i'm awfully
sensual
for someone who knows
nothing
about senses

if i close my eyes long enough
they start to water
but when the tears clear
so does my mind
and i can see, as clearly as the bright may sunshine,


nothing.

and he will fill up the word "love"

with everything he's ever known
and everything he's ever seen
and everything he's ever wanted

and he  will give it all to you

it will tumble out of his mouth
alcohol pushing each word into the cold air
where they will linger on small white clouds
"****" he'll mumble into the receiver
and he'll wait for you to hang up

your mouth will curl up
and you'll tell him
shut up, get home, you're drunk
but although your hands will be cold and damp
your heart, for the first time,

will be warm.

i always pretend i don't see the tears welling in your sad eyes
when we have painful discussions
about the people we love most and how they hate themselves and the world around them

but i do.

lets make pancakes

and watch cartoons

and have a superficial understanding of one another while we are temporarily intoxicated with infatuation and never speak to each other again after this summer's brief romance.

if it is suggested to me one more time
that my self-worth
is defined by
• my weight
• how attractive i am
• my ability to be submissive and agreeable
i will unleash
in all her feminist glory
my inner warrior princess
and she will rip your soul out
and spit on it.

tired of choosing between
my happiness and sanity
or
grades