Adrift.
August 1, 2013 at 4:34pm

I feel adrift these days,
Lost on the sea of mediocrity,
Adrift in waters too mundane to be storm tossed,
Gently held,
By times' slow waves,
Still and changless,
Until the end of my days.
I used to survive upon the fruit of my dreams,
And play in the turbulent waters of many thought streams,
But dreams and streams are easily lost,
when you are adrift,
Lost in the empty sea,
Of mediocrity.
When your only companions are loneliness and apathy.
It is hard to strive for anything in life,
When all I can see,
Is failure,
And mediocrity.

Laziness pervades,
It has invaded my soul,
And it is impossible to carry any goal,
When I float aimlessly at the bottom of a world sized bowl,
Filled to the brim,
And all I can see,
Is a lifetime of failures,
Adrift on the sea of mediocrity.

Pursued by predators,
Too many to name,
But they are lead by lazy, apathy, failure, guilt, and blame.
What teeth they have to bite,
They inflict a numbing pain,
Their numbers steal the light,
They carry me down,
And Im afraid I may drown,
Im adrift,
On the sea of mediocrity.

Oh, to sail upon the sea.
To brave that which so scares me,
To leave land and life behind,
To sever those ties that bind.

To experiance all those amazing places that I so want to SEE!
That will be something that will forever impact me.
But oh,
Can it happen?
I don't know!

I'm really sick in my body,
Even though I have never said,
It is true that at times I,
Who so loves life,
And beauty.
Have wished to be dead.

Sometimes it is hard to continue on,
But I CAN be strong.

Because I want to experiance those places,
To see,
The world,
The tropics,
Those places,
That make me hope and dream,
The sea and its steams,
There is so much to see!

Dear God,
My lord,
heal me,
Let me be healthy,
So that I can live my dreams,
And photograph,
And experiance,
All that is in my heart,
All that is me.

I want to feel hot white sand beneath my feat,
To stand underneath the Saharan sun,
to feel that great heat,
To Stand upon Rapau Nui,  
To FEEL that island beat,
I want to gaze upon the pyramids,
That are ages old,
To gaze upon greek statues of Zeus,
Marble and Gold.
To see forests,
Forever untouched by man,
To visit places,
Unique upon all the lands.

Seattle is my home,
From Father Mountains,
And Mother sea,
But I want to see those places that I always dream of.
Lord,
God,
Let me be free,
Let me healthy.

Or,
To hell with that,
Let me,
Be,
Tenacious enough,
To do what I dream of,
Anyway,
Good God,
Just let my spirit soar,
Let me see,
Let me Photograph,
Just,
LET ME BE FREE,
Just let me open my eyes to beauty,
and let me see.
(with camera in hand)
Long I stand,
Healthy or not,
Let it be known,
Life's,
God's,
Gaea's,
Great beauty,
I have sought.

Gone on too long,
This poem has rambled.
Dear lord,
Let me,
See.  

At the end of my days,
Be it months or years,
Let me see those mountains,
Seas,
Shores and streams,
Let me see those places,
that constantly show up,
That shine through my dreams.

Let me see,
With camera in hand.
Sick or healthy.
Every part of me,
Will do my damndest,
to fight,
To take pictures,
and to stand,

Upon those shores,
sands and streams,
that beckon me,
through my dreams.

My kids need me,
and there is so much to see!
I have a great camera!
Yet I NEVER take pictures
because I am Old,
and Tired,
and ******* LAZY.

So Yeah.
Time to change all that.

So help me.
ASK.
Pushups,
Walks,
Hikes,
Exercise,
Some heart pumping task.
Please,
Feel free to ask!

Believe it or not, I don't lie.

(Or rarely anyway)

So ask me what I have done today,
I didn't mean to turn this into a poem,
Didn't mean to rhyme,
But this is how I write when I really FEEL,
This is how I am in my own private mind.

Good God,
(I say this with that knowledge that most of my friends don't believe,
But to them I say,
***** you,
God is always true,
Even if you don't believe in him
(or the greater power, or it, or whatever),
He still believes in YOU! :)

It doesn't matter to me,
Or to him,
Living a moral life is really what matters,
Even if you never sing a single Hymn.
People have it wrong.

And I ask you,
The Old Dude Upstairs,
Please lend me your tolerance and Strength,
Help me overcome my Laziness,
Because I want to LIVE,
TO SEE,
TO BE ,

And I won't,
Not if I continue down that path that I walk now.

It is hard,
But I have faith,

If you can't,
God,

I WILL,
My own logic will show me how.

How to buck up,
to deal with pain,
and to let it go like I used to,
To dance in the rain.

Dear lord,
I just say thank you for the chance,
Let me change my life for the better,
Grant me the strength,
to withstand the pain,
let me heal,
Give me the rest of my life to say thanks,
Give me one more Rain Dance.

Ennui.
June 3, 2012 at 1:48am
Worthless,
Me,
My life.

Nothing but garbage,
Nothing but wreckage,
Nothing but worthless rage,
On a world where atrocities are common,

I’m nothing in life,
No good to my kids,
No good to my someday to be wife,
Nothing but a waste,

A waste of space,
A waste of face,
Just wreckage in this world,
Doing no good for anyone.

I’ve never done right,
Never done good,
My life is darkest night,
Just a blight,
A scar upon wood,

I can’t do anyting well
I can’t do anything right,
I can do no good.
My life is a broken shell,
Any goodness,  swallowed by the night.

No good for me,
No good for anyone,
I might as well give in to the ennui,
Might as well caress my knife,
Or swallow a bullet from my gun.

I can’t do anything well,
I can’t do anything right,
My life is a broken shell,
Any Joy,
Swallowed by blight.

Because I love the night,
Night is when the stars,
The stars shine bright,
And share their godly light,
Yet my life,
Still seems swallowed by blight.


Worthless I am,
And shall always be,
Life is a sham,
And I’m drowning,
In Ennui.

Gone

How do I write the words,
To say good bye?
Not that you are gone,
Your soul flying high?
It is so hard to believe,
That you are not there at the other end of the phone,
I keep thinking I should call,
that maybe you will be home,
But I now you are gone,
I know it's true,
Just as  I know,
That I never really knew you.

My Dad, my father, drinking buddy, and friend,
I miss all the wasted time,
And ******!
I want it back again.

Every time i look up at the stars,
I think of you,
Or see a boat, smell the sea,
Or stare out at the ocean blue,
I feel just a little bit of you,

Often I have the desire,
To build a plane, or a balsa wood canoe,

Everywhere I turn,
I see you,

I know you are gone,
That you walk now,
With Grandpa,
And god,

And I find it so odd,
That I can't let you go,
Even tho I know,
You are gone,

Like the stars,
Vanished at Dawn,
It was your time to go.

I see my campfires burn,
And think that if I quickly turn,
I'll see you, standing there,
Jeans, flannel, T-shirt,
With sawdust in your hair,
Smoking a cigar,
Drinking a beer,
Sometimes it really feels,
Like you are still here.

They were  rare,
But I miss our talks,
all the planes,
and all the midnight walks,

I know that I will see you again,
Someday,
In some other place,
When my time comes to go away,
And I'm done with this rat race.

I miss you Dad,
And I think of you alot,
It is hard,
For in grief it is so easy to be caught,
Hard to think that you have passed away,
No more cigars, talks, or camping on a rainy day,

But I'll go on,
And live my life as the best man I can,
Until it is my turn,
And the lord calls me home,

But right now,
By your grave I stand,
Ashes spread where you loved to roam,
From mountains to sea,
Under endless stars
And majestic trees,

And so I say good bye, Dad,
And hope my faith is true,
That someday again,
I will see you.
I love you Dad.

~Matt Pentz
08/02/10

The greatest woman I have known in my entire life,
With kind words,
Open arms,
And prayers,
For me,
She has balanced so much strife.

So strong and caring,
I cannot believe god could let her die,
But some times,
I think god just likes to see me cry.

I know she's old,
But timeless,
She is one of the few pillars of my life,
That still hold me up,
She keeps me in her thoughts,
In her heart and her prayers,
Keeps me on many levels from deaths fateful burn,
But still,
The world turns,
And I cant bear the thought,
Of her being naught,
Of her going to god,
And leaving her family,
Of her leaving me.

Most of my life,
She was the only one I could count on,
The ONLY person who has always been there,
The only one who ALWAYS cared,

I could call her after years of running around,
When I'm so low,
That I feel six feet under ground,
She doesn't need to know,
She just wants to say hello,
That she (and God) love me,
And to know that I'm still here,
And still being a decent guy,
That I'm raising my kids right,
And teaching them of God,
That I'm fighting the good Fight.

For her,
I don't need to do anything but be,
She is okay with me being me.

I know that Someday,
God will take her home,
But that is Someday,
Not now,
Now is not okay.
God cannot take her to where I cannot at least phone!
Too far away!

Too hard to live,
Knowing that she cannot be there for me,
That she goes to see my Grandpa and Dad,
That she dances into Eternity.

Too hard to bear,
A world without that little old lady,
With an amazing amount of Love,
Life,
And with Such CARE.

Dear Lord,
Let her hold on,
If only just for me.
So I can come visit,
To say  I love you,
And to show her that I did it right,
Finally,
And show her my wonderful Family.

Please.

The WIND!

Oh the wind,

Just a simple current,

Movement in the air,

Blowing leaves,

Messing up my hair,

It feels to me,

As if the old dude upstairs is saying hello,

Moving the bushes,

Knocking over trash cans,

Spreading leaves around,

Saying hi with every gust,

Every blow.



Wind can be bad,

For those on Sand,

Or Sea,

But to me…

Oh, to me…



It’s simply God’s playful gusts,

Saying hi,

Sending the detritus of the streets,

Blowing past,

Oh so quickly!



Here and gone again,

Why be inside?

The wind is cold,

Yes,

But so lovely,

Like a hug!

Why would you hide?!



Clear stars above,

Mixed with the tattered clouds,

The creator of this earth,

Be it God,

Or random chance,

Should be PROUD!  



Such beauty abounds,

And the Wind gusts,

Moves,

Blows,

Surrounds!



What a beautiful night!

Writing that line,

The wind gusts,

And moves me a step,

Makes me think,

The old dude up stairs knows,

Even about those tears that are secretly wept,

The wind is just a sign,

That everything might someday be all right.  



The WIND!

Oh the wind,

Just a simple current,

Movement in the air,

Blowing leaves,

Messing up my hair.



The wind,

Oh,

The wind,

For a moment,

Sets my heart free to wander,

For me,

The wind,

Oh,

The wind,

Brings a moment of peace.

I watch the constellations dance across the sky,
With a tear in my eye,
For those who cannot see,
That they are surrounded by beauty.

Everywhere I look,
I find,
Majestic music in a babbling brook,
Everywhere beauty to blow the mind.

Progress carries such a steep price for us today,
But who can say,
What beauty our children miss,
For progress we destroy,

Gone are forests,
For the sake of shiny toys,
Bright blue skies,
Start becoming grey,

If people could just open their eyes,
Would progress be worth the price we pay?