i now rest in the same fetal shape but i press my left bust to my pillow, arch my neck and jaw on my curled left hand, lull my shoulder on my plaid pillow and release my lower body, i think I'm trying to stop feeling my heart beat again and again and again. it raps to quickly, no matter where I am. i always feel like rhyming to it, grooving to it, pressing my hand to my unsteady chest and creating stupid poems to it, i'd like to see you try to dance to them, your lost feet stomping to its silly beats...i once watched a leaf fall to the ground and fly away like a bird as i approached it.
i once made a leaf pick up and leave me.
isn't that a silly thought for a silly girl to have on a silly, silly day like today

you're starting to hate me
just like everyone else.

•i think they call that desire or lust or love or some semblance of it all combined beneath the underbelly of my pet, bleached whale.

•you only hurt when you bleed; i used bleed to hurt. a solemn past that numbs me into a governed silence.

•once upon a time...i saw you see me first. i should start forgetting that before it becomes a tail I wag in my own puppy-young's face.

I broke my heart so that I could glue you into the middle of me,
right where I
start
bleeding.