there's nothing I can do to resolve the situation

but I still want to feel some responsibility

drawing my hand back from your sleeve

cuts my fingers to the cowardly bone

your cologne lingers and brings me tears.

thought of you today, just like always
gave me a headache, so I open a new pack
giving in to that sweet camel menthol
just like I gave you my all

pull from the cigarette
everything that I wanted out of you
every little smile that I hoped to snare
that flash of hands that meant you cared

smoke curls through my mouth, frosting my insides
do you miss me? did you love me?
I'll love you for a thousand years
I loved you for a thousand years

ash blows out the window into nothingness
this buzz in my brain like all of your voices
my heart is numb with minty freshness
I love you, I love you, with God as my witness

I can feel the filter get hot
that last drag always gets to me
Can't say the words that are burning my lungs
Drowning before I took the plunge

Throw out the rest of this cancer stick
I really hate this addicting hassle
I guess it's okay if I only have a few
It'll take a lot more to get over you.

It happens quickly.

I'll be rushing down the highway, my mind in a thousand different places, and it happens.

I could be angry with you, or myself, or our circumstances, or not angry at all, but it happens.

It happens quickly.

All it takes is the name of your city.
All it takes is a kid in a uniform,
a song by that one band you like so much,
a stone angel worshipping a god you no longer believe in.

It happens quickly.

All it takes is
that infernal set of railroad tracks we crossed a hundred times,
a glance at my battered, water-damaged watch,
putting gas in my tank and wondering if this is the day that I won't stop driving, the day that I just drive until I can see you and make sure you know that I care, and I always will.

All it takes is one of those little reminders,
those memorial elements, and
I'm gone.
I'm back in that moment that was empty and quiet
but heartwrenchingly vital.
There was nothing but the rise of your chest from slow steady breaths, the sound of your heartbeat pounding like my favorite bassline,
the glimmering stars we couldn't see,
the smell of smoke and wet grass and contentment.
The enveloping feeling that the world will survive if we escaped for an hour,
that regrets are nonexistent,
that for once in my life my inadequacies are not so painfully obvious and I feel loved.

It happens quickly.

Thrown apart, then back together
Tumble in the rain and heather
Flowers crushed beneath this feeling
Send believers all but reeling
Soul stands apart from body
Even dew on the grass seems gaudy
I'm not sleepy yet.

All the butterflies have gone
Burned by the approaching dawn
Roses blush and turn away
As time's blanket starts to fray
"He loves me not," cries one last petal
Like angel's teeth across scrap metal
But I'm not sleepy yet.

All the world is tucked in bed
Tangled hands around your head
Shadows flee before the sun
Hide in bedsheets, need to run
Taste of stone and blood and heat
Embrace as fluid as concrete
But I'm not sleepy yet.

Instantly I can feel the heat
not like a rush but a pleasant snaking
hits my cheeks and my hands are shaking
brain is at critical overload
hormones surging, thoughts overflowed

Instantly I can feel the beat
your heart like a train storming into my ears
open lips, close eyes, lose all my fears
almost losing my head to this fire
feeling you melt into my skin with desire

Instantly the sensation of falling down
Instantly I clutch you to me to avoid the ground
Delicious Vertigo.

Instantly I can feel the heat
Not like a rush but a continuous
Snaking up my spine
Around and around, my head is spinning
Nearing critical overload

Instantly I can lose the beat
Tempo is trickling out of my ears
You scuttle into the corner of my eye
Appearing oh so naturally
Perception is everything
Perception is everything

Roaring waves spill out of your mouth
Oscillating between my vision
Almost up to my neck in fire
Contradicting my one wish
Hoping you will cease this
Echo in my mind that's bursting through the walls and
Silence.

It sounds like
you're whispering
and singing ever so softly
and you hold me tight
in the bed we bought
the only thing we've got
is this moment

and it's all we need and you
brush the hair from my cheek and I
turn to look into your green eyes and you
smile, that smile saved for me and I
wake up.

And there's so much I want to tell you
about my dreams and hopes and aches and
I want to let you in on all my secrets
on all my thoughts and feelings
and it seems like I'm burning for you,
but nothing you say can put me out.

And I want that bed to be all we've got and I
want to be all that you need
but my words mean nothing to
someone who can't hear them and you're
still asleep so I
just smile and tuck you in and I
leave a light on and
two aspirin for you and then I
wake up.