I've told her before
I love her
And unlike other times
I moved on with clarity
Kept from dying inside
But every day
My heart kept weighing on me
My thoughts wavered toward her
I thought I had everything under control
But I was wrong
Every minute
I lose myself thinking about her
Wondering how I could prove myself
The one able to provide happiness
Willing to wait for her
Even to stay a friend

Stuck wide awake
Thinking of her
At the most inopportune time
My mind just racing
Wondering why she always appears
Why every thought
Makes my heart race
Faster than any moment in my life
Stuck awake in my dark room
Trying to tell myself
I can't feel this way
Not when I know
That it's most likely not 2-way
But I tell myself
I simply can't help it
My heart knows this feeling
And it isn't planning on dying
Losing so much sleep
Because I keep dreaming of her
How to please her
Treat her
Speak to her
How to show her
That I fell for her
Because I'm just that hopeless of a romantic
But I hold back that romantic
Cause I can't give her anything
While I'm stuck giving myself such grief

Every night
I always have the same thought
Roaming inside my head
I'm in love with her
I don't know how
Nor do I understand why
But I just know that I am
And every night
I keep trying to understand
My illogical thought process
Cause I know what's happening
Right here in the present
She doesn't see me in the way
That I see her
And I just can never find
Any way in this mind of mines
To just let go
And admit the entire truth
I just talk to her when I can
And pretend that these feelings
Simply don't exist
Like they're my own personal sins
And I'm subjecting myself to punishment
For even nurturing them
Or giving myself a false idea
That maybe one day
Everything will change
And she'll possibly love me
Or I'll possibly move on
But the simple matter is
These thoughts never change
They simply rearrange
And cause me to feel
Such a horrible shame
Like is it really wrong
To be in love
Is it wrong for me
To want her to be happy
For no other reason
Than because I like to see her smile
Is it horrible
To think that she deserves someone
Who will just love her
From behind the scenes
As well as in the full program
Every night
It plays out in my head
And my heart tells me
Just tell her everything
And she'll understand
But how can one understand
Falling in love by sheer instinct
Falling in love and wanting to know
Everything
Falling in love
And not even knowing know
How to hide that fact away
For so long
Simply because you don't want to
Freak the other person out
Or push them away
With that solid truth

It happens every time
A person is killed
Simply cause of their color
And people try to care
But then they divide
Some see the dead as they were
Others see them as a ****
People fight to defend the killer
While we struggle to keep ourselves alive
Everyday it just gets worse
We die
People mourn
Argue the systematic oppression
Of a White Male dominant society
Try to fight the system
But move on from this fight
Due to the light distractions
Of media perception and illusion