When I was a boy, and on the days I didn't have swimming club,
I exited school sprinting
and I waited,

in my parent's medical practice.
The waiting room was white and reflective,
with artificial LED lights and worry,

the cream carpet was scratchy on my always naked toes,
clashing with the too-big chairs, red like blood, soft like hope,
hardwood arms with fingerprints pressed deep, still unbroken.

The child's corner was complete, with toys and comics and waiting kids,
only for babies though, not me.
Still, I was forbidden from the office,

where nurses, receptionists and secrets roamed,
seen over top the unassailable counter
and by poking my head around the corner of the grey-stamped door.

Sometimes, when I simpered and smiled enough,
the nurses would pat my head and unlock the password protected corridor computer,
where I would play online games on Miniclip.com.

It always smelled so very clean at the hospital,
and I wouldn't want to leave when Mum or Dad finally finished;
“I'm nearly done, I've nearly won”, but no, no, time to go home.

It only Achieved,
But I wake to see it,
Framed by push-pins and posters,

Painting with dashing strokes,
Procrastination and teasing,
Jokes abound until the teacher returns,

Heads down, silence, back to work,
Back to fooling around,
Once her head turns away,

The end bell rings, yet we stay,
Because we haven't finished yet,
Friends in foolishness and art,

Just school memories now, all a-jumble,
Faces faded, names forgotten,
Posted to Wellington,

It's back by my bed now,
The streams of colours screaming,  
A storm of paint, waving in riot,

Between and beneath the paper,
Two frozen figures twirl,
Outstretched, eyes bound,

Step by step they dance,
To the beat of forgotten tunes,
Waltzing joyously,

Frankenstein-stitches stain the page,
Tributaries of tropic colour flowing,
Glow and bend and blend,

A blur of acrylics on my wall,
Those days bleeding through,
Now and then.

The greatest Coffee I ever had,
Was slurped down quicker than beer at a party,
But the best Barista was nothing of the sort,
He couldn't understand my language, nor even my gestures,
I had pointed a shivering finger at the smudged white chalk that once said 'Mocha',
But perhaps he knew what I needed,

While I waited icy chill nibbled at my ears and darkness deepened before the dawn,
My nose burnt cold, steaming red and dribbling snot like an oil-leak,
My hands wandered for warmth, searching pockets, armpits, sleeves,
Heavy socks and heavier boots shuffled, scuffing square-cut stones,

Finally, with a hurried grunt and a waving hand, I got my mistake,
I fled away from the waiting crowd,
With my coffee into the quiet of the mountain,

The bobbling beanies, fluttering scarfs and clicking cameras faded away,
Leaving solitude, me and my coffee,
Up so high, my ears brushed the roof of the sky,

It was an elixir of warmth and wakefulness,
Served in a grey tin-cup,
Scratched white with age and use,
Full of faith and function,

My tight fingers clenched coldly to the second-hand heat,
Radiating from the metal mug and the lava in a cup,
Steam filled my lungs and the sweet smells rose bitter,
Like a dream of waking up,
Unsettling my huddled thoughts and grabbing the bottom of my spine,
In a heady vice,

Around the world fell away, grey stone to greenery, far below,
And then up again, black, holy and alive,
Ended in a snow scar ridge silhouetted against the waking sun,

I watched,
As the pitch colours, of both the charcoal coffee and the heavy sky,
Blended into lighter tones,
Burnt summer brown and an aubergine orange, glowing in sunlight,

With each sip, both the day and I awoke,
Rising, ascending, resurrecting,
Golden glow breaking the black,
While the black potion spelled a golden warmth,

The taste is melted snow now, gone beneath rays of sunshine,
But the burning heat of the liquid of life and light,
Remains, filling heart, teeth, tendons and hands,
Until long after dawn is done.

Amid an ungracious scrum of DJ hum,
Her unmoving eyes, hook and bind,
Deceitful lips kiss a concrete grimace,

Her lying words mix with cliched verbs,
My screams, drowning in our dreams,
No fairy-tale kiss exists, it's hopeless,

The music meets radio screech, where life's a beach,
My ears bleed, soul's ugly seed, that's all I need,
Hate's taste, callous as fate, it's too late,

Drunk on ***** lust, by dancer's ******,
Heart-scars unscab, unbleedingly stabbed,
Face writ with tear-stains, no pain, just bitter love remains,

Drum's pulse, with heart's last heat, skipping beats,
Guitar cracks, strings snap, take it back! Remake, dreamer awakes, it's all fake,
Romeo is dead, it should've been Juliet instead.

Tide take me away with you,
Storm roll in and over me
Sea let me delve your depths
I will swim in your ocean of sin
And let the waves wash my guilt away
Before I drown in love with you.

I leave the day behind,
And in the shadows I dream,
Waking to walk in icy night,
The stars bring my dreams to life,
They warm the cold cockles,
Of my dimmed, desperate heart,
And promise all my wishes will come true,
I smile sadly, wavering  on the edge of belief,
To be, why not to be, I think I will try.

When twilight's last gasp is past,
And marshmallow ember are burnt to burgundy,
Charcoal sky decays to pitch,
And Luna's last light flickers and fades,
Whilst countless icy spark flower and grow in a slumbering sky,
To fill both heart and heaven with unspeakable beauty.

Some fall in love with golden hair,
With sea green eyes and snow white skin,
I fell when I first saw you smile,
Joy in life, tugging, aching,
Burning wish-fullness into want,
Setting alight your fire in me,
Making me smile too.

Darkness glitters
at the edge of sight,
Fading slowly
at the dawn of light,
Luminescence
grows slow, unseen,
Dark clad hills strip
and grey blushes green.

Comfort-blanket memories sooth,
Ash tasting, soul eating, ending youth,
Fleeing tears streak, stain and bleed,
Aches unspoken, howls and screams,
Black and beaten, unclean iron,
Hollow heart, gnawed to the bone,
Ember under water's weight,
Sizzling into last embrace,
Wings unfeathered, snake-eyes close,
The unknown hurts, together we lose.

I roll over in bed, lonely and cold,
Stretching for the solace of touch,
Empty space fills my fingers,
No scent, nor taste, to steal or share,
No whisper, breath, or beating heart,
Only silence and naked wanting.

Leeching light, vampire-like, her eyes burn,
Stolen attention lingers, cloyingly sweet,
Pearly laughs cling, bedeviling,
Shaking hips, like a disapproving finger,
Rising tides hold secrets close, unveiling,
A smirking smile, sweet as the taste of death,
Oh, angel lips, fallen to hell's debauchery,
Legs like an ignored muse, passion banked,
Hair's flick-kiss, black-heart dark,
Spicy scent, alcohol-like, inebriating,
Breathing deep the essence of the bonfire rose,
Ghost dance footprints fade and fulfill,
Everest's peak, an unscalable life-long goal,
Her free, stained-glass heart, my hopeless hope.

When the March moon is sleeping,
The night is set alight,
With song and dance,
And iridescent greedy glow,
In passion and fury,
Celebrate the present,
Take up arms and live!
For all the stars in the heavens riot!
Flinging firelight across the infinite,
To claim the impossible victory,
Dwarfed, we join in their concerto,
Screaming, Crying, Bleeding,
Out the simple message,
WE ARE HERE!

Midnight raindrops pitter,
Lullaby-like and gently,
Softly, sweet sounds sing,

Sleep's greeting is waiting,
On deeds done in darkness,
Somnolent certainties,

It is brighter, awake at night,
Because all flaws are hidden,
And only silhouettes remain,

Each together, touch alone,
Falling in abysmal, foolish love,
Tonight is for you and I,

Darkness's peak has passed,
But my lights stay on,
What dream could better this?

Her leaving heat wakes my shattered mind,
And torn tendrils of ***-stained dreams
Slip and slide away, noodling into;
Incomprehension, anger, hurt,
Coffee steam stays the pain,
Relief and hope mix in an
Exhuming brew.

I hate my coward heart,
Dithering, to love or not,
How can such a thing, hurt so,
I wish, I want, all of you,
It is not to be,
So I hide my weeping eyes,
And forget,
Burning, bleeding love,
It is not worth it.

There is no silence in the night, darkness breaths, it grows unbound,
It is filled with shadows shifting, whispering, waiting to be found,
Silhouettes block out electric's shine, darkness creeping through the door,
Together searching, trying to, find out what they are looking for,
Frigid breath capers coldly, shoulders crack with goosebump-scars,
Her porcelain skin glows brightly, in the broken light of scattered stars,
Staining black like flecks of paint, a shining blur of cut glass shards,
Sweet scent is lost, we are found, my burning cheeks, she disregards,
Singing breaths whisper love, wishing the night will never end,
The empty night is beautiful as she, we now no longer have to pretend.

Hectic, humid air rings to the sound of ecstatic havoc,
Beating in time, murmurs rise to roars, from where hallway packs loll,
Acceptance seduces me out of my box, to uncomfortable happiness.

High above the waving masts,
With blue below and grey above,
I quest towards the highest point,
Sheep droppings beneath my toes,
A lonely hawk has beaten me there,
Rain flees, whipped by wind,
Stealing warmth formed by the climb,
I reach the top as a conqueror,
Panting, tired, exultant.

I slumber, dreaming, overshadowed,
The smallest of men engulf the sky,
No one but I regrets my chosen road,
To choose between the pan and fire,
The fallen tree burns to light the way,
While shattered skulls grin mournfully,
Waiting transience murders perfection,
Charging the smallest touch with a sense of loss,
Moments gone and a future out of reach,
Nowhere to hide, only I stand in my way.

Mirror's shimmer wanes,
Dancing shadow soars,
Where sea and sky meet,
No song bids goodnight.

My heart is stretched,
Pulled and pulled,
It cannot take any more.

The smallest tug,
You or I,
And it will snap.

But to let go,
Is to admit,
That I was wrong.

I will hold on,
Forever,
You are worth suffering for.

A fire burning in my heart,
Lightning coursing through my veins,
Soccer brings a fury forth,
My soul cannot contain.

Feel what it is to lose it all,
Like singers mute, or painters blind,
The song dissolves, and dancers fall,
Just a hollow shell left behind.

Helpless hope gives both joy and pain,
Abandon me, embrace the void,
Please end this farce, begin again,
Drink from Lethe, memory destroyed.

Ochre dawn spills, laughing, off tender flesh.
Last fading sigh, echo of passion's fire.

A lonely ache knocks at the door to my heart, trembling inside I hide and ignore it,
A bright smile locks it out, "Go away" is replaced by "I'm fine",
Melancholy sinks deep its hidden roots, shame, guilt and loneliness, festers quietly,
It doesn't ever fully go away, I just learn how to hide it better.

Ahead the path branches, I know not the way,
But I must choose now, no more can I stay,
I fear the unknown, but cannot go back,
It all lies ahead, not far down the track,
Childhood is over, I will not say no,
Adulthood beckons, it's past time to go.

Sunken sunlight fades, leaking gold,
Dappled shadows cast, dips and dells,
Greenery wrought grey, primeval,
Crisp and still whispers, secrets kept.

Within arching sky, cold tears fall,
Ponderous clouds glow, high above,
Glistening crescent, heralds night,
Chaos of umbra, caught ablaze.

Shimmer scaled sea, cobalt cold,
Encroaching absence, losing bright,
Black ascendancy, the end shade,
Distant lights ignite, dark flowers bloom.

Bleeding mortal red
Between bandages of cloud
The day veils its last.

Hours pass like broken promises, Regret born in the aftermath.

Shadows walk through dreams alone,                           Their casters gone,
'Tween buildings of skin and bone,                                 Tearless, we mourn,
Forgotten monsters stalk above,                                     The lost give up,
In monotone she cries "I love..."                                       Everything stop.

The waves lap around my ankles as my toes curl into the soft, squishy mud,
The sun sinks below the horizon, its golden pathway disappearing,
And it slips away, into its illuminated palace.
Pink clouds light the way home.