tossing all night. no sleep.
i turn hoping to see your name
on the screen glowing florescent.
you've been gone for 28 days and still
i miss you more each day.
some days
it feels like you forget who i am,
but then you come back
and whisper an endearing word,
brush your hands through my hair,
***** and knotted,
and i turn back into you.

starving for attention,
longing for truth.
you tell me what you don't want,
but what about what you do.
i stop and wait for a glimpse
of what is really on your mind.

you are the mind no cipher can solve,
your heart blocked by pain,
mine weary from deceit.

we do not belong together,
yet i want nothing more
than to turn over and see you
smiling back at me.
your piercing green eyes
saying the things
your parted lips are too nervous
to release.

my inability to breathe increases.
my legs shake.
my eyes water.
my fingers twitch.
I go to tell you that I cannot see you anymore.
I turn over and see your name,
and everything is fine again.

i am weak.
but you make me stronger.

i lied when i told you that you
did not matter. the very
moment that anyone questioned
me on you i lied. those who know
you think it was you who was
unfaithful. anyone who knows me
know what is right. i lied when i
said it was you when it was really
only he and me and we were so
devoured by the passion of the
summer night. back in the darkness
behind urchins and lovers and strict
christian women. i am sorry that i told
you that you did not matter any longer.
i may have loved you
but it was he who cared.