They see the "cat scratches"
They see the bracelets
They see the long sleeves
I see the pain

They see an outcast
They see an "at risk" boy
They see a quiet child
I know the sadness

They see an airhead
They see red eyes
They see the lighter
I sense the fear

You are not alone
They just don't care
And can't tell what's burning inside
Like I do

Outside in the fall
Leaves coat the ground in their brown vestment
The moon likes to settle in
Slightly earlier this time of year
Nuzzling itself amongst the foggy looming clouds

Missing our old weather
Had barely been here but 3 months
I miss the warmth
But look forward to the empowering melting glow
of the furnace
Heating every inch of every bone
Till you rest your weary eyes and rest

Sometimes I sit and wonder why
At certain points I cannot cry
Like the time great-grandma died
I just could not, I tried and tried

Hers, the life, they did take
The six foot hole they did make
You'd think my soul, it would shake
There's something wrong, did I break?

I lose days like the second sock in the wash
Obligations non existent
A winter wonderland after every paycheck
No family
No Friends
No feeling
No ties
Except around my arm
White lines cut with white lies
A knock at the door
Stay awhile and dance(save) with me?

Down to the ground
Surrounded in sound
A cocoon of love if you will
Swirling around
Caressing me ever so softly

The chill no longer lingers
As I lay and melt
Encased in woolen comforter goodness
Envisioning my dream in front my eyes
The adrenaline rushing
Blood pumping faster than life

In and out of my euphoric utopia
Senses heightened beyond reality
Is this even real?
Perhaps not
But then what...

A fight
struggle
tussle

Desire peaked from lack of glamor

Simplicity at its finest
as I peer down the hall

The suits
Champagne poppers
"High class"

Light fades
I disperse back into the crevice
my hole
my life
I wait

I am tall yet barely standing
I am layered, built from the bottom up
Time and people are taking a toll on me
I have no feelings, cold and emotionless
I am constantly hit, kicked, slapped and yelled at
I am very close to collapsing

Who am I?
I am a wall... Me

Street light
Ominous fog
Sirens

Television crews
Yellow tape
Camera flash

Liquid
Arizona Tea

Drip
More
Blood

Hate
Death
Crime

Stop.

A fight
struggle
tussle

Desire peaked from lack of glamor

Simplicity at its finest
as I peer down the hall

The suits
Champagne poppers
"High class"

Light fades
I disperse back into the crevice
my hole
my life
I wait

"They say that every day's a struggle and it takes time
But do they, do they have a clue?
How do I, do I tell the truth from a lie now?
They're trying to say hello, it's goodbye tomorrow
Just put a little **** in the bowl..and you'll be all right!
You'll be alright."

It is no means to an end
But I roll one up again
My blanket from pain, fear, mistrust
The rain pounding on my windshield
As it fogs from the breath

They don't know, how could they
And if they did what would change?
I'm too broken to fix
You couldn't even pick up the pieces

I wear my facade so well
A cover in this masquerade
Aimlessly meandering amongst the crowd
Avoiding eye contact and human interaction

Don't get attached, this ship is sinking
It's sprung a leak, and is now ever growing
One day a smile, a "good morning" hello
The next, in line, in all black to see the show.

You know not what is to be held true
And no words are available to tell you
That the clean, sharp, precise cut that you are
Is the rarest of all the lands

Not one to dangle from a chain
Or garnish on a hilt
Not one to be hid away
But one to be on display

In the case I'll take you
Where ever I go
To show you off, but not to gloat
My shining diamond for now and for long

Smile that melts from the inside out
Voice sings so sweet to make you dance about
Hair with beauty, short or long
So smart and bright she can't be wrong

You shine all through the day and night
With thoughts of you I will sleep tight
I hope we end up with each other
For then I'll never desire another

The influence starts at an early age
A wife, family, house, job
Start this all and turn the page

I cannot to this day profess
That I plan to follow this
I struggle more and pride on less

My dream aside is dark and dreary
Not to live for long
A life not so cheery

Dip away from society alone
Say my farewells
Then not to return home

It seems all too often that a person won't bat an eye
when confronted with poetry
"Not for me, too emotional"
Do they not understand?
Poetry is life
Pure human essence in word form
Whether it's scribbled down on a notebook page
or carved into an addict's arm
The greatest form of relief
Cathartic or funny, there is no difference
Life is poetry
And to be without, is life less of living
Endulge

Turn around
Bring it down from the top shelf please
It's not heavy, you're fine
Bring it here now
That's right...
Easy now
Turn around
Put your hands over your ears now
There you go, nice and tight
Close your eyes
(Gun clicks)
Now run
Don't ever turn around
I'll be waiting for you

City line lit bright
Glimmering blurs reflecting
In my foggy eyes

The bottle kicked
Rolling from my foot
Heavy in my seat

A familiar friend extends a hand
I accept with no hesitation
A better view of the city

I can see it
Feel it
Picture it

Cars racing below
A crowd gathering
Shouts, and a megaphone

I rub my eye
Bow my head
Take a breath

I can't see it
Feel it
Picture it

It's a sad thing to say
That there isn't a day
Where a happy thought crosses my mind

My poems are dreary
I cannot think clearly
So I just keep on with this grind

In the nights I don't sleep
I've tried counting sheep
My emotions, it seems have gone blind

Decisions in life
But I don't choose
Jump to soon
I'll fall and lose

The Girl I desire
I cannot get
So I wait and hope
I'll win her yet

The water no longer runs the well
The fish have swam away

What is the reason, couldn't tell
It disappeared one day

I asked the towns if they did sell
No answer, they didn't say

I see now though, I am in hell
I guess it's all okay

Life on the edge
of the cavernous dreary depths
awaking to pain
misery
sorrow
despair

Where is my rope
I'd like to come up
save me

My eyes
What color
Do tell me more

My family
Where from
Do tell me more

The weather
How cold
Do tell me more

Colors
My favorite?
Do tell me more

One thing I must know
Love me
Don't say...