i'm told that heaven
is a city made of gold
with pearly gates
and brilliant light,
but i couldn't care less
if it's crystal clear
or blanketed with fog

i just hope
heaven is a place
where i can kiss your soul,
capture a clip
of that radiant smile
and play it back in the sky
forever

it’s difficult
to romanticize the past
or even
remember it as
genuine
when i keep discovering
more and more each day
that everything
you said,
and everything you
promised,
and everything
i thought was true,
was not.

you hurt me
you are the moon that controls
the tides of my eyes

you are a dark moon
with thousands of craters,
thousands of imperfections

i have imperfections too,
but the difference is:
i think you hate me while
i love you

i can’t describe the feelings i get
the day after a rainstorm
or when the sun sets early
in the winter

happiness and sadness
are easy to recognize,
but sometimes i have emotions
that i cannot identify

like how i feel
about you

hope is beautiful
and can be destructive
at the same time
it keeps us hanging on,
but sometimes
for things
that will never come

I remember sitting in some basement at 10:58 on a random summer night
I remember how the movie we watched wasn't very scary
I remember we both pretended it was so we had an excuse to cuddle together
I remember long nights dreaming about you and I together
I remember how seconds felt like hours staring into your eyes
I remember standing together at one in the morning
I remember how the car broke down, and we were both oh so chilly
I remember the feel of your breath on my neck as we stood together
I remember explaining the next day how we were just friends
I remember a time before all I could think was I love you
I remember being scared you wouldn't feel the same way
I remember waking up next to you
I remember wishing we were old enough to wake up together every day
I remember long looks, quick smiles, bad jokes, sweaty hands
I remember shared drinks, borrowed clothes, tight hugs, your laugh
I forget when it was exactly that I fell in love with you
But I know that ever since, nothing was the same