separate entities, i split apart, douse my lungs with rubbing alcohol, spread powdered bleach beneath my feet and dab my skin with the petals that you shed as October’s winds rip and whip at my soul. i hang my head high, cosmic, meta, celestial beast breathing sallow i seeth-ever phased. caught in a new kind of a daze, i dream in a haze. my words spread like ash across your lips as my mind does dips and flips. caught in a new kind of a haze, i welcome this, i welcome this, this holy hell of a day that gloom’s and blooms hungry and ready.

you gave me what I craved and what I needed and I didn't realize it until it was too late.

what's worse is i have no clue how I'll feel when I see you again. Will I feel the pits of my stomach? Will I hear your voice calling to me before I see you, will I ever see you again, will I ever even get to hear from you again. Is it crazy to say that it's been four days since I've been sober sans you and I miss you more than I miss tequila? I'm already missing you and its only been four days what does this mean to you, does it mean anything, has it ever, will it ever?

find myself wishing a little bit more each morning, noon and night for the rewind button on your remote control. those nights when we sat next to each other consumed with each other while consuming the screen before us, smoke aching our lungs as we grapple for new answers to old questions and old answers to new questions and all at once, I wish I had pressed paused, pulled my hair back and sunk to my knees. We could've mistaken it love but we understood the tensions of lust too much to fall prey and so instead we chose to fall in with the way  we spoke, the way we walked and the way we felt when our hands and thighs brushed each time we passed a spliff or a beer or each time our legs brushed, I remember it all down to the ache of my veins. "I understand what I am still too proud to mention, to you."

"Oh, your gaze is dangerous"

you're breaking me and the saddest part is that there's nothing I can really do about.

I'll jot you down til there's nothing left for me to remember.