I pushed you away from me
Knowing that I would ask myself
Why did I make such a horrible decision?
I keep torturing myself with this constant
Barrier put up to keep me from ever getting close
Close to anyone
Anyone in particular
Only cause I keep wanting to ask
What if...?
What if I hadn't said no to you?
What if I had decided to stay with them?
What if I didn't push you away from me
And stopped over-thinking everything?
Why don't I just stop this thought process for once
And live in the now
Not worrying about the consequences like everybody else
And enjoying all that life has to offer
But that just isn't in me
It's just not part of my genetic make up

I've maintained a spirited personality
While trying to distance myself from others
Believing that my path is meant for one
I keep pushing people away
Destroying my ties to the future
For a chance to see where this lonesome road takes me
Discovering what kind of person I am
What kind of person I was to everyone
I keep losing myself in the limelight
Believing if I always do something spectacular
I would always be noticed
I want to fit in with people
I want to make as many friends as possible
So that I don't have to be by myself anymore
I want to have someone by my side
I don't want to keep making the same mistake
And push people away from me
I want to have someone here for me
So that I won't have to endure so much pain
All by myself
*I want people to notice who I really am
See what the real me does
Not see this character that
Dances in front of them
Just for their amusement
I want someone to tell me
I don't have to wear this mask
And accept me for who I really am

I only see you in my class
Constantly focusing on your school work
While I keep getting lost looking at you
Trying to figure out what I'm gonna say when I finally
Finally swallow my pride and...
But I can't
Not cause I don't think I can san what I want to say
But cause my mind freezes up around you
I start to talk fast and can't keep up with what words I say so I start to mumble and lose track of what I was originally saying and everything comes together like one long sentence that seems to never end for days
You don't even know me
And I barely know you myself
But I just want to get to know you more
I want you to learn the inside of my mind
So you can understand why I'm the way I am around you

See, I can barely contain this hopeless romantic inside of me
Who's trying to maintain the constant pain gained from the past
That never lasts but seems to cast a dark shadow around me
Only to be overcast by the radiant light you give off
Being in your mere prescence creates a situational hazard
I just can't avoid
Or I choose to meet head on with my inner Self
Creating conflict concerning whether or not
I should even say one word to you
Knowing one of two results will unfold
Either you choose to avoid me and this possible story ends
Or you become interested in where this story is heading
Honestly, I'm hoping for the latter
Cause I want to progress this little narrative
From chapter one of meeting you
To chapter two of getting to know you
Then to chapter three
Where I admit my feelings towards you
If only that were possible
But the truth of the matter is
I would only have so long to really create such a story
And even if we were to make it so far
We wouldn't know if our respective goals would
Take us down the same path
Or lead to a fork where we're forced to
Split for an unknown period of time and
Test out whether we could outlast time
As if we were doing time for a crime of loving one another
And sacrificing on a dime for the sublime feeling of love and trust