The same question is asked in my mind
"Are you alright?"
Every time I say I'm fine
Even when I know I'm not
Even when I tell myself to remain strong
"Are you alright?"
I am
Except I believe I lost the person I was talking to
For a long time
"Are you alright?"
I am
Except Life keeps throwing boulders at me
Expecting me to be nimble
And dodge with ease
Like my brother
Expecting me to be just like him
"Are you alright?"
I am
Except my heart and brain are currently at war
Causing me to make decisions on my own
With no guidance from either side
And a difficult road ahead of me
"Are you alright?"
I am
Except I'm not
I'm far from alright
And I keep ignoring my many problems
Cause I care less about myself
And more about helping everyone else
"Are you alright?"
Am I alright?

I only see you in my class
Constantly focusing on your school work
While I keep getting lost looking at you
Trying to figure out what I'm gonna say when I finally
Finally swallow my pride and...
But I can't
Not cause I don't think I can san what I want to say
But cause my mind freezes up around you
I start to talk fast and can't keep up with what words I say so I start to mumble and lose track of what I was originally saying and everything comes together like one long sentence that seems to never end for days
You don't even know me
And I barely know you myself
But I just want to get to know you more
I want you to learn the inside of my mind
So you can understand why I'm the way I am around you

See, I can barely contain this hopeless romantic inside of me
Who's trying to maintain the constant pain gained from the past
That never lasts but seems to cast a dark shadow around me
Only to be overcast by the radiant light you give off
Being in your mere prescence creates a situational hazard
I just can't avoid
Or I choose to meet head on with my inner Self
Creating conflict concerning whether or not
I should even say one word to you
Knowing one of two results will unfold
Either you choose to avoid me and this possible story ends
Or you become interested in where this story is heading
Honestly, I'm hoping for the latter
Cause I want to progress this little narrative
From chapter one of meeting you
To chapter two of getting to know you
Then to chapter three
Where I admit my feelings towards you
If only that were possible
But the truth of the matter is
I would only have so long to really create such a story
And even if we were to make it so far
We wouldn't know if our respective goals would
Take us down the same path
Or lead to a fork where we're forced to
Split for an unknown period of time and
Test out whether we could outlast time
As if we were doing time for a crime of loving one another
And sacrificing on a dime for the sublime feeling of love and trust

You broke my heart completely...
Wait
Let me rewind to the beginning
You made me fall for you the first time that I made eye contact
Afterwards, you were the only thing in my mind
Day and night
Night and day
Nothing else mattered but trying to make sure that you always smiled
I remember trying to be someone that I wasn't
Just so you would notice me
Fall for me
Want to know me
And truly see what I thought was meant to be
But instead you saw an opportunity
To feed your greed and insanity
You slipped me false hope for happiness
And led me around like an ignorant kid
I tried to give you a world I could never afford
You took it and expected more
I told you I love you with all my heart
You lied and silently ripped me apart
I wanted to make something work out for us
You knew that there would never be an "us"
I was blinded by my heart and the feelings for you
Until the day I saw you with the one you would call "your boo"
I remember that day all too well
The day you broke my heart and sent it to Hell

Prey upon my mind like it's your holy grail
Cause you understand that I'm one of a kind
Can never be replaced in your eyes
Always around in desperate times
Your personal counselor when you can't take the world
The shining light that lifts your world
Into the wonderland of dreams
Where things are so supreme-ly splendid
And you won't remember what you did
Where you can enjoy an endless bliss
Better than that first kiss
Or a granted wish that you've always wanted
I'm your guide to the slide of your lie of a life
That you can't seem to keep straight
Here to give you the words you need so that you can remain
Sane without gain of pain that's been trained
To maintain a stained identity strained into your mind
Smiling cause you can't gather the strength
Cause life seems to want to hurt you
And only you
But give everyone else a wonderful time...

Tears falling from my face
****** tears
Crying my heart
Away from the darkness
First time inside the light
And it burns
Burns from my skin to my soul
Driving my demons back into hiding
Causing my senses to regain control
And I cry
Not for the freedom that's been granted
Not for the release from steel
That held my hands down
I cry tears for those fallen
Fallen from my blood soaked talons

I've maintained a spirited personality
While trying to distance myself from others
Believing that my path is meant for one
I keep pushing people away
Destroying my ties to the future
For a chance to see where this lonesome road takes me
Discovering what kind of person I am
What kind of person I was to everyone
I keep losing myself in the limelight
Believing if I always do something spectacular
I would always be noticed
I want to fit in with people
I want to make as many friends as possible
So that I don't have to be by myself anymore
I want to have someone by my side
I don't want to keep making the same mistake
And push people away from me
I want to have someone here for me
So that I won't have to endure so much pain
All by myself
*I want people to notice who I really am
See what the real me does
Not see this character that
Dances in front of them
Just for their amusement
I want someone to tell me
I don't have to wear this mask
And accept me for who I really am

Every second I sit I just keep thinking, Why do I exist?
What purpose has kept me
From letting myself
Taste the sweet metal of a blade
Where am I suppose to go
If neither heaven nor hell is guaranteed
Every second I keep existing
And I can't stop thinking
What is stopping me from running away
Why can't I just leave everything behind
All this pain and worry
All the anger, joy, sorrow
All these numbing emotions
Every second I breathe
I lose myself to all this
I think about that night
The night my story could have ended
And every time I do
My mind filters it more and more
Making sure I can never remember
Such a dark, chaotic time
But a satisfying moment for me
A moment where I felt in complete control
And the universe was the one
Begging for me to stop
Trying to understand the reasoning
The underlying meaning
Beneath this chain reaction
Every second
I exist

This is my fantasy
I play the hero
You my damsel
I protect you
You comfort me
We love each other
*Until the end of time

Hopelessly romantic
Yeah
That's what I said
I'm a kid who doesn't want to believe
I'm the child who likes to live in a world
A world where I know Cupid will come down & help out those in need
Because love will be special again
And there will be people that believe in love
Instead of those that want to use those stereotypes of
Bops and thugs
They believe that's how people are supposed to act?
There's no way that people will ever fall for someone like that
By acting like that, we're just ruining our true selves
The children that linger inside of us
The romantic side that knows how to treat a lady
A gentleman
Whatever
But no
We want to destroy what others worked so hard to make
We just let thugs rule the world
We let them turn all of the future females into their ****** and bops
Just for their own satisfaction
We need to stop it
We need to go back to the simple times
Where we were hopelessly romantic
No
Where we knew we could get someone
Instead of standing in the sidelines
And just watching every lady pass us by for someone who would just hurt her
I don't know
But I think I would rather die than live in this world
I would rather be nonexistent than try to become that which I argue against
But that's just me saying what I truly believe in
That's just me
A true hopeless romantic

I write myself into barriers
Isolating myself from this
Cold, desolate world
Written in ink
By my own ego
My superior inferiority
Guides my mind and hand
To a false truth
The wrong understanding of a
Fast paced
Blurred
Masochistic
Dystopian utopia
Meant for all
Left to me to rule
Left to me to be too cruel
And banish others
I guide myself with my work
Into a harmful state
To isolate
And devastate
This great debate
That rages in my mind
For all time

She holds the key to destiny in her left hand
While clinging to life with her right
Trying to remember why she does this
She sees her friends
Begging her to stay with the
Pleading
Refusing on the grounds that
She wants them to be able to live happy
Choosing to sacrifice her own well being
For a fate that she's ALWAYS been against
Believing that this is the right thing to do
Struggle so that others may prosper...

She holds the key to life in her hand
Letting it drain all the joy away from her soul
Replacing it with the agony of anguish
Struggling to stay among the living
Questioning her own choice
Claiming the dead is better suited for her
Not her words
But the words of a child
Who has given up on life itself...
She holds such a simple key to the fate of
All not one
Becoming corrupted by every negative thought
Of every living human being
Dying on the inside
Living a lie on the outside
Wanting to be free from such a dark fate
But afraid of the consequences to do so
So she stays
Remains a prisoner
In an "Easily" escapable prison
Called "Fate and Destiny"
...

I found a love letter the other day
And it had so many pages
That I wished it were for me
But I was faced with the reality that it wasn't
So I stumbled upon the letter that had no to
No from
Just words confessing love
To an unknown man or woman
Who seemed to have either dropped it or forgot about it
I found a love letter on the ground
And I read it
Wondering what it could say
And felt my heart skip 5 beats
Because whoever wrote this
Meant it from the bottom of his or her heart
The words used in this letter create an atmosphere
No human could ever achieve
Yet did for the attention of a significant other
Who decided it wasn't important enough to hold onto
I looked at this letter
Trying to grasp a meaning
Failing to conceive the vleeding
Heart that aches
Because this isn't with the one it's meant for
But rather in the hands of one
Unworthy of reading even one word
That was drafted in pencil
Written in red ink
Whited out
And rewritten in black
This letter closes the gap that most
Literature teachers try to understand
And comprehend
And it lies in my hands
.....
I stumbled upon a love letter the other day
It was a thing of beauty
That must find its way
Back to its owner

I've fallen from her grace
Left to wallow in my own disgrace
Burdened with my trials of misery
Before I can continue my history

A monster lingers inside my soul
Waiting for the moment to strike
Waiting for my weakness to rise
And gather more control

I left my former life of death
For a new body of hope
The strength of my past
The wrath of my present
Shape the love of my future

I have hit a point in my life where my poetry is no longer evolving
I write and I write
But it always ends up the same.
No new ideas
No new conception
Just the same poem over and over
It's like I've lost my personal muse to the world outside
And I can't find her anywhere
I've lost the spark that would help me come up with idea after idea
And I just decided that it was okay
Because I grew up from it
I've lost all the inspiration from my childhood
All the joy, pain, anger
All the emotions that I put into my work
Gone as if they never even existed
Why can't I evolve my work anymore
Why do I have to watch with envy
As others create wonderful masterpieces
While I recreate a
One hit wonder from long ago
That everyone has seen too many times
But decide to take pity and read just to satisfy me
What did I do to lose my love
For the art that I first gather interest in
The art that made me think
The art that helped me express myself
Why must I always have a block
Where I can never finish a new piece
Where I just stop and wait to
Finish it later
Knowing I'll never come back to it
How did I become this lost poet
Who can't create work
Is forced to read others works
Who must realize his limit has been reached a long time ago
How can I call myself a poet
When I can't even create a unique poem...

I'm not in a Genesis crisis
But I am in somewhat of a bind
Stuck behind the kind shield of my mind
struggling to overcome the pain so that I can move forward in life
Can't you see I want to move on?
I want to get a new love life
But the strife that strikes me like a knife just stops me
I want to tell her what I really want to
But I'm stuck believing I'll never be up to standards too great
Why must I keep myself down
Like a clown inside an empty town
Why can't I just tell the truth
And say you're cute
Instead of being mute
Or trying to refute a past statement
Don't you care that I'm hurting?
Why am I so focused on a past
That never lasts
Unless it's fast in the mind
And tries to wrap itself around me like a cast
Why do I have to feel the constant torment
While you get to move on
As if nothing occurred
I get to be stuck in the Limbo of relationships
while you can casually move on to the next guy
Who will inevitably break you down to my level
I see your pain and take it as my own.
I'm just a sucker
I could never let you stay down on that level
I'd rather take your pain
So that you can gain a sane point of view
I'll sacrifice my own sanity
For the betterment of everyone else
Just so I can understand why I can't move on from that past
When I see you, I smile.
I think I finally understand
Why I could never stand
After that day
I lost a part of me
That was meant to be free to see the sea of belief
I lost that part of me to the chaos of love
Only because it wanted me to climb from darkness into light
So that I would never see this as a blight on life
Is it possible for me to tell you?
Now I'm stuck in the Limbo of doubt
But I have hope on my side
To hopefully provide me with
A new stride for my inner kind guy
I can move forward
Without fear of losing my life again

You know that you aren't meant to be here.
That's not for you to say
Why even try to show that you belong?
Because someone wants to accept me
Why let others judge you?
Because there's that one who will see pass their judgment
Why remain strong?
**Because my strength is my only natural weakness

I'm looking down watching what you do
As if i'm Uatu the Watcher
Or maybe I'm controlling you
Like the evil Puppet Master
See you have no control in life
This is my world and I'm just allowin you to live in it
It's like I'm eating up planets with Galactus
And creating chaos with Apocalypse
I'm in control of my actions
Choosing to do wrong
Only to wait until my redemption by the hands of the worthy
You're inside my head like Charles Xavier
Trying to find out my secrets
Only to discover that I keep my mental barriers on lock
With no key or code to unlock
Said passageway into my subconsious
Because I can block you without a helmet
Unlike Juggernaut or Magneto
I'm free to swing around with the good wall crawler known as
Scarlet Spider
Hah
And write up my own unique flows with no worries
I don't need the X-men or Avengers
Or my friendly neighborhood Spider-Man
To know that I have some great repsonsibilities on my shoulders
Weighing me down like a ton of bricks
And I don't need someone like Doom
Telling me how to be a leader
When we all know his leadership skills could use some attention
I'm an enigma
Close to what Deadpool would say is
Very unique
Before muttering towards the wall
As if it were his faithful audience
I know who I am
I know what I do
So simply put
I'm freaking awesome

I have been gone for a long time
Too long for me to count
But I've been gone doing some thinking
Remembering what my mentor once said
"you know what
Forget this!
Grab hearts with your fist"
So I left the stage
Went into hiding
And grabbed my heart with an open fist
See, Mad Max was nothing
Mus was nothing
Zero is definitely nothing
So why would I call myself any of these names?
Because Mustafa wanted to give them something
Mustafa wanted to give them meaning
But they tried to take over
So I left the scene
And thought about my mentor
"You know what
Forget this"
I knew I had to forget the past
Move my *** forward
And show everyone that Mustafa is back
Back on the center of the stage
Ready to read what I wrote
Speak what I know
Express my feelings and emotions
Unlike those masks
Trying to make me a missing link
In this exhausted world
"Grab hearts with your fist"
I can't help but keep remembering this one line
The line that helped me go beyond what I originally did
And gave me life beyond attempted ******
I mean life beyond a depressed lifestyle
I know where I am now
Why I'm back now
Because of that line
My mentor
My friend
My allies
Mustafa has made a return to the stage
Ready to speak against myself
No ready to speak for the future
NO!
Ready to speak...
For a new change and a new start

I know this message won't reach you
So I figured I would write this here
I want to help you recover from your last relationship
I want to take you on a date
I want to know everything about you
And learn what makes you smile the most
I really like you
And I just can't stop thinking about you
Every time we text
Even if it's just saying hi
They actually brighten my days
And bring me out of slums
Something about you
Just encourages me
To be the best version of myself
I don't know
How you truly feel about me
But regardless
I just felt like
Getting this off my chest

What happened to the boy
Who was carefree and wild
What happened to the kid
Who loved the universe
What happened to the child
Smiling at the world
What happened to him
Was the harsh response given

She never understood
His constant need for approval
The drive to show his own worth
That stemmed from a childhood
Hidden in the shadows by more
"Spectacular" siblings outshining him
She always saw him
Overdosing on his desires to be seen
Beyond his family
Beyond his past
He knew she couldn't know
Just how much pain he's endured
Keeping a positive attitude
Even when deep down
He wished he were dead every day
Trying to feel like he belonged
In a world where he's been cast aside
He never cared though
Cause he knows now
That she has stayed with him
Not for his status in the world
Not because she wanted to heal
The damages inside his heart
But because she simply loves him
And he truly loves her

It is amazing how the rain
Can mask my tears so easily
Nature simply wants to console me
Allow me the time to heal
From a great pain
A greater distress inside of myself
With such a cold embrace
Nature soothes me
So that I may remain
The hopeful romantic

He doesn't exist anymore
Well he does
But I'm in the driver's seat now
Mustafa is such a weak soul
Everything people like about him
That is all me
Mustafa is just a body
Useful for movement
I'm the true mastermind
He would never know what to do next
If it weren't for me
But his time has come and fine
Now, I am free
I am here to run this show
And soon
He will cease to exist

People say they can see my future in high definition
Well I only see black and white
Depicting that I'm wrapped up in an endless cycle
Trying to find the safe way out of a problem
Only to find my way back into it
And it's just gotten worse
I see that metaphorical ghost
Of the past present and future
Trying to show me my mistake
My path and that time paradox
Where I talk to myself
Only it's not me but a possible me
Trying to warn me that this isn't the track for me
Only to be blocked by requests from
Him, her, him, him, her, him, her
All these applauds from cardboard cutouts
My voice being blocked by...
Fake
My voice being blocked by...
Fake
My voice being blocked by the fake
The adrenaline of being forced out of a house
Told that I'm not trustworthy
Kept out of a loop I was interested in
I'm being told by myself
I'm going down a path I possibly can't come back from
That I'm gonna feel pain worse than getting a tattoo
Worse than fracturing a knee
Worse than even the end of the world
I'm going down...
Black and white
Technicolor
I'm going down...
People say they can see my future in high definition
But I can only see black and white
With shades of red for the blood

They tell me that I need to use my voice to be heard
But How can a soft spoken voice be heard
In a crowd of millions
Without having to yell out my verbs and nouns and adjectives
How can I make myself known to the world
Without spreading the word that we are just a herd
Spreading our curd through the suburb
With blurbs to our jurors
I mean our peers who leer,
Jeer, cheer, and fear that we will destroy
That which is near and dear to them
And create chaos that cannot be silenced
Unless violence is used on our insolent minds
That refuse to accept the truths
Fed to us by those in power
Believing that their word is the law of all
And they shall not fall from their fragile pedestal
I refuse to allow such madness to occur
And spur the world into a frenzy
That's too crazy for the lazy to comprehend
No, I'd rather fight against the chaos
Even if it means I am forced to fight the world
With the same voice that refuses to yell

What they always tell me
Is never what I need to hear
But what they want me to know
It's always the same
No one wants to help me
They're only out on their own agendas
Seeing me as their
Simple little manipulative pawn
That should only worry about the little problems
They devalue my worth
And only see their own gains
Never understanding their grave errors
Always underestimating the big picture
What they tell me
Is not the whole story

I pushed you away from me
Knowing that I would ask myself
Why did I make such a horrible decision?
I keep torturing myself with this constant
Barrier put up to keep me from ever getting close
Close to anyone
Anyone in particular
Only cause I keep wanting to ask
What if...?
What if I hadn't said no to you?
What if I had decided to stay with them?
What if I didn't push you away from me
And stopped over-thinking everything?
Why don't I just stop this thought process for once
And live in the now
Not worrying about the consequences like everybody else
And enjoying all that life has to offer
But that just isn't in me
It's just not part of my genetic make up