What does happy look like?

I'm doing
better
than I
did.

I did do
better
then I
am.

it's six
and i'm still
swiggin'-
where've
I gone
wrong

we only ever call God's name in vain.
everyone's just killing themselves
around here, and I'm just cursing
his name and the choir's just singing hymns
of his blessing in intermission and I'm
just waiting for them to take a break
so that I can put on a show, we only ever
call His name when we've returned back
to the show. everyone's just killing themselves
around here and I'm just waiting *waiting.

"sometimes
i just want
some time
to myself.

is that so hard.
is that so hard."

"is that so?'
he says.

and he laces his
fingers into
mine.

My mood and this rain.

I cannot stand the silence of my mind and so I lay down and I let its swells **** me.