You call it self-esteem,
But I'm out of steam
To fight this fight
That you call life.

I'm stuck in between ... unseen.

My time to shine?
I don't have time to polish,
To wade through this anguish
That binds me to my anxiety.

Instead, I hide. You are the only one
Who sees me for me;
Yet you don't know how to help me
Become the me I want to be.

Why am I so defensive,
Unable to express myself?
I'm tired ... I'm wired,
I'm all fired up ...

But before I get started,
I find myself guarded.
I weep myself to sleep -
Maybe tomorrow I'll try again.

(March 2012)

Eyes closed
Mind blown
How the ****'d you do that?

(April 2012)

Sunny blue skies,
Tears in my eyes,
I'm free, but I can't be me without you.

Bright green leaves,
Warm spring breeze,
I don't see the beauty without you.

Drinks, drives, bike rides,
I laugh, I cry, I try
Yet nothing's the same without you.

Ice cream, sweet stuff,
Trucks built Ford tough,
It all reminds me of being without you.

You stole my heart,
It tears me apart.
It won't come back to me without you.

I wrote this song
But it's not a song
Without the music, without you.

(May 2009)

This fortune came to me today
And it really touched my heart,
For its message is plain as day –
Our friendship needs a jumpstart.

I haven’t been a friend to you;
I beg you your forgiveness.
Without you, I’m all shades of blue –
It’s you, crazy girl, I miss.

(February 2012)

This fortune came to me today
And it really touched my heart,
For its message is plain as day –
Our friendship needs a jumpstart.

I haven’t been a friend to you;
I beg you your forgiveness.
Without you, I’m all shades of blue –
It’s you, crazy girl, I miss.

(February 2012)

I set you free
so I can be me
and you can be you.

Come back to me
and set me free
So we can be free together.

Why'd I let myself get so attached to you
When I know I'm not a good match for you?
Match for you? ******* -
You're no good for me.

I wasted my time trying to get into your mind
When you had nothing to give, not even your time.
I was so blind, but nevermind -
You're over it.

I opened my legs and my heart to you
And all you were was cruel.
I blame myself -  how could I blame you?
It's just who you are.

It's not your fault I couldn't see
Just how wrong you were for me,
How much you meant to me
But I didn't mean to you.

For me, it was more than ***.
Now I'm just another ex.
Hell, I probably don't even get status ex
Because you never saw me as your girl.

For you, it meant nothing;
For you, it was just a fling.
I wasn't looking for a ring,
Just for you to care.

Thank you for opening my eyes
To the fact that you just hide behind your size.
You're not worth my cries,
But now I can move on.

"Make love to me," you said
In your truck bed, as I mounted you.
You had no idea what you were saying
Would feel like you were playing with my heart.

This is more than fun and games
And screaming your name as we lose control.
You've more than left your mark -
You've taken hold of my heart, and my mind.

You say you're not ready,
That your life is too unsteady for a new love.
But you can't deny what started on a lark
Quickly turned into a spark like no other.

Can't we just let it burn
And see where each turn leads us?
Let's take it one day at a time -
I'll be yours and you be mine, for however long it lasts.

I am energy, a spark,
the twinkle of Christmas lights in the dark.

I am a smile, a laugh,
an adventurer clearing her own path.

I am music turned up loud,
a girl who's made her parents proud.

I am beautiful though not thin,
learning to be comfortable in my own skin.

I am a self-identified poet,
though my journal doesn't often show it.

I am silly and strong,
not afraid to admit when I am wrong.

I am on my journey of self discovery;
of one thing I am sure - I love me.