i thought being busy
would be good for me
instead
it drains me
wrings me out and hangs me to dry
on a hot sunny day
and then comes along stress
to think i could handle it
words cannot express
how wrong i was

how does something last?
do you take tons of pictures?
post like online
and keep them there?
do you print them?
and frame them
for the top shelf of the fireplace?
or do you take everything in?
second by second
holding onto them likes its the end of the world?
do you make things last?
do you consider important moments
memorable?

everything is on a train
a never ending train
going around in circles
making stops for people to get on and off
but there will be no cargo
no material things
the only valuable
shall remain inside your thoughts and memories

like your seventh birthday
or eighth
whichever you consider your most favorite
or like the time you first fell down
and saw the blood seeping out from the wound
the first time you actually felt real
pain
pain will remain in your memories
pain is one of the things that will last
but not a moment longer than this
will you tolerate it
because another thing that lasts
is departing

you'll see him or her go in an instant
you try to reach out but you miss
it will last
the thought of touching them
will last
and its something you'd think of
last

i've given up on finishing
the book i was going to dedicate to you
i've given up on writing
letters for you everyday
i've given up on making
multiple poems for you
i've given up
because you clearly have
what happened to taking stuff
leading to her
down off the walls
it kills me seeing
you have no intention
of taking them down
every word for her
"I will always love you. Always."
it
kills
me
k i l l s   m e

and hopelessness
wraps itself around
my not so small frame
and when it does
it is like a boa constrictor
squeezing hard enough
to rupture my blood pressure
hopelessness is merciless when it comes to me

but sometimes
I am hopelessness
upon myself do I become a boa constrictor
upon myself do I become merciless
this is when I think that no one
not a single soul
can come and save me
except for one

I’m a person with a wide taste in music
you know that
but there are songs that get on my nerves
and some that I can listen to
over and over again
and not get sick of them
you’re the reason behind those songs
you are what runs through my head
all the time
and I never get tired of you
I want you in my head
I want you running through my head
because I love you
those songs
every one reminds me of you
no matter what you do to me
what keeps me away from you
you’ll always be running through my head

i have met love many times before
once as a kid
it consisted of play dates and kisses on the cheek
behind the swirly slide of the playground at school
it also consisted of sharing each others recess snacks
or holding the door open for the other
once more when i was reaching the appropriate age
we'd get butterflies over surprise hugs on the staircases at school
we'd blush just over conversations with each other
but then i was told that that was far from love
love was supposed to be caring for one another
love was supposed to be having strong, affectionate, and mutual feelings for one another

man was it confusing
it made me feel lost
but then
i grew
love became more open to me
it was of telling each other secrets
love had the tendency of telling me stupid jokes
which sometimes got on my nerves
but that's what was great about love
because you could get mad
and he would still be there for you
that's what love is

love was a word
it was a feeling
but now
it's the man i can tell everything
love found me at my weakest and most desperate
but he molded me into someone who can speak clearly
who can dive deeper
and think like the waves of the pacific ocean
love shows you the ups and downs of life
while staying right there by your side
love is your best friend