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185 · Apr 2017
purgatory
Mason Jay Apr 2017
From childhood,
I was predestined
to be stuck, bound
to my hypocritical
          
                                                     religion
Full of white people
terribly conservative,
no one really caring
about how anyone
          
                                                     feels
So many ‘bad’ people
in the world,
especially the ones
who ‘choose’ to
          
                                                     like
the same gender
as themselves.
There’s a special place,
for them, called
          
                                                     purgatory.
That’s what I was told,
and I guess
that’s where
I’m going
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184 · Apr 2017
boy? or girl?
Mason Jay Apr 2017
Since I was a kid
I’ve never really felt
like “one of the girls”
From the beginning,
                
                                          ­             I
knew I was different
I didn’t know how
or what or why
just that I made no
              
                                                      sense
I’d always play
with the boys
but sometimes
I wasn’t allowed to play
                
                                      ­                 the
games they did.
I was a “girl”
and girls were not
strong like a “real”
              
                                                        man
I was a lonely kid,
few friends, at least,
after grade 5.
I just knew I didn’t fit
              
                                                         in
I know what I am now
It’s called trans, but
I’m still stuck
in this thing called
              
                                                          me
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175 · Apr 2017
these days
Mason Jay Apr 2017
These days
I have no companions
except my problems,
me, myself, and

                                                 I
My soul is a tangle
and the only way
to untangle it
is discover who I
     
                                                 am
­I already know
what I want
to be, though
It’s hard to find
             
                                          ­    a
way to get there.
No way is sure
My bank of ideas
holds a high
          
                                            ­     total
There’s so many things
so many problems
intertwining
to create a full on
         
                                               ­   mess
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174 · Apr 2017
release
Mason Jay Apr 2017
People fill up
with emotions
and thoughts
and most have
a release
I don’t know

                                       where
mine is. It’s not
family, and it’s
barely friends,
at least not anymore

                                        Can I
find a place
to talk, to learn
to let go? Can
I find that sweet

                                       release
No place is safe
Nothing is secure
Nowhere to talk
to rid myself of

                                       pain
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161 · May 2016
Disillusionment
Mason Jay May 2016
Nothing’s right
All is wrong
Why’d it take so long
to see the light

It’s hard to see
who i am
All a sham
against me

Life’s too hard
at times
to make rhymes
Be on your guard

You’re coming derailed
cause you’re all messed
And life’s one big test
that you have failed

— The End —