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Matthew P Beron Apr 2013
Too Quiet

This house is too quiet
Too sad
Too cold
I walk across a dimly lit room
I can hear the floor creaking beneath my feet
I can hear birds singing songs outside
Nobody sings inside
Steady sullen silence
Nobody sings inside
This house is too quiet
Too sad
Too cold
Did I do something wrong?
Stupid question
Can you forgive me?
Better question
I ask you to sit down and listen
You can't wait to leave the room
Why won't you talk to me?
Are you afraid?
Have you heard it all before?
Did I do something wrong?
Can you forgive me?
This house is too quiet
Too sad
Too cold
I remember when we were best friends
We could talk about anything
We could talk about nothing
Nobody talks anymore
Steady sullen silence
Nobody sings inside
I am singing inside
I am smiling inside
I want you to sing
I want you to smile
This house is too quiet
Too sad
Too cold
Matthew P Beron Apr 2013
I can never find anything to do anymore
I am ALWAYS bored
I drink another soda as fast as I can
Boring
I smoke another cigarette as fast as I can
Boring and bad for my health

I used to drink and do drugs
It caused a lot of problems but I had fun
At least then I had something to do
At least then I could make myself stupid
Do stupid things with an excuse
At least then I could be interested in menial things


The most interesting thing I did today was take a shower
I was actually kind of happy standing there under the water
But only an idiot would stand in the shower all day
I could take up *******
That might be fun
I could do that in the shower

I rarely smile anymore without faking it
I smile when I see a small child smile
But I don't have children around me that often
and when I do, they are not always smiling
Often they are screaming
Screaming children are not fun

Some people seem like they are happy all the time
How do they do it?
Is it because they are stupid?
I like to think so
I like to think that I am the norm
Nobody should be happy too often

I just want to be happy a little bit
Find a few things to do that don't bore me to death
I wanna be interested in life
I want to have a reason to go to bed early
I want to have a reason to wake up
I want to have a reason

Today I will just have to settle for being bored
For being uninterested
For being unhappy
But it would be nice not to have to dumb down to cheer up
I am sick of dumbing down
I am kind of sick of life

Maybe tomorrow I will remember a good reason to live
Maybe tomorrow I will find something new
Maybe tomorrow somebody will suprise me
Maybe not
But I do still have hope
That just maybe things will change
Matthew P Beron Mar 2013
Too much of a good thing
They say it is possible
Why?
How?
If something is good then more of it should be better
No?
Why not?
Who made the rules?
Too much of a good thing confuses to me
I want more
Why can't I have it AND be happy?
Too little of a bad thing
That's a possibility
We wouldn't want that
But to little of a bad thing is good
I know
It's confusing
You've heard it before
Same story
No
Not this time
Something is different
Good things are in demand
You will appreciate it more
Supply AND demand
Bread tastes good when you are starving
This is not economics
This is life
It is here
It is now
It is
I am hungry
Give me more
Feed me
Make ME happy
Matthew P Beron Mar 2013
Jealous Again

I put Black Flag, Jealous Again on the turntable
It spins and I spin
I hold my hands to my face like I have a mic
I feel like spitting as I pump my fist
MAYBE I AM JEALOUS
Jealous of the guy who has two kids
Jealous of the guy with a job
Jealous of the guy with a car
I put Black Flag, Jealous Again on the turntable
It spins and I spin
I make faces and show my teeth
My grill needs work
MAYBE I AM JEALOUS
Jealous of the guy who has nice teeth
Jealous of the guy with six pack abs
Jealous of the guy with a full head of hair
I shouldn't be jealous
I have me
My values
My family
My friends
I even have Black Flag, Jealous Again on vinyl
I have everything I need
I shouldn't be jealous
Matthew P Beron Mar 2013
My alarm clock and I do not get along
Every morning I roll over and see that it is 5:30
That ******* is screaming at me
I argue with him for a bit
I get nowhere
He is a clock
He doesn't talk or listen
But I try
I tell him to slow down
I plead with him to go back in time
He just sits there
No response
Time goes too fast
I just want things to slow down
But the clock doesn't care
Someday, maybe someone will invent a clock that cares
I impatiently await that day
I will be there with bells and whistles
But my alarm clock does not care
and we do not get along
Matthew P Beron Mar 2013
I broke myself
 years ago

Then I found you

Picked up the pieces

Put myself back together
It was good for a while

Then I broke myself again

The pieces are scattered now

I will try to find them

Put myself back together again

But I am broken

Flawed

Missing several pieces

I need to find them

I need to stop breaking myself

The pieces are somewhere

All the king's horses

All the doctors
All the counselors
They 
could not do it

But I can

I will try

I need to find the pieces

They are out there somewhere

Scattered
I will find them
Piece by piece
Matthew P Beron Mar 2013
I told them I was too ******* happy
Just not right
Something is wrong here
Too ******* happy
With all the talking and the hand gestures
Who do I think I am?
Just not right
Too ******* happy
"You must be drunk"
"Yer all jacked up on pills"
****!  YOU!
Hold out your hand and I will **** right in it
I'm clean
I'm sober
I'm too ******* happy
for my own good
*******
I'm just not right
I told them
I warned them
Don't tell me I'm drunk
Dont. Tell. Me. I'm. Drunk
Ataxia
Look it up *******
Ataxia
Look it up
Do I seem drunk?
Do I seem high?
Do I seem to be too ******* happy?
YES I DO
I do seem drunk
I do seem high
I do seem too ******* happy
Something is WRONG here
JUST NOT RIGHT
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