I'm speechless,
Held back by your words,
Of faith and harmony,
I place my hand on your face,
You heat me up,
The warmth is arresting.

We waltz through the barrage,
Of profanity and hurt,
We take no action,
We stand and watch the failings,
We intertwine and keep our hearts,
From being strangled by the hands of mistrust.

You're the one,
With a waist the size of a line,
Painted on the road that leads to paradise,
We're unbreakable.

The sound of the music,
Enlightens us,
The sweetness of the piano,
The subtleness of the violin.

I need you,
You're my medication,
The drama queen,
The artist of the painting that hangs,
Above the unmade bed.

So we have it all,
You have the attributes of a genuis,
The character that a fable yelps for,
I am the disaster,
With hands that shake like an earthquake,
We're unbreakable.

Let me see you frown
Let me see you smile
A light has drawn across
Beating down on your restless head
There is nothing left
Of that dream we had.

I count how many times
I have nearly died
Keeping you tight to my chest
Fighting with bloodied fists
And drenched in regret
I'm not your saviour
I'm just your clown.

I see a twinkle in your eye
Glistening like frosty stars
That gives me chills
And some will to survive
The onslaught of demons
That cry in my head of lies.

I seek response
From the busker on the street
He sings a sweet sweet song
But doesn't acknowledge me
He's my son.

My heart is a natural disaster
Waiting to explode and to make
The wall blacker
I keep it in just to keep myself alive.

I'm a joker
But tonight I feel afraid
That I might disown her
This poetic verse full of bleakness.

That sweet sweet song!

You're the magic
I'm the darkness
I can't break the blackness
I'm drinking to excess
Dreaming to excess
You're the magic.

The tiresome stretch forward
My hand tries to grab the handle
To open the door to paradise
I must pick lock
Or barge through
Paradise isn't just for you.

You're still the magic
But I see through your strategy
You are trying to pick away at my hope
As I try to build it up.

I'm the disaster
Rubbing the belly of chaos
Fondling the ears of brutality
I need expectation not doubt.

My eyes see you
Crying tears of despair
You're still the magic
With angelic hair
You're still the magic
That's tasting fear.

I'm sorry for the lack of silence
But I need to shout out
My feelings.

Lift me up
from the ground
and brush off the dirt and the cigarette ends  
off my sleeves and my face
and let me sober up as the cars rush by.

Take me to the house
where I can rest my heavy head
and where I can drink my sins
away.

Rub the dry skin from my hands
and piece together the plans
of escaping this strange feeling
in my gut
a gut full of alcohol and not much food.

Feed me education
and break the force
that holds me down.

I know I've asked a lot of you
but I trust you.

Reflect on the good
And not the ugly bad
Prevail and don't fail
You're the magical one
A classical heartbreaker
With no thorns in your side.

I seek solace
I must confirm to you
That there is solid foundations
Holding me up
I'm breaking apart
And the blood is curdling in my stomach.

You just know how to love
I'm a joke and I have to say
I'm sorry for the delay
Of placing you above my life.

The heart in me
Is dying to taste fresh blood
I've drunk enough
To pickle a thousand livers.

I'm just dying to live.

Mania and madness

The heartland bustling
With people filled with sorrow
The depletion of gratitude
There is a bleak tomorrow.

Today I saw pain march with
A broken leg
Today I saw mania and madness
And the monster of this world being
Fed.

The corner of my mind
Aches and gnaws
I'm frightened by the rush of dramatic
Hearts
I'm at one with my flaws.

The years have took their toll
My hairs turning grey
I'm looking at the half broken mirror
Overwhelmed by the trappings
Of dismay.

I can't change the face
I can't change the face
Of the world

Timeless beauty
walks through the light
then starts to dance
her fists electrified with fury and might
but then she breaks
breaking.

I can't convince her to stay
in the flash
she cares more for the darkness
she's a punk rocker
with music nipping at her veins.

I want to break her stance
offer her a way out of this destruction
she's worth more than me
she's worth more than the world.

Cursing luck
And pretending to be okay
The fire in me
Is flickering, fading.

Tonight I'll drink to sorrow
And tomorrow I won't embrace
The pitiful hangover
I'll try and chase a dream
I'll fail on all fronts.

I'm a negative searcher
I want to bring down the empire
That they've built up
Those **** scavengers
That took my love.

I get it
I'm nothing more than bad seed
A chronic lover of alcohol
And a dreamer that sits alone.

I have the words
But I don't have the style
To produce a final
Closing statement.

Keep me breathing
For a little more time
Before I fall into a state of shock
Barricade off the onslaught
Of people that want to disband me
Of this chance.

Tonight I'll note
The number of times
I've felt alone
Crushed by my own dependency.

The picture of good health
Walks the streets
She's mocking me
And I just stand here
Crumbling under the sun
Melting into the chewing gum
Laced pavements.

I'm a disaster
With peace trying to get into my system
But my body rejects
Anything that is good.

I'm a pessimist
Lowering myself into hell
I used to be an opportunist
Now I see too much blackness
To uncover the light.

A bitter taste
In a blistered mouth
A harsh shot of *****
Distracts the pain
Of a broken tooth.

Today I battled with a habit
That has fabricated my intentions
It has changed my perception
Of the world I live in
And the abuse I cause myself.

She’s an engineer
Of creativity and hope
And I walk in drunk and helpless
Into her bathroom
Sick over the tiles
And then I seek more.

What kind of person am I?
A killer of all things bright and beautiful
A medicated deliverer of bad news.

The piano she plays so sweetly
And she sings a little too
I hold back the tears
And drink until my eyes can’t see.

What if I pretend to be normal?
Will others respect me?
Will they see my flaws?
And the dishonesty run with my tears.

I cry so much
I’ve crossed so many
I’ve seen so much agony
And I breathed in so much smoke
From my Mother’s cigarettes.
This is the life I lead
Damaged and broken
Corroded with mishaps and instances
That I’m not proud of.

I could deliver a speech
To her and the world
I must take time to write it
With precision and fluency
Relevance and intent.

Watch me falter
Or see me rise.

Knocking on her door
Far from immaculately dressed
Far from sober
Crying all these tears
Regretting these wasted years.

She opens up
Gnashing her teeth
Blocking me off
Tiresomely putting me in my place
I'm creating a chaotic scene
Touching nerves and trying to mask
My drunkenness.

My brain rings
And my head bangs
My mind tugs at the receptors
But receives nothing but complete
Nonsense.

I'm out of time
Out of mind
Sitting on the bench outside
Falling asleep
Barely with this world
Mocking my identity
Talking to myself
With a dry tongue.

Tears in my beer
I'm sitting here
Thoughts dancing in my head
I want to bleed out this shame.

Can't forget your face
The sudden shooting pain
Up a back that's lifted
So many burdens
You could sooth it all.

I stand up and sway
Like a tree in the wind
In this house of drunken slurs
I walk away from it
All.

I never planned for this
A deep conversation
A clash of two different personalities.

You would like to sink your teeth
Into my skin
Draw the blood
And celebrate the win.

Your eyes are cruel
A perfect match
For this dark
Crisp night.

I can't seem
To see
Any goodness in you.

I can't seem
To see
Any goodness
In this City.

I hear your screams
But I don't condone
Your harshness.

Let’s waltz
Into the light
Let the darkness
Chase us
We’re playing a game
Of hide and seek.

I love you and your bones
They’re so fragile
And I’m so stubborn
I’ll never hug you too hard.

The thread of fear
Has broken
We’re free of judgement
A twosome with fierceness
In our eyes.
The creative spark
I have in me
Has turned into fire
It will be lit forever.

I’m going praise you
Here goes
You’re such a believer
You’re such a hopeful character
A diamond in the rough
You’re like a rope
That holds our bond together.

This is a love story
That is louder than words
So we begin
Our journey
Of tranquillity.

The gruffness of my voice
as the hangover breaks in
droplets of sweat
upon my brow
I feel nasty inside
and out.

Keep my head from spinning
you're winning my spirit
piece by piece
it might be time to steal my heart
and sterilise it.

You've made my day
kept my demons at bay.

Breaking open
Nearly
Like a cocoon
My heart swells
Polluted.

Tonight I thought I saw a ghost
Then you showed up
Grasping a bottle of cheap *****
It's time to pickle our livers
I guess
The ghost can wait
To take me to the other-side.

My emotions are running like
Watery paint
Dripping like blood from a busted finger
I'm shocked into kissing you
Damaging my defences
And my heart shakes.

Focusing on the cheap wine
That craves to rot my liver
That will push me into a drunken
State of affairs
I'm bruised enough.

The taste of dry blood
In my mouth
I was hit last night
Too drunk to see sense
To make sense
To create sense.

I'm on the wrong side
Of the street
The dark place
There's light over there.

Do I see through your defenses?
Yes I do, the cracks are becoming
Colossal and your eyes are watering
I don't want emotion to bury deep
Beneath your skin
But it's happening
It's crushing you
Your magic is rubbing off
Like an eraser across a chalk board.

I want you to rise
Up and into the arms of health
And well being
But you seem to want to lie down
In your tears and a bunch of dead roses.

The world is moving
It always will
You have grab the tail
Of inspiration
And hang on to it
Forever.

I'm not your saviour
I'm just your aider
A disaster
Trying to do some good.

I want to strum your heart strings
Before it swells and explodes
Blood and chaos
Over the artistic walls.

Bring me a pill
To eradicate the mental pulse in me
Shove me around and knock out
The sound of a thousand demons
Laughing in my mind.

Stretch out for the harmony
Delete the terror
From the cellar in your head
Cough up your dreams on your hands
And place them in a bundle of love.

Create a scene
Where you can be queen
And I can be king
Ruling this land
That's blacker than the dark.

From my hand to yours
Here's the note of lyrics
That can be sung out loud
With pride bulging out.

The stars
Convince me to sin
To stand and win
The battle between me
And the tired wind.

I'm a crusader
Walking on land that is infested
With war and terror
My cracked skin is like the desert
My eyes bloodshot and barely white.

Tonight brings savagery
They all fight for their dear country
And I'm in the mix
Trapped in a pit of despair
Soaked in fear
Stuffing my hands with stones
To break the ribcage of this war
I don't want to sin anymore.

To you I write
A letter of care and thought
To you my love
I might not make it
Take it from me
This world isn't free.

Melt my heart
Princess of hope
Hold my hand
Through the alleyway
Of corruption and greed.

We see the redness on
The cheek
Of the ministry of heartlessness
With bated breath
We trust our instincts
And run for our lives.

I've never felt so alive
Running
keeping my heart intact
Powering through the dirt
And the debris
Of this desolation.

She keeps me sane
Doesn't dabble in my pain
I want to explore her more
Keep her by my side.

These morbid thoughts
Fade
This moment
Tugs my heart.

She's fiery
A flame haired dove.

She saved me.

No conviction
Or restriction
I have keys to the door
That'll let me into your dark world.

I'm ordering them to stop
Kicking and screaming
Like a baby
That's just felt the open world
For the first time.

I can't condone pain
Or misery
But I want them to see us
Splitting hurt in half.

You're the character
The justice winner
I'm just a feather weighted man
Crying in his hands.

But we can win the fight
Give me a chance to shine
To pick lock the another door
That leads us to light.

Force your way through
My defence of truth
My little overworked heart
Is beating and craves a restart.

I need you to see
That I'm a giver
I give all my energy
And my strength
But you just pass by me
Like a speeding train.

I've crushed the ice
Into the glass
With pure *****
No mixer
I'm going drink myself
Into the palms of oblivion.

I'm a man
Trying to win a heart
A heart that has rattling valves
A heart rarely composed.

Tonight I'll drink to my bitterness.

I hear my heartbeat through these
Headphones
The ones I use to blast loud music
Through my ears.

I lie in bed awake
Scrolling through a book
That educates me
With its morbid writing style
And straight to the point attitude.

I like to be awake at this time
When it's quiet and the roads are free
When the birds are asleep
When the thoughts in my head
Become pulsating.

I write at this time
As my mind becomes a little less
Corroded
And a little more free.

As I look outside my window
The street lamps shine upon the
Unholy ground
And I take a picture
With this old camera
Of that house where she used
To live.

I've never been one for loving myself
Or stretching out to anyone
I've always kept my feelings inside
Trapping them
As my world collides
With obstacles.

I lie back down
The early hours are becoming my friend.

The body
The art work
Trampled on
By feet so cold
But the feeling still there.

You're enraged
Deeply detesting
The world
And the people that draw swirls
And lap up the sounds of thunder.

You sit in that dusty room
Drunk and not coping
With the shudder
Of a broken arm
The cut on your top lip
Stinging.

The world turns
Like your stomach
You're sick and giving up
On the standards of living.

Tonight I'll bring you flowers
so vibrant they'll lighten up the darkness
that fills your room
tonight you'll change
and become an ambassador of light.

It's okay to cry
a river of tears
change is hard
when you've lived so long
amongst the clutter of books
and dust.

You see
the world is different now
the modern era
has grabbed the limelight
pushed out the oldness
and the oddness
now we live in clarity
a technological wonderland.

Bear with me
and keep your heart from gripping its valves
we're on a journey of self-discovery
never will we lose
when we have this power in our veins.

I'll write you a love song
One of grace and silky notes
I'll play this rusty guitar
And I'll sing too.

But we broke
After I wrote
That piece of lust
Now it's lying there
Forming dust.

I can't sit still
I walk around
Beating like a heart
Crying like a baby
Drinking
And disregarding the therapy
Of writing.

The days go by
The daze is stuck to me
Like an insect
Squashed on my sleeve
Poor little thing.

The streets are dying
And I'm walking aimlessly
Recklessly pushing at the heart
Of this black place
Pushing my fingers through its ribcage
I'm a disaster
Looking for some closure
Away from this horrible life.

My heart pulsates
For you
A broken-hearted traveller
A disguised heroine
With battle scars.

I hope to see us in another light
We've been trapped in darkness
For too long
Damaged and impaired
Disgusted by the world.

My heart goes out to you
And my hand stretches
It's heavy
And limp.

I'm been drunk for days
I never honoured sobriety
Since I started a whole lifetime ago
My liver itches for it, my lips ache for it.

You're a dreamer
A constant dreamer
Building fables in your head
Dancing for luck
In streets of seediness and danger.

My love
Commit to me
Commit to life
I might be drunk
But I'm with you this time.

Rage and love
Hazards and power
I'm a grafter
But I can't build us a dream just yet.

I'll drink what's cheap
I don't care about my important
Organs
Rally the sinners
Toast their stance
As worshippers of the bottle.

My knuckles are broken
Smashed on a thick wall
Enraged by it all
The arguments
The wasted breaths.

My innocence has been corrupted
For so long
I've not pushed boundaries
Or pillars
I've wrecked by ambitions
And potential.

I swear
That I thought
I saw her the other day
Walking through the alleyway
With boots that could crush the world.

This cheap wine
And this beer tide
In my stomach
Creates pain
I couldn't care less
It's a bad strain.

Love burns
like redness on skin
the hopelessness wins
my heart of sin
don't beg me to drink
your potion that's supposed
to cure my hell.

The eyes are staring
there's no starry eyes
fixated on the prize
of freedom and happiness
pain sets in
clawing at my skin.

I can't help but feel
the heaviness of the heart
in my chest covered in art
tattoos across the skin
hell creeping up on my life
tonight I'll decide if it's right
to march forward into the tide
to drown myself and my sorrows.

Dredging through beer cans
In a house of hideous memories
Barking at the clock
To move slower
As I don't want my life to perish
Just yet.

These times are hard
As I drink more to numb the pain
A pain so potent and chronic
Emotional pain that features
Demons that are melodic
As the say sing the final song.

I can't erase the injustice
I've betrayed my own self-worth
I was so optimistic
Now I'm negative
Following the trend of a drunk.

The night sky
Frightens me
I want light
So much light.

Come with me to the land of promise
Or lie there drunk and out of luck
Teetering on the brink
You were such a miracle to me.

The outside world scares you
It makes you itch
It makes you anxious
You are blinded by the sun
And reckless by the minute.

I don't know how to save you
From your own destructive ways
My armour has been pierced
And my skin begins to itch like yours.

I would walk with you through the blustery weather
To the place where people let go
Where people kiss the ground
A sacred place of harmony.

These last days have been hell
We've been drinking to the ticking
Of the clock and chiming of the church bells.

We've been mourning lost souls
And bashing our heads off of stern walls
Trying to piece together some sort of realisation.

I'm misunderstood just like you.

All alone
Digging the veins of this land
Breaking my heart as I cry out
The demons dominate
My head and I'm walking aimlessly
Circling a burnt out fire too
People lived sat here
Singing flamboyant songs of pride
And love.

I've been alone from human contact for weeks
Trapping the flies in a glass jar
They've no social appeal
But at least they're here
To dampen the sound of my
Cries.

This isn't a plea
Just a sad scorn
I'm a character
Not good enough
To enlighten a fable
But if I'm able I'll scream
Out this poem.

The days the daze
The hope can't cope
I am reflecting on this dullness
This rut
This broken energy.

I am a broken man!

I bottle it up
The pain the despair
The roses on the stair
Dying because of my lack of care
I'm a broken piece in this scene
A character with prolonged sadness
Bubbling inside his heart
And mind.

I can't believe
I've done this
Planted the seed of carnage
I'm now dancing to the tune
Of my own sickening headache.

Break me
Break me
And I'll take it
You can even mop up
My broken frame
And use the parts
To design a better man.

The pearls are so white
Like a ghastly face
She wears them so tight
To her perfumed neck.

I dance with her
To keep her happy
I'm not accustomed to glee
I'm just me.

The night comes close
Like a heart attack
We reach the empire of love
But love is not on my mind.

I want to settle my nerves
With a bottle of whiskey
And a cigarette
She hates these ***** habits.

I'll break bread with her
But I won't fall in love.

I can't see you
In my dream
I can see you in my nightmare
Scratching at the walls of my mind
Bleeding out deceit.

The stricken heart of mine
Powerless
The art of mine
Turning sour and generic.

You used to give me hope
You used ease my despair
Now you create red blotches
In the framework of my thoughts.

I learned that I might not
Have the power to control my urgent
Feelings
That I might fall into the black hole
That you've created.

The sinister happenings
The sad proceedings
The putrid smell
Of a deathly blow
A stink that quivers the nose
It all is clear now.

You are the queen of pain
Alerting your inner badness
To banish my depleting goodness
I am a man on the edge
And you've put me here.

I take a drag
And I swig a *****
Straight
Like glass cutting my throat
The effect is wonderful.

I'm a psychological wreck
Detesting the world
I feel the brushing of sorrow
Like a painting
Painted by the hand of a creative
Acid user.

I burn the paper notes
That were written in crimson
Blood from slim fingers
Blood from disgusting veins.

The black marks on the arms
The bruises from a needle
So prominent
And so sharp
Like a knife piercing the skin of a
Ripe apple.

This is a dark day
I point at the build up of hard drugs
Sitting on the bed of ***** ***
I'm a user
And I need no accuser.

You're destined to hit the right notes
With a guitar that is alive
You're destined to prosper like a queen
Of a palace of peace and soul.

I write this for you
I can't talk right now
I've not spoken in weeks
But this piece of writing
Will spark a light in you.

The guitar is graceful
Flamboyant and tuned to perfection
You're a musician with technique
You're a girl with sweet lips
And a bottle full of tears
To throw into the sea of wasted years.

Don't disarm me of my glory
It's all I have
This world has written my story
And I now must change the plot.

This plea will go unheard
And I'll be stuck in time
Preparing to unleash an almighty
Cry.

I can't disperse the crowd of flies
That zoom around my dead skin
I'm half alive
And my heart is cold.

She was the pride
The answer to my prayers
The sincerity that often gets
Swallowed by the guilt.

I'm sorry to you all
Forgive me before I fall
Into a profound nightmare
That yearns for my bones.

There lies the hope
Shattered into small intricate pieces
Left to be blown away by a strong current.

And darling you destroyed my world
Left me hanging together
Like thinning thread
Bleeding from a profound wound
Stinging to the touch.

My God I've seen so much over the years
The Black Death screaming to take me
The drunks counting their loose change
For one golden can of cheap beer
Drinking it like the thirst is undying
Like the magic is there
Inside something that leads to more
Havoc.

I rejected the chance to become a man of my word
I crawl into a hole every night
Drunk to the stars
Grasping onto a swollen envelope of love letters.

And it strikes me
I'm impure
My liver is descended in liquid
My heart is unqualified
And this haze is thicker than the mist
That powers through this town in the light of morning.

Part II

I wake to a stricken morning
A snowy wind hitting against the windows
The tress screaming out
Swaying at an almighty pace.

I swallow two painkillers
To set me up to fail
I dress my aching body
Managing not to break bones.

I take a drink of cheap wine
Nasty on the tongue
Deeply putrid
I think it might be off
Swimming in dirtiness
Curdling my uneasy gut.

My hands are dry
My beard is itchy
My life is swollen like a abscess
Ready to release ****.

The TV blares out politics
I scorn the man
Spitting his woes
His laughable thoughts
His damaged world
For all to **** on.

I go through old boxes
Of pictures
And letters
Stacked up like a small skyscraper
I look at her angelic eyes
Her enchanting face.

I can't leave her to rot in a box

I place the picture as a centrepiece
For me to look at when I'm feeling

Tired of living.

Forget me my darling
As I try to resolve the situation
My hands are shaking
My mind is needy
I hope to live for one more minute or so
To see you leave with a smile upon your face.

The bottle stared me down
I smashed it upon a stone
I almost cut through my arms
To feel the pain and the blood trickle
But I refrained and cried a little.

You see
I’m losing it all
I’m incomplete
Broken to the core
Trying my utmost
To turn it all around.

My prayers go unheard
They’re focused on her
More so that God
Will I be struck down?

The answer to your question
Is yes
I’m unwilling
And fear ridden.

Make me a drink
Grab me a lover
Sentence me to life
In their arms.

I’m not the cause of all my problems
She left me boiling in the summer sun
Dry in the mouth
Dry on the mind.

I’ll commit to the life
I’ve been given
Just give me another drink
From the fountain of my poison.

The Foundations Of Love.

Tonight we face the biggest fear
They have taken her through
To the immaculate room
Where wires and beeping noises
Become interconnected.

There’s no silence deep enough to count
There’s conversations of a complex nature
People flap like birds, and the space,
Starts to fill up and human spirit falls.

The beeps soar into louder frequencies
We’re scared, rooted to the ground,
Our legs won’t move, our hearts pulsate,
Our dreams begin to fade into a grey
Thicker than smoke from the industrial wasteland.

Empty shells, we’ve become hollowed out mannequins, with no feeling left,
To pull the sheets over our faces
To stop this scene from freezing our souls.

The light confirms that we’re frozen
To the middle of this room
The beeps fade, and we’re seeing pictures of her, moving close to the frame, and her tiny fingers smudge the glass.

This isn’t a dream
It’s what a fever does to you
We’re sick, but she’s critical,
Holding onto the world
The foundations of love.

We disband from each other
Our eyes open
And the beeping sound comes in force,
She’s alive, sinking back into a life,
She’s frail, her optimism drawn from times of great strength.

They stand back, and the light outweighs the greyness,

‘’ She’s alive, and you’re back in the room’’

If they could bottle my mind
It would explode an incoming tide
If they could slaughter my pride
I would die tonight.

Cigarette burns on my jeans
Coffee and whiskey stains on my lips
Burrowed drunken tendencies
Making me do things I regret
From fighting sleep to breaking noses
And deadly plunges into despair.

I know I have to withstand
Refrain from frightening myself again
Near death experiences have become the norm
I'm a morbid thinker anyway
Deeply trying to find a sense of harmony
A melody in a disjointed song.

Memories are of hazy days
Drinking and scratching walls
Waiting for them to bleed
But my fingers do so
Painfully spilling crimson
Over immaculate floors.

I seek redemption and a upscaled life
Full of blooming flower pots
And love
I seek energy so I can run a marathon
To the other side of this world
Grasping onto my heart as I do so
Keeping my guts intact.

My funeral should be empty
I don't know anyone who would want to sit through it
I'm ain't charming or socially acceptable
So why would they want to read out an eulogy of warmth for me?

And onto love I go
Trying to capture the essence of it
Preaching to God about it
Manipulating its strain
Offering it to strangers who drink with me
Because they feel sorry for me.

And then I wake up to a groggy feeling
A taste so dire
I would rather drink my own ****
And tell all my secrets
To the world.

Marry my good side
And shatter my bad side
Empty pride into a cup of ***** laced orange juice
And drink up
It may sting
It may make you sick
But it'll burn your throat
And your dreams away.

I was once a dashing prince
In my own castle
In my mind
I was a man of power
Of glory and hope
But truthfully I look like a corpse
Dragged through a gutter
With snapped tendons in my hands.

I sit it in this club for hours
Drinking straight up whiskey
Ordering so many that I'll be dead
Before it's all drunk
And then she appears in front of me
Beautiful in an organic kind of way
Deeply rooted in elegance.

It must be an illusion
No one this well rounded would want to speak to my washed up self
But she does speak
Offering me advice
On how to live a stable life.

I listen carefully
To her words
She's creative
Like a wordsmith
A dream catcher
A painter of a scene.

She grabs my glass and throws it at the wall
She takes my hand
And tells me I won't fall
She orders me to drink coffee
Enough to waken my soul.

She saved me from myself
A princess of the night
A girl draped in white.

In this apartment I sit
With her head on my lap
She sleeps, snores even
But it drowns the voices in my head.

The TV show is glitzy and fake
Lovers kissing at every take
Their optimism sickening to watch
Their eyes have never seen hurt
Or death
Or knife wounds.

I grab a cigarette
I smoke it to the end
I drink a beer
I drink it to the end
This pattern only points to one outcome
Oblivion.

She wakes
Kissing me on the cheek
Whispering
'Let's ****' in my ear
With haste I jump up
And scream
You cheated on me
Why would I?

I think the rats heard me
As they scampered into the crevices
Hiding away as my wrath begins to widen.

She sits back and takes it
Looking on at me with bloodshot eyes
And a smirk.

She grabs her stuff
And leaves me to cascade into despair
Another beer will be drunk
Another piece of love broken by a deceit.

Paper thin walls will reveal the truth
The pills will disconnect us from the world
Our hands are dry and weak
We can barely carry the bottle
Of wine to the end point
At the edge of oblivion.

We forget the days
As we find ourselves captured in a daze
Unwanted memories
Burden us
We need holy water to wash away
Our sins.

Coping is difficult
When the world shuts us down
When we’re disenchanted
Neglected by the powers at be
We’re harshly underrated
Understated.

Forgiving these *******
Is going to take guts and reason
We don’t want to forgive and forget
We want to walk through the flurry
Of skepticism
Alive and well.

We’re junkies
Latching onto society
Like leeches
But we want change
We want to correct what we’ve done
Burst from these cocoons of strain.

My father taught me to believe
It’s hard to
It’s difficult to mould a direction
Which is smooth  
And untangled.

But we can honour our strengths
Surrender when we need to
But never give into politics
Never feed the system.

Forgive me for drinking all of our wine
I was hooked on misery, inside a bubble of complacency,
Running from my own demons, sinking deeply into ruin,
Exerting my heart for once, I’m now breathing with difficulty,
Catching a common cold.
You deserve more
A better man
A traveller who is cultured
Who loves everything you say and seek?
But I can’t dictate your feelings
Why should I?
I’m not in your head or fondling with your thoughts.
My oblivion is rooted
I search for clarity
All I find is blurry lines
I try to master breaking the habit
All I do is drink more
And become expressionless
Anti-social and unforgivable.
You were my escape artist
Sneaking out at night
Playing with fire
Saluting the flames
Like bands of brothers
And I would lie there
On a cut up mattress
Sinking enough painkillers to **** the agony.
This thirst
Prolonging the pain
I hate water
Only wine will help
Only ***** burns.
Silence is golden
When you are used to it
I prefer blaring TV sets
And people talking about realism
And sobriety
But I’m such a hypocrite.
You fall into the doorway
Drunk and drugged to the heavens
Boring me with sob stories
And grievances.
I strive for better days
But we sink profoundly into a daze
So potent
So strong
So ******.

The storm is coming
A crash, a tornado to rip through
Our shaking bodies
And we still grasp onto the the thin
Fabric of companionship.

I wish we could silence the noises,
The cutting voices, the blunt answers, the rasping chants,
And rediscover normal conversations.

Hurt has toppled us
Rippled through our life’s
In this room Armageddon begins to
Take shape
Rallying its demonstration of destruction.

Love burns at this moment in time
Nothing can halt it from flaking into
Nothingness
It was our cure, ever so pure.

The sun is setting on our dreams
Seeking redemption for the faults we created is unreachable
We can’t just perish?

This isn’t a call for forgiveness
Or a chance to stake a claim
It’s a war story...

I need a spark of truth
A doting girl to establish love again
In my world of cutting pain
A pain that embeds and does not subside
An agony twisting and turning.

I feel your pain too
A double dose, a double shot,
I feel your anger, your rage,
The words you put on the crumpled page.

The daze I find myself occupying
Helps me to eradicate unwanted thoughts
Which used to play out in a sequence of brutal events
Where ghosts fight with tyrants, and angels fight with hellfire,
My mind is a messy affair, dusty but clear enough to hurt me.

You are observing my destruction, the world’s destruction,
It is all coming down, crumbling on our unhealthy cognitions,
Dreams are too far gone, love is stuck in a capsule of misery,
And the hope list is haemorrhaging ink.

We are truly dying.

I paint sunsets on walls
To cover the blood of old
And tiny handprints.

Forward a day
And the sunset outside
Rises up and the radiance is beautiful
A natural embrace.

For me,
The darkness has not faded
It is there, embedded in my head,
Covering the dreams that had light.

And he left,
Disgraced and demoralized by his actions,
He spoke in his nightmares
Screaming too,
About the past and demons.

My heart had been shaken
By alarming instances
When the shades were pulled shut
And the blood rushed to my head.

I was down on my luck
Penniless and scorned by society
Outnumbered by tainted people.

Those days are still instilled in me
Snapshots of misery.