Today my MacBook wouldn't start
I killed myself right there in my room,
Staring at the black screen
And just as I was breathing my final breath,
The screen turned white
And appeared the Apple logo

I am important
I have stature
I am powerful
I am everything
I can control people
I am above people
I am better than most

no I am not.

Elsewhere and beyond
is where I plan on being
Elsewhere is lovely
this time of year
And beyond is even
lovelier

I made a reservation
It’s all set in stone
Or at least it’s on
the internet

I’ve packed my things
in a little brown suitcase
Everything is in it
but one thing is not;

My heart

Trees look the same
when you say they're just trees

Food tastes the same
when all you do is eat

People look the same
when all you do is look

Music sounds the same
when it's verse, hook, chorus, hook

A heated car
is humming in the driveway
You can see that the lights
are on from outside
It's dawn
The sun has not been fully shown
It's still dark
But the light is rising

Wet leaves adorn the pavement
I'm at your front door
My heels on wet wood
You're not fully dressed
You're eyes,
not fully open
I'm waiting for the words
You are as well
I've been waiting for this moment
all of my life
For you
To come with me
Our lives to start
The ones we have planned

And now I find myself
at a familiar place
Again I am waiting
The car behind
You in front
And the inevitable sun
slowly rising above this all

I won't leave now
I'll cry when it's a mess
I'll keep on pretending 
I'm a *******
I guess
To the pain of my own life

I can see how this ends
It ends with you walking,
Me crying 
Of course you won't change
You never have
I never could

But I'll be wallowing
With the tears,
I'm swallowing
And in a way I'll be happy
With the way
This was meant to be

I waited for you
An avalanche of good intentions

I’m waiting for you
Here’s to nothing
We’ve made it there

Forever wavering is the weather
Proportional to my emotions
Up and down,
the beat won’t stay
The weather changes
in a similar way

It was warm yesterday
Bringing promises of sunlight
Today, however
brings freezing rain
and not a sun in sight

I thought I saw a shimmer of life
in the form of yellow light
But a storm cloud covered it through
And a little part of me,
it covered too

This coffee’s burnt my tongue
And now I can’t use my mouth
The toast feels like sandpaper
But the butter’s slowly melting

Give me back my mouth
Give my back my voice
I’ll open it up
Let it go in
And the words come out

I’m falling like the leaves
Plummeting into an unknown area
Things are changing all around me
And changing inside

I don’t know where I’m going
But the wind will take me there
I haven’t discovered my final destination  
Or the meaning of my fate

But it’s different from then
And I know that when
The timing is right
And my heart isn’t fickle
I  
   will
           be
                happy.

I remember a time
when I ate the world
You were there too

One bite was all it took
For all the dirt and water
to be fully consumed

I think I vomited afterwards

You have to hate yourself
And you have to hate your body
As well

Ew, do NOT like
That photo of yourself
I like it
But you can't!

We’re meeting for coffee
I’m waiting for you
My coffee is served
My coffee is cold

Are you coming?
Will I leave alone?
The last thing I need is unanswered questions

There you are
I see your face
It looks just the same
As it always has
You look well
As they say
Am I glad?
I’m not really sure.

If I could be anything
I’d be me

Whatever the **** that is

If I could hear anything
It’d be you

Calling my name

If I could be anywhere
It’d be home

Again,

Where the **** is that?

The atmosphere changes
So does the temperature
so does my face
I see a room of faces
A sea of things
that look just like me
Nose, eyes,
hair, lips
But none of them look like me
None of them are me
I don't know what I am doing
I turn to leave
but the doors have all been locked
There are no windows
I feel the heat rising
The faces multiply
I can't move
So I stand
in the room of faces
and I wait
Wait for something
perhaps nothing
to save me from the dread
that my reality may be
the future of everything