What if I could seize this morning..
this moment where I ride my bicycle through the dawn and rising sun

crisp cool diving into spring water air
like jumping into new skin and every part of you can feel again
frost on the blades of verdant grass
frozen fire red leaves in the trees
line my path like lights on a empty runway

the world is ice and fire
and I live life with the contrast turned up
as I push faster through a moment in paradise
tired muscles broken body but I can almost go fast enough to catch the wind
I can kiss the dream I chase, I can brush it with my lips
the sweat makes it sweeter because I've earned the high
dizzy sweet rush and shadow dappled cracks blue turn path
faster and earth smells like a dream potential for something anything

What if I could give you this..

would you take it and put in in a bottle
shoot it up into your veins with the icy blue needles
push the pain away with rhapsody
spider webbing through your system and ebbing like fading stars on city skylines

Would you instead
drink it a tiny bit at a time
inoculate yourself from the horror and the red ripped raw black hole in the world
feed it to the nothing like an answer to the pull of gravity that never stops
the scream of anger and pain you always feel in the box where you shoved it down with
empty words
and fatal flaws
a drip of morphine
in the bright darkness of space

Could you build it into your soul
that broken patched up smashed shining tattered crystal
spin up this perfect fall day and make it part of your tapestry
a place upon your maps and pages that stays the same like a lake of serenity
where you can find solace
peace

can you be a place with no ceiling
only endless sky blue purple stars
can you be an ocean without end
with unfathomable depths and monsters down into the red hell deep
like I have become

Can you see me as I am
a nothing something without end
a stream of thoughts on a cold fall day
could you be an answer to the silence?
if I could give you this moment...

******* smile crooked syntax
twisted fingers
Broken bones with splintered ends
but where they stopped grew empty friends
broken people, battered souls,
rotting dreams in empty holes
ice cold screams crawl up
and tear
dead flesh on the edge of the freeway
those lost by the wayside
They lay under broken streetlights, flickering neon crosses
rictus smiles
canvassed eyes
late night ships that dont touch the water as they sail by
I can't fix them
they wont sew together, they cannot heal
can't be reforged like broken steel
but I can't hide
although I've tried
the jagged edges of the world

Madly
in my silence
The rush of knowing before the spoken thought
the act of placing the moment in between my words
changes it
its not the same, because time is fluid, memories are mercuric
seconds are of infinite depth
but the words just can't sing that
the meaning behind the world
the loneliness
a wolfs howl that strains against my lungs in the supermarket
the tear the sits behind my eyes on the train
the caged something inside me that drives me to find some way to set it free
it wants to dance
on the currents in the wind in the trees that roar when they shake but the sound is small
when its up against the stars
There are no vibrations on the air, in the light, in the nothing
that can set my something free
yet still it screams inside of me
it laughs with unadultured elation
and cries with horrible soul shattering convulsions
it moans with passion at the touch of fingertips on my back, at the turn of lips not mine
it wonders at tiny crystal snowflakes, and streetlights, and insects trapped in amber
and defiantly drags my hand
once more
across this page

Like scattered seabirds,
my thoughts flew.
Got so lost in the ever blue
that sky and sea and visions blurred.
I felt a deeper truth was stirred.
White sail-boats strung along coast lines,
like denizens of foam, and brine.
The mist grey waves of precious lace,
conspiring to hide one place.
What if every when, is where;
every time we stop
and stare?

Our ring sits on a shelf in the back of my closet
It hasn't moved or stirred since I set it there, arranging all my old things in my new place
Of course not, but it still seems to draw my thoughts like a skull in the corner
Like knuckle bones knocking on a door I bricked shut when you left without saying goodbye
After three years
The circle of smooth skin on my finger has almost faded away, the callous it left on my palm is gone
We picked it out together..
It's smooth titanium surface shines brightly, silver blue, without a scratch, and it is now cold
As cold as you were to me, my Once Love, my knight in shining armor, my dream made stone and ice.
I tried to throw our ring away, but the thought of it living forever in garbage would haunt me
the piles of things no one wanted pressing it down..
I tried to break our ring to pieces, but the pieces would linger just the same, like a mutilated corpse
I couldn't give it away, I could't bear the thought of throwing it into the sea
just to have it sink to the black, frigid depths, tinged with green and decay
It's already so cold..
I used to twist the ring around my finger
when I was afraid, or nervous, or just to comfort myself
it was warm, and it was like you were there, in a silly way
now I reach for the ring
its not there
and my foot misses a step in the dark
I fall down again
and remember our ring, with its cold surface, sitting on my shelf
it should mean nothing now, but it doesn't

fingertips
lips
warmth
Valhalla on the other side of a molecule
when they say the world spins
they mean your thoughts do
when they stop, you are in another world
like a dream
a lifetime in the space of moments
complete and whole on its own
we find comfort in touch
and hope that there will be an answer

Revenant of my mind
Lurking in the rotten hollows etched in my memory of a rainy day
Tripwire strung through my subconscious
The taste of coffee in my mouth
Warmth in my hands,
white steam and cold air.
You rise from the dead
turn it to ash
howl into the void
claw with dead broken fingers
as I suffocate the though of you
and take another sip