Lately out in public I have become an observer.

A spy, the "fly on the wall", invisible and ghost like.

Smoky wisp.

The people move faster, noises become louder, a can't brethe.

I feel like I want to scream.

Everyone turns, looks, stares.

I am here, I need to talk, I need help. See me.

See me.

it's not where or what you would expect.
no giant clam shell filled with coins and gems.
no water, or fish or darkness of depth.

they come, endlessly, by the hundreds.
with books and bags,
on skates and bikes,
they run in, crawl in, rush in,
some are in a hurry and go
Others come to hide.

all after the elixir of the promise,
of energy and warmth.
to be awake and alive
to find magic.

meanwhile, she smiles with
her tail wrapped around her body.
in her crown, with the shinny luster,
of a new pearl.

Yesterday, driving down the road, listening to the radio.

The news, a mistake for sure. There is never anything up lifting. Another chance for depression.

But there was the bright winter sun, a blue ocean, and moving traffic.

A voice said, "today a woman hiking on a trail near the "Hollywood" sign with her dogs found a head in a plastic bag.

She was alarmed to find that her dogs were playing with something and she wasn't quite sure what it was. When she got close she found that it was a man's head, dismembered from his body, dogs chasing it about.

A human head? Really? Were the eye's open or shut? Was it bleeding? Did it smell? Was the mouth open? Was it *****, bruised, green, blue? Did she scream, faint, swear, look around in a guilty fashion, cry, throw-up, freeze, yell at her dogs..."No....drop it!" Would she call for help? Brush the dogs teeth? With bleach? Take them to the groomer? Who would she call...911, the news, her friends, her Mom, a Priest?

And then it happened...I laughed, a horrible, hysterical laugh. I could see the dogs, chasing the head, in a plastic bag...rolling down the hill.

I will never be able to go the the market again and hear the cashier ask...

i like the sleepy towns by the sea.

there is an acceptance of life,

that rolls in with the clouds,

pushed by a salty breeze.

the gulls understand this,

as they keep searching.

the beach and the waves

know they are where they should be.

What happened to us?
Where did we lose our way?
Is it my fault? Or yours?

There were family and friends,
A beautiful white dress,
Dreams and plans.

Now we spend most of our time,
away from each other.

Different rooms, beds, opinions.

Surrounded, by sharks in dark waters,
with the boat on fire.

Can we save each other?
And not drown in the process.

Goodnight stars in the sky. The moonlight is washing the waves in the ocean with soft light.

Be gentle, be kind, be love.

Sleep...sleep tight.

it bothers me that I can't read a book,
my mind won't let me go there.
love it's cover,
it's pages,
the promise.

There are so many...

the lies told to us...

as children.

everything works out for the best.

you have a great personality.

your not fat, you are just "big *****"

everything will look better in the morning.

of course there is a Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy

you can do and be whatever you want to be.

most people are nice.

it was meant to be.

you are so pretty.

i'll call you sometime.

you have your whole life ahead of you.

you are so handsome.

it's not if you win or lose, it's how you play the game.

Why don't they just tell us the truth?

Today I said goodbye to you, as you were running away.
A result of many betrayals, lies, and secrets you keep.
I couldn't let you shove and push me, and swear.

If only I knew how to help you. If only I could brush my
little boy's blonde hair away from his eyes and kiss the top
of his forehead, again.

You will leave me with this little girl ,she so sweet, so innocent.
She will need her Daddy and I can't be that. Why won't you?
In your wake, ruined lives, broken hearts and pain.

There will be no Christmas this year. No trees, songs or warmth.
Small drops of blood in the snow.
All is calm, all is bright.

My coffee is cold from sitting, as I stare.
A windowless night, streaks of white and red tail lights.
The cars drive by.

She will be here soon.
Entrance to the world.
We are waiting, to greet her, meet her, care for her, love her.

Not long ago, we waited for him.
Wide eyed, pure joy.
Someone stole the clock. Forced time forward.

It is the edge of November.

I guess the time is really here.

Been told by others, myself, but not by my heart.

What do you do when you keep finding yourself in the same place?

A place you don't want to be.

Knowing that there is nothing you can do. Unable to change others.

I guess the time is really here to roll in the shards of broken glass.

There will be blood. Pain. Scars.

Regret.