I'll look long enough
In hope you'll get the hint
Cause I've witnessed a whole other world
But never released it
I swear I was gonna tell you
Until I was caught off guard
I swear I was gonna show you
Until we got cut short

Dont look up love,
You might see it in my eye
That everyday I wake alone
Is every day I live a lie.

Take this paper heart
Fold it into flying form
Bend its edges
Flatten its creases
Take me apart
After times of begging for mercy
  Pain becomes admissible
I've loved the darkness since it took my half
I've slept in chaos since it took my head
Now I'm leaning in any way a stranger suggests
Every direction feels a little more comfortable than the last

What do you gain when you've got nothing to lose
Where do you go when you've got no mountain to move

"Oh God"
I think
Now I miss you.
That's the first step you know, to ******* heartbreak.
******.
Nothing ever feels completely mine , and you especially will tell my heart to put that to the test.
But no. You know what? No more experiments. The conclusion is too much, the variables are too abundant

You waited until you could see the whites of my eye
You let me drag that far
So you could aim clearly and unmistakeably hit me cold flat in the heart

Now are you satisfied that I burned all of my passion  
Just to be belittled once I reached the top?
And does it make you feel better that you only used one bullet
Barely broke a sweat
To rip me of any hope I've ever had

I don’t have thoughts about you.

I have thoughts about myself through your eyes.
Always.


Because I know exactly what’d they be impressed with, what they’d hate so much yet, fall deeply in love with.


Until now

It’s different.
Different isn’t even a word.
No word is a word, and no thought is a thought, and no symbol is anything of symbolic texture.
You are not you and I not I.

This is too real to be in a form of reality

I only tighten my throat and bite my teeth
My toes curl and my stomach pulses but tears remain immune to gravity
resting in the space behind my eyes

So without tears there's no proof.
No cold detail of how much I need you

Every part of everything I've ever felt lies in the isolation of the sparkled eye
Yet- how do you untrain a heart thats lived its whole life teaching it's outside to lie

You're the type of thought that I hide from my mind because it hurts to think about

I don't want to be tamed
;rather urged to take every wild piece and put together some unsolvable puzzle

I used to be so happy
I made everyone around me feel welcome
Now every word I breath births a problem
Every action results in the opposite of my intention

He's looking at me in that way again
For a while he wouldn't look at me at all
But now
I feel his glance, from the shadowy blinks of his too-blonde-to-see eyelashes
And I hope he tastes the regret on his tounge

I take big steps
;because I can
My lover that knew me whole
Now knows me not at all
And I crave to be that torture

i'm getting better and better at being heartbroken

now, when my heart starts to shake
i hold it tightly
that way there's no room for heavy breathing

In the morning you expect the smell of breakfast
You can almost taste the scent of it from your dreams
But then you stumble out of bed and hobble up the steps to see everyone in the house still fast asleep.
You think about grabbing a book and a hot cup of coffee, the thought of that sounds warm and inviting
But then you do and the feeling isn't there
By noon everyone's awake and rushing to get out the door
You're not quite ready and the whole house is filled with tight throats
Now it's afternoon
You ate
You talked
Never actually saying anything worth it's air
And on the car ride home you forgot it was even a holiday
Everything you thought about doing that night didn't sound right once you went through the motions  of it in your head
So you sit with a pen and a paper
And explain what a coward you are to have wasted such a beautiful day

"Has your heart ever been broken?"

No.

Its never been fixed

I really want to hear someone’s voice
I’m not sure if it could be anyone or if I need it to be you

Who the hell are “you” anyway.

That maze on the surface of your brain
--I'd like to get lost in it

Was there ever a moment
That my breathing set the rhythm of your heart
That the separating of my lips slowed in motion, all you dreamed of the night before

Was there ever a piece of me that you fell short of- a fantasy you failed to fulfill
Because for me there was,
  But like you, i do not make that clear

I might just keep ya around for a while
So you fall in love and out of style

Why is it that I can't connect to anything
Why is it that I can hear my lungs pumping in my head
What made me numb to every bit of interest in anything that looks me in the eye

I long only for a rock in the sky

I want to explore you; steal a part of your mind
And make you burn with passion

Does the moon stay out all day?
And blend in with the sky
Makes me wonder what else is here
But only noticed in the night
To you I was the moon
Beautiful at times
But otherwise forgotten
Until the sun when to sleep
Then I was your savior, your admiration, your everything.
But momentary bliss is a world of endless suffering

The absence of you is
My loss
And the presence of you is
My loss
Because whether you're with me or not
You're never mine

So desperate
For color
So desperate for a reaction
Tears came easier
With color
So deeply stuck under skin
At last with final breaths she picked up the lines that let her cry
The one thing that allowed release
And Color spilled
Their final piece

I can't even remember what I thought about before you
Perhaps I didn't think- just lived
That's a beautiful way to be isn't it?
To be alive
And not worry why

I'm not even satisfied with the idea of being satisfied

You would be good for me
And I think that's the problem