I wanted to run, to hide.
                  HE said, STAND.                                                  
I did not want to fight!
                   HE said, BE STRONG.                                     
I was afraid, how?
                    HE said, IT WILL BE OK.                                                                  ­                  
      Take it no longer: SAY NO!

I went to church but I couldn’t really believe in God.
The trouble was my mind was closed to the possibility.
I could not accept that there was something more to our existence.
Something impacting our lives that we can’t see or touch?
Most of all, I wanted to make my own choices
And not think they were wrong.
I killed God within me, all by myself.

Thomas, the Apostle, did not believe others.
They told him, “We have seen the Lord”!
But Thomas couldn’t accept truth. He said,
“Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hand
And put my finger into the nailmarks and
Put my hand into his side, I will not believe.” John 20:25
God showed up and gave him the chance.

I always wanted proof like Thomas received.
Didn’t really want to put my hands into terrible wounds…
That sounded a bit disgusting.
I had no understanding that my wounds; were His wounds.
As I lived with deceit and rejection and dishonesty
I WAS placing my hand into His nailmarks.
When we least expected it, God will show up.

“Weeping comes for the night; but at dawn there will be rejoicing.” Psalm 30:6

A gentle energy force
Starts from deep within
Immediately permeates every cell,
Every molecule of the body alights.

As thought and heart are openly lifted to God,
He presses the button marked GLOW.

Gazing from the crest of a hill
Endless waving grasslands
No trees, buffalo, or Indian on horseback
Just wide open plains

Heavy low hanging clouds above
Strong winds whipping about; a storm
In the far far distance
Rays of light bursting through; hope.

Desiring warmth but lost, confused
As if a spark or firefly
Drifting, floating, no direction
Unable to find the way

Appearing within arms reach on the summit,
Stretching unbroken to the enlightened horizon
A wooden three rail fence.
HIS strength and support.
Guidance for the journey towards hope and joy.

In search of peace; can find none.
Existence is bare of everything, only consciousness within the night.
The silence unveils an enormous resting hand.
Only the hand, the huge unknown Being is lost to shadow.
Calmly, patiently, lying there open with the palm turned upward,
Beckoning, come.

Exhausted, lost, in want of rest.
Choosing to accept opportunity, approaching loving presence.
Within the folds, a step found to climb upward.
Finally......... a safe place to rest.
Curling up in the loving palm as a babe in its mother’s womb,
It is here one can know peace and begin to heal.

Strolling leisurely through a vast realm of nothingness
Ahead appears a whirling vortex of static,
Flashing specs of black, gray and white pulsating, alive.
Glancing several feet above at the pinnacle, questioning
Why is it here? What is it’s meaning?

Ambling around the outskirts of the throbbing pile,
At a loss for understanding; then choosing to venture on,
When one last glance over a shoulder brings revelation.
It is God. Alive and calling.
An infinite Being that cannot be defined.

The static is all of the attempts of humanity to cry out.
All the words ever written or spoken captured and added to the mass.
Every spec created for pointing to the One who loves each of us.
The vortex can morph, recompile as we each need.
That we may have what is necessary to BELIEVE.

When the toilet flushes
        the water goes down a little slow
Doesn't look bad enough to worry about
        so you tell yourself, “It will be OK.”
The next day the flush is not getting better,
        it is far worse….
Waiting for the moment you’re stressed & hurried
        then a massive eruption occurs!
Leaving a brown lumpy disaster all over the floor.

Disgusting you say? I’d agree!
        But we humans do it to ourselves all the time.

We get upset about something little
        that won’t go away
It continues to pester and because it nags
        the next small slight sticks a little more
Knowing we need to utilize the plunger
        Helping these issues find release
But we don’t, we deny forgiveness without
        understanding that it was never for them.
It was so the excrement doesn't overflow
        leaving a mess too difficult to clean up.