Fairness: could, should, did -- retaliate

I walk between content and happy
confused and bewildered
no complaint
but
why should I continue
a subtle smirk, a fake laugh
lie about my state
but my blood stands still
and I yearn for a thrill
and a day of genuinely happy

falling
'til your eyes catch me
if but briefly
I could feel your hold
that enticing charm,
but you exhaled
and I .. I on my way

I was eight playing Supermario
but every time I failed, every time I lost a life
I would flick it off and on
I had to win perfectly
so I could never get passed level three
except one time I did
the game became so unfamiliar
that I flicked it off and on

gentle lips give a sharp kiss
soft skin slides like scales
my dream girl hides deep scars
what can i save her from

a surgeon would distress
seeing the fracture of her soul
bute where else can I run
with my own darkness behind