17pm
I guess I’ll let my eyes open,
It might be time to write a poem,
Not sure what to write about,
I could write about writing a poem or whatever,
Poetry,
Yeah, maybe now.

11:30pm
I’m done,
Here’s your fricken poem, Matthew,
Can I go to bed now?

Human,
A vessel for pain.

I take,
I destroy,
I ravage.

Never looking back,
I burn all in my path.

Like the sea
So my heart
Has come to be

One moment
Calm and still
Soft blue breeze
Moments later
Raging
Crashing
Furious waves in a storm

My mind
My heart
My soul
Never knowing
Constant chaos
Always distant from the truth

You were lying on my arm,
And staring into my eyes,
Laughing from my stupid jokes,
Giggling while you were tickling me,
It was then, I knew I needed you,
I absolutely loved you,
I wish my dreams were true.