cheerful yelps and applause fade into the unwinding road behind us
as we increase speed towards the rest of our lives
i’m much too wound up in the concept of a promise, a string of words put together so perfectly
like the silver trinkets clanking against the asphalt
underneath a plate that reads “JSTMRED”
i notice the dead end just over the hill
you keep your eyes on the road

wound so tightly around a pinky
tangled in promises
bittersweet commitment
mesmerized by dusty pink skies
glistening speckles in his eyes
banished from the garden of eden-
ever after
from just a taste of longing

***** socks, wrinkled sweaters, tired eyes
i always noticed the little things
clammy palms, chapped lips, weary bones
the little things
i never wanted to miss
like the way my name escaped between your lips
landing on my ears like feathers
i wondered if her name sounded just as soft
i noticed the crinkles in your eyes
and in the corners of your smile
but not your absent gazes,
probably thinking of her smile, and other faces
or how i somehow missed the train to your thoughts

fool me once, i heard somewhere before
fool me twice, maybe three or four
i'll count every single time
because i always noticed the little things

there’s jet black smudges
where love used to be
on this piece of paper i wrote
about you
this isn’t about you
ash gray marks along the sides of my fingers
the tips still tender from your touch
muscle memory screams your name
this pen yearns for you
on this piece of paper i wrote
about you
this isn’t about you

you spilled your secrets onto my skin
writing pretty words along my collarbone
sealing them away with kisses
like promises
my body quivered in response
our interlocked hands much like our bond
how could i ever let go
i whispered stories into your messy brown hair
somehow they found their way to your mouth
smiling into my lips
unspoken understanding
the sun begins to rise
turning a page
we fall asleep amongst ink stains

soft curls spill over his face
like the solemn expression he holds
my unspoken emotion reflects
off of the gleam in his eyes
secrets dance across his lips
when he smiles
i want to be closer
than the prints on his fingers
i want to taste his thoughts
with only the tip of my tongue
whispering promises
that i haven’t made yet
i just want to know
him

i can hear them
whispering sweet nothings into my ear
pushing me under the covers
poking at my pupils until the tears flow
a paragon of desolation

i can hear them
sometimes they sound a lot like you used to
somehow i say
“i love you too”
pushed deeper under the covers
deeper in the crevices of my mind
the place you built a home in

i can hear them
can you hear me screaming?
voice cracking, shaky and shivering
i wonder if they can hear me too

i can hear them
i can hear you
ever since i became friends with the demons inside my head
i’ve been thinking about you

she is the sun
and i am the moon
she is a new beginning, the first stretch you relish as the world awakes, a steaming mug filled to the brim with your favorite coffee
always sweet, never bitter
i am the moon
i epitomize the loneliest hours, the inevitable end, shivers along your arm from a window slightly ajar
misery and company
you love me

but maybe
she is the sun
the brightest smile hiding her darkest secrets
and i am the moon
the comfort you seek within reassuring blankets and pillows

i am the moon
you are the stars in my sky
maybe you need me as much as i
need you

i find myself tracing the outline of your body
from when you laid in my bed
closing my eyes
feeling your warm embrace
as if you never left
i take a deep breath, hoping to tame my emotions
but instead i inhale the faint scent of your cologne
there are empty spaces in all the places you once were
there's an empty feeling in my chest since the last time i heard you say those three words
i still see you, you're a ghost
but this isn't paranormal
and with every ounce of longing in me
i can't believe my heart is still beating
in the most simplistic way i can express,
i miss you.

missing you comes in waves
engulfing me in our memories, our past, our future that never will be
the salty taste of seawater reminding me of the violent end
and just like that, the waves are gone
along with us and everything we were
the sun begins to set, tinting the edge of the waters with bright reds, bold orange
reminding me of the fiery passion that once radiated between us
the moon rises
everything is dark and all life is calm
maybe at dawn we could try again
maybe i should learn how to swim

our love was like a song
i memorized every word like i memorized every inch of your body, as you did mine
all those nights we had each other on repeat
the bass of your heartbeat pounding with the treble of my breaths
bodies singing in perfect sync
i thought we were in harmony but you went and changed the hook
missed calls, skipped notes
ignored texts, broken verses
no longer a duet
since you forgot the lyrics

i wanna love you at 7 am
sunlight beams dancing between the blinds
bodies intertwined beneath wrinkled sheets
as i lay my head against what seems to be the human embodiment of an equilibrium
you are my world
i let weight take control of my eyelids and drift back into the serenity i've found in your hold
until i wake again at 8 am and love you once more

i was a rose
with delicate crimson petals,
and pin sharp thorns
radiating extreme passion
and deeply rooted pain
to those who stumbled upon my presence
i was a rose
a physical representation
beauty, promise, lastings
despair, torment, endings
but i still yearned for love
to be watered, allowing growth
but i was drenched with tears full of angst and fragments
of those who have hurt you before
i was a rose
you didn't have much of a green thumb
and that was okay