He painted it red

And he’s starting to pray

Had things stayed the same

It wouldn’t have been this way


He sits in the bar

And stares at the monitor

Searching through the screen

Remembers to forget her.


With a hole in his heart

And a head full of liquor

He heads out the door,

Knowing nothing for sure


Speeding down the street

With windows drawn down

Suddenly he smiles

He's going to leave town.


Away with the wind

He flies past the road

There's no way of knowing

How far he could go


He painted it red

And he’s starting to pray

Had things stayed the same

It wouldn’t have been this way

I call
For the sky to fall
And I see
Angels of mystery

Raging down to me
Send me to my knees
Send me to my knees

They said
All the world was dead
And They said
The heart was made to be bled
Out…

Bring down to earth
Bring my spirits three
I will
Truly make you see
Me…

Why did you leave so abruptly in the middle of the night? Did you think I wouldn't notice you slip away like that? You left without so much as a note on my pillow. I'm hurt.
I can't think straight without you. People say I get a little (very) cranky whenever you leave like this. I become delirious. And no matter what I try, my mind just wanders back to thoughts of you. Truth be told, I need you too much to lose you again. Please come back tonight.
I'll straighten up the place. I'll make the bed. We can just talk if you'd like. I don't mean to sound dramatic, but I can't live without you. Believe me, I've tried. Medication, teas, therapy. Nothing worked to clear my head. You did.
I invite you lovingly, to come back into my open arms. My eyes will probably be a bit puffy and half-opened when you get back. Just don't be surprised when I sigh with relief at the sight of you.

Love,

Someone Who Misses You Dearly

Flowing blue and
Majestic purple flecked with a
Staccato of yellow, marked by the
Adagio of green and
Accented silver

Caesura.

Dolce is the rosa and lapis that
Crescendo into
Fortissimo red and a
Vivace of cerulean --

Sforzando of orange!

Decrescendo into emerald, a
Morendo into the dark
Grazioso, where rests a
Fermata of rainbow.

At least this is what I see
On the black and white
Sheet of paper.

Paper hats and cigarettes
Marlboro Reds and french fries
Long road trips with windows down
Let the smoke get into your eyes

Bathroom stops at old school shops
With that filter snub in your hand
One more drag and that is that
If only, wouldn’t that be grand?

Oh, no matter what, how much I try
Is it worth the tears that I spill?
See embers glow cherry-red
You know those **** things ****.

I see you turn your head to
Take another poisoned draw
“I’ll be done, real soon” he says
It was his tragic flaw

For a real long while I was just a child
I could barely tie my own shoes.
But that was then and this is now
No exception and no excuse

Oh, no matter what, how much I tried
Was it worth the tears that I spilled?
See embers glowin’cherry-red
You knew those **** things killed.

Paper hats and cigarettes.
Marlboro Reds and French fries
I hope you see how I grew up
With the blackened tears I now cry

Her beauty is her power.
Like a shield she does wield
Enchant you. Romance you.
Turn you to a marble god

And there you will stay
Slowly chipping away
In time soon passing
Fade away, yes you pray.

And you long to hear
With your one good ear
Her silky soft voice
Just once more. One more time...
But it's not your choice.

But she left you for dead
With these empty wishes
Inside your head
Dreaming of kisses, dreaming of them
So  sweet. So tender.

See her no more.
Though her shapes are many
Voluptuous and sweet
Is the one you adore

Oh what you would give
Just to see her once more
The rich life you live
Without her is poor

She lives in myth
And you will see her, no more.
She's gone.
Fade away, she's gone.

I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since it happened. But
every time I do, I can’t help but smile.
One of those goofy, far-off smiles that make people think something is wrong with you.

Until you snap back to reality.

I don’t know how, or why it occurred, but it did.
And I must say, I’m glad.
Because I’m still grinning stupidly.

A penny for your thoughts
A dollar for your soul
Few more shining pieces
And now we're on a roll.

The world which runs
on paper and coin,
Be it for food, or house
Pleasure of ****.

We sell our bodies,
And not our souls
Though some sales will
Be worth more than gold

It's the world we choose.
The world we thrive in.
The world we'll lose
If we keep on lying.

Shiny bobbles and trinkets
Do not measure what lies within
To ignore this fact
Indeed would be sin

Everything must be done perfectly.
Not to upset anyone else.
They have to have their way,
Or else it will disrupt the balance of peace.
Lucky for me,

I can get the fingers pointed at me,
I am allowed to be scolded for mistakes.
And I get to be the central reason for family meetings.
I can do all these things,

But I am not allowed to show my appreciation for it.

I cannot shout about it
I don’t get to go out and clear my head
I am forbidden to throw fists at inanimate objects.

But most of all, I cannot let them
See or hear that I am angry
I just have to sit there and take the anger.

I am allowed to leave the room however.
I can stay quiet and let it all bottle up inside
I can’t make noise, but I can bite my own fist
To keep my teeth from clenching.
I get to make myself sick over it,
And tell no one that I am so.

I get to put on a paper-thin mask;
A clean slate of nothingness.
I can walk around wearing that
So long as nobody stirs the surface.
Or it will ripple like water,
And tear into the face behind it
Revealing the pain, still fresh from before.

Call me self-centered,
But I don’t want to follow
Those rules anymore.

I step out of the shower as
Steam rises off of my cold wet body.

Standing there. Naked.
I catch my own reflection in the mirror.
I feel shy, almost embarrassed.
This is who I am.

I dress in the soft white towel from the rack.
Feeling slightly warmer already.

Next are the undergarments.
Perhaps today is the day.
It will happen soon enough.
Just wishing I’d feel the same as before.

Jeans and a light cotton shirt today.
I laugh, remembering what he said
In class the other day.
Maybe I was that clever too.

Sweater.
Now I’m in the middle.
Directing the whole video now.
Still wanting to be in that towel.

Reach for the coat.
Now, I am untouchable.
No one can understand
The possibilities of my mind.
I can’t let them.

And out the door, I go dressed as such.

I’m writing to you because
I don’t know what else to do.
It’s been a while since we’ve had a
heart-to-higher power talk.
I know.

I’m actually ashamed I never came to you sooner.
I tried to make the call,
I’ve just been so busy lately.
Well. Maybe the busy part isn’t
All that true.

But I am glad you could make time
For me to explain all of this
It really helps that you can listen
Without judging me the way
The rest of us do.

I just feel so lost in the dark,
All the time, it seems.
I need help and
You’re the only one I can turn to.
I don’t understand any of it.

Will everything go back to normal?
Can I get through with success?
What if I fail?
What if something goes wrong?
What would your Son do?
What should I do?

I know I need to give you
Some time to answer
And it may not even be the one I want.
But I know what’s right.
After all, you do work
In mysterious ways.

Well, before I sign off,
I just wanted to say
Thanks for being there.
Always.

Is in the shower.
Curtained off, it's the one room that actually
Washes away the pains from your face.
Salty, bitter drops of time spent unwisely,
Fall down to the drain at your feet.
Disappear.

Cut off from everyone else
Surrounded by those who would listen,
Protect you from being heard.
They softly plink against the glass and your body just the same.
There is no judgment here. No.
Not in this room.

And that's what comforts you the most.
That this imaginary room is the one place you can let it all out.
Spill your darkest secrets to the linoleum
Knowing it will only echo your thoughts.

Not loud enough for anyone to hear
Over the rushing water.
No. You're safe there.
And that's why.

The reason you are able to come out of it all
Looking as if nothing had ever happened.
Knowing that,
Once you step out of the warmth and into the cold air
Into the bigger room,

No one will ever know
That you secretly cry.

Every time you call my name,

I grow stronger, my heart beats again.

That’s when I think of you

And I swear I can fly.

But you never call.

And I never asked why.

So much anger

And pent up pain

You'd think can

Make you strong again



To turn the one you hate

Into a less-than-mental state

Of a fragile mind

Broken twice too many times



"****" that and "Shove" this

Are the choice beginnings blis-

tering into the scorch of

The scorned Sir or Miss



Even though a simple

"Go to hell" would suffice.




Them, I speak of now

For they always somehow

Manage to get by

And heal, in due time.

I like your thoughts
If I could kiss your words I would.
I love who you are.
But if I ever let you know
If you ever find out,
I immediately begin to run.

Away. Farther away

Just enough that you forget
What it was originally about
Don't worry, I will return
But only if everything ended
Where I left you off.

Where it all began.

A clean, but old and worn, slate.
The dance that only I know how to do
And you will never be able to learn.
The reason I liked you first of all.

And so, it begins once more.

Carpet.
Wood finish.
Asphalt.
Concrete.
Tile.
Grass.
Earth.

Never thought they would
disappear from underneath everything.
Guess they just got tired of being stepped on
Over. And over. And over again.

Wearing thin from no rest
And no thanks.
Just lay there and be taken for granted.
Be still so the rest can walk all over
Without care.

Crack under stress
Decay with age
And don’t ever complain about
A **** thing.
Because no one will listen.

So here the above-ground-world
Lies in the dark cold of space
Wandering aimlessly through the
Nothingness
All because of a lack of courtesy.

Well tough break everyone.
Thanks for nothing, and in return
That’s what you get.

It’s hard to believe
6 years have passed.

It’s difficult to comprehend
The feelings that you
Harbored in your heart
Are still alive

In the chamber of the Russian.
Eager to touch my skin
Just wishing to cut through
To where my soul resides,

In pieces as it may be.
There, these feelings,
Yearn to caress the forbidden
Flesh of the heart.

Just longing for a taste.
An eternity of waiting.
Suffering through patience.
Can practically hear the demons.

And with a sudden
spark of light and smoke,
Everything becomes black.
Then it’s over.

6 years of being starved in the dark
Will do that to you.

Pictures.

Photographs.

What I don’t understand

Is why we never took any together.

I took some of you.

Hundreds of you.

But you never wanted to

See my 2D face on a rainy day

Away from home. Did you?

What I don’t understand is that

I am nothing like the others

You have had before.

I am above and beyond

What any person could want

In another simple human being.

But that isn’t what you wanted.

Is it?

Let’s see.

All of your past experiences

Have been somewhat the same.

Exactly the same, in fact.

They all Spoke the same.

Acted out the same.

Treated you the same.

And when you came running back

To me for advice

You ran into my arms

And crawled up onto

My chest to make the

Pain go away. Again.

But when it was my turn

To fill in those A typical shoes

You gave them all to wear,

You couldn’t be unhappier.

I’m not what you expected,

Was I?

Even though we’d known each other

For years on end

Back to back

Shoulder to shoulder

And you still never

Figured me out.

Fair enough.

I thought I knew you too.

But hey, who’s fooling who now?

I don’t know.

You tell me.

I just wish you

Would have told me sooner.

If I were a book,
I’d be a cheap thriller
Worthy enough to pick up quickly
And put down all the same

If I were some sort of sweet,
You’d swear it couldn’t get any better.
Upon your lips,
You wouldn’t find one as *******.

If I were a drink,
Without me, surely you’d
Die of an unquenchable thirst
For more.

If I were a light bulb
Halogen it would be.
Bright as the sun
With an everlasting source

If I were an animal,
I’d be endangered.
Close to extinction.

The rare beauty
That everyone wants
On their mantle

I often go to those who like what they can touch
Who love only my backside in the firelight
And ask for my hand in what
Should be a matrimonial experience

I write when I should study
I read when I should play
I will always live for no one.
Such is my day.

Then go ask the long-tongued liar.

You may not get the answer you're looking for,
but I guarantee the story will be great.
He'll ***** with your head,
bend your mind into shapes
you can't even begin to imagine.

He will lead you through the door.
Like the poor lamb to slaughter.
He has the creativity to
send you on a perilous journey
for nothing in particular.

But cursed of all,
he can make you think
that he was right.
And you were wrong
for the entire time.

Be warned.
He is no gentleman
when it comes to
head games and mind tricks.

His hands, you
will easily slip through.
And you will not be able to
crawl back if what he said
was true.

The question is,
can you keep up with
his racing trains of thought?

to the ******* who stole my phone...

May you rot in pieces
but not before you trip over your own foot and stumble upon a chunk of uprooted sidewalk falling face-first into a vat of honey, and after pulling yourself out find your eyes blind and fumble-walk backwards into pit of hungry/angry/frenzied Red Fire ants that will devour you painfully and slowly stinging every millimeter of your body/mind/soul until all that is left are the undesired bones of yours that shan't be buried but left to rot, as I said before, in pieces.

Or you can just return my phone to me.

Thank you.

If the sun also rises,
Only then does time control what
He is destined to do, one who
Knew the course of the future while
Me, a confused child stood by, watching

Feel the warmth.
And share none of it with the rest of the world.
Embrace it and run with it.
Schemes are no match for the flaming tempest.
Here it moves like a holy fire from within.
Lighting up everything in its destructive path,
yet it leaves behind a much better result.
Coursing through veins of the Animal,
It only makes the creature stronger
against the inevitable forlorn.
Given the willpower,
It may crush me in its path.
I hope it does.

Flowing black gossamer
Lays thin over a
Well-worn life.
Today is a beautiful one.

Gliding past the street lamps
As they flicker in the presence.
Shapely figures dance
Across the breast to
A soft ballad from above.
Tonight is one to remember.

Brushing strands of corn
Silk from tired eyes.
They glitter with the
Desirable Flame.
Tomorrow will never be forgotten.

Reach for the stars
From the ground below
Earthen creations.
As the dust settles from
Labor, so shall it soon
Dissipate.
Nothing, is forever.

Every time you call my name,
I grow stronger, my heart beats again.
That’s when I think of you
And I swear I can fly.
But you never call
And I never ask why.

Slipping into tragic routine,
Always a different same old thing.
I can feel the hole in my chest
Deepening, getting larger, at best.
Every time it goes to mail.
I shed another tear, but to what ail?

Every time you call my name,
I grow stronger, my heart beats again.
That’s when I think of you
And I swear I can fly.
But you never call
And I never ask why.

And I bought a sound bite, just for you
Though I never hear it ever come through
What a waste of time, money, and space
Well I’m through with you now, so stay out of my face.
I’m tired of the games our time is done
And for what it’s worth, you were never any fun

Every time you call my name,
I grow stronger, my heart beats again.
That’s when I think of you
And I swear I can fly.
But you never called
And I never asked why.

Cannot be tempted.
Believe it is impossible, simply
Because it is the truth.

Try all you want,
She will not bend to your ways
Or sway to your will.
            Give up.
Hope is lost for your cause.

The Woman cannot be
tamed
captured
rung
restrained.

She is the purple smoke you
And your bare hands will never catch.
That luscious mirage of water, just off in the distance.
But no matter how fast you run,
No matter how far you go,
You will never get it.

Just like her.

Oh, yes you may think you have won
When she turns to look your way,
But be advised.
It is only because she sees new game afoot.
Something to entertain her,
If only for a short while.

Be thankful when that time comes.

She will be done with you
sooner than you think.
And when she does so,
Don’t expect to see her again.

Just remember the time she generously gave you
And the shape of her body as she walks away.

Before the frilly speeches begin
Before the readily prepared tears fall,
Before everyone gets into that mood of melancholy,
Let me be the one to tell you.

It was never supposed to be this way.

I never meant for this
To happen to you.
Ever.
Sorry will most definitely

Not cover it this time.
And I did not accept
The responsibility
I know that.

But the truth is,
You weren’t ready
And neither was I
Our lives would not

Have gotten much farther
Than merely the beginning.
And we would have lived
Miserably in Limbo.

Where you are now.

I was fine
Until she asked
If I wanted you to
Come back some other time.

And that tore me to pieces

I promise you,
I can and will
Give you a better opportunity
When I am able to

We both will.
I promise you
Nothing less than that.
I just wish I knew your name.

You had the greatest

Absolutely awesome

Most incredibly ingenius

Idea in the entire world,






And it fell through every time?

I want you.
It’s true.
And you know because
I’m not much of a liar

I want you
Oh, yes I do.
To think it would be
So bad for desire

To take over my body
And give it all to you
To forsake what I once
Knew to be absolutely true

Just make the clock stop
On its face, and nail me
With your sweet embrace
To the wall.

Clawing through the jungle
That is my mind
Come bring me through
To my bedroom and we’ll make time

For precious simple moments
Of pleasure purely passion,
Forget your cares they’re in the air
It’s why the waves come crashin’

Down. Over me
My body shining cold
Your hands are all I need
To keep from growing old

Just want me.
The way I want you too
Just want me.
You know I need you.

Please hold me.
Please touch me

The way you used to.

Glad it's over.
Now just fearful of what's to come.
I tried so many times
To bring what should have
already been there.
Without much success. Naturally.

So I left.

Just got up and walked away from it all.
Of course I know what I left behind.
It's still there actually.
I think.
I hope.
I don't know.

But I ran the second time.
The second time, my heart pounded
Into my throat and up
Through my mouth.
All I could let out was a
Whisper, wanting so badly to
Be able to Speak
To be able to Sing.
scream.

To let it be known.
Just let it be.

Plastic Sound 01/01/13

He left me a message
That I deleted anyways
She had always feared
That he would go astray

He never did anything
That’s what she liked about him
But he never did anything
That’s what the problem was

He always kept a distance
That she could only see from afar
He always had her on his mind
But only at the bottom of the jar.

Two rings of solid gold
Set together in harmony as
Flecked orange flame
Upholds them.
Soft brown quiets into
Black night
Wherein lies the single
Sparkle of Life.
The life of another very
Loved one.

She is mine and
I am hers.
Forever my best friend.

Don't try to lie to yourself.
Or others.
You always knew the truth
Was only a half white.

The rest was dark magic.

It's the reason some of us
Can rise so difficultly to the top.
While we watch the others burn.
Without so much as a wave goodbye.

It's why talk is cheap.
And everything else costs you dearly.

Oh yes, it is a pretty,
And supposed rarity among most.

Just remember,
When you bring your wordless face
To the final count,
To make sure that you, yourself

Didn't get gypped.

How many ways can I say, “I miss you”
without sounding like a needy loser?
I want to call you and tell you I love you.
Even though I’ll probably just end up asking about your day.

There’s a wall I can’t break through.
Not without hurting you.
Am I obsessive?
Am I compulsive?
Am I crazy?

I love you.

There, I said it.
Really.
You don’t know how
Long I’ve wanted to.
I was scared to lose you.

But now you’re gone
And I’m still here.
In tears.
Behind a pair
Of shades darkly clear.

From the next car,
It just looks like
I’m distant.
When really, I’m
Thinking of you.


I used to think
Heart break was just a word
But in all truth,
Nothing hurts worse.

The hole is just a gaping
Wound in my chest
Right where my heart
Used to be.

It was painless when
I gave it to you.
But now that you don’t want it,
I can’t bear to see it waste
Away.

You know I don’t
Cry very easily
So why can’t I stop
These streams down my face?

I didn’t know
Crying a river
Was possible.
Even in the slightest.

My mind is like the ocean
And I’m drowning in
My own thoughts
Because I forgot how to swim
Pathetic, indeed.

I made a mix tape of
Songs I don’t listen to.
It seems so stupid
But they remind me of you.

My mind is running in circles
And I’m going nowhere fast
I can’t change your mind
Once the die is cast

I could write a novel for you
About how happy we should be
And you in turn, would do
Absolutely nothing for me.

This poem *****.